If you've adopted through choice, not because of infertility? (Open to everyone)?

Question

What were your reasons for doing so? Do you also have biological children, or just adopted?

What are your thoughts on adopting because you want to, not because you *have* to?

Answer 1

My parents adopted me because they wanted kids. I wasn't a replacement due to my mothers inferlity. They waited a long time after they found out they couldn't have kids to adopt. I was in no way "filling a void" in their lives. They were foster parents and I was placed in their care, at the age of 4 was elgible for adoption and my biological mother asked them if they wanted to adopt me. So, they said yes because they were afarid of me growing up in the foster care system.

ETA-- NOODLES UNLIKE YOU I DON'T THUMB DOWN BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE A PERSON. NOR WHEN I POSTED THE QUESTION DID I DO IT TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE. I WANTED TO ENSURE THAT ALL WOULD ANSWER, YOU ANSWERED BUT YOU WERE FAR FROM RESPECTFUL. I'M SO SICK OF YOU! I HAVEN'T BLOCKED YOU AND OTHERS WHO MAKE A POINT TO MAKE FUN OF ADOPTEES ON THIS SITE THAT DEAL WITH ISSUES REGARDING THEIR ADOPTION. NOW I WILL, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU DELIGHT IN MAKING FUN OF ADOPTEES WHO SAY THEY ARE DEALING WITH ISSUES WITH THEIR ADOPTION. I MAY NOT AGREE WITH ALL THEY HAVE TO SAY, BUT I DON;T MAKE FUN OF THEM OR JUDGE THEM.

Answer 2

Well, we did face infertility, but we didn't "have" to adopt.  We could have gone to great lengths with fertility assistance, but we chose not to, or we could have decided not to have children at all.  Point is, our daughter is our daughter because we wanted her, not a last resort that we look at as second best..

Answer 3

Well, my husband and I decided to adopt for many reasons.

When we first got married we decided on having a large family. My husband used to travel a lot on business and while he was away he'd go visit some foster homes in the area and look into some of the private adoptions. Once he sent me back a picture of a boy named Mattix who was just few months old at the time. Well, we fell in love with him and decided that he needed a home and we would provide it along with all the love he could ever need. His name was then changed to John, after my husband.

We then found a mother who was pregnant with a little girl. She was to be adopted out after she was born. Well, when she was a few days old my husband flew out and brought her home. We named her Ella and she too became a light in our lives.

Yes, we also have two biological children, Tessa and Lily. So all in all we have four children, Tessa, Lily, John and Ella. Lily's name wasn't always Lily..it was Teagan. For various reasons too vast to name we decided to change her name to Lily when she was a few months old...if you're curious :)

In my opinion adoption brought me two miracles (as did pregnancy)....and not only that, but it made us a family. Who knows, maybe we will have more children in the future? ;)

Interesting question. Have a star :)

xXo

Answer 4

My parents weren't infertile.  They had two boys and wanted a girl, simple as that.

While I do think infertility is the primary reason for choosing adoption, nobody ever claimed it was the ONLY reason.

ps.  I am refraining from using thumbs down because it offends some people  - thumbs down are not coming from me!  however I will thumbs up if I think an answer is useful to the asker

Answer 5

My husband and I chose adoption, we have never had any fertility testing or IVF or anything like that.  We don't want to bring another baby into this world when there are so many that do not have a family.  We can provide a stable home, love, laughter, support, guidance.  We can give that and more to a child whether it is a biological child or not.  There are too many pregnant women that don't feel like they can raise a child for one reason or another and we can give them an option.  This child we adopt will be our FIRST child, not our ADOPTED child.

Answer 6

I have biological children, as well as one adopted.  It's hard to answer this  question.  I "didn't have to" b/c I could have children naturally.  I DID have to b/c my heart wouldn't let go of the situation that my adopted daughter was in.  Both parents locked up, been in foster care before where she was sexually abused, no stability....  I couldn't bear to see her go through any more bad situations.  When the opportunity aroused, my husband and I prayed about it and knew what we had to do.  

It worked out perfectly since I had always wanted 4 children.

Answer 7

I have three biological children and five adopted.  I adopted because I saw so many children that needed homes, and I knew I could give them one and love them like they needed to be loved.  Our state is overrun by children needing good homes.  I guess I could have had more children myself, but it seemed like such a waste to leave these defenseless children to grow up in foster homes with no permanant homes.  It was the best decision my husband and I have ever made.  The only thing that makes me even happier, is to think about how many grandkids I will have in my later years!!

Answer 8

I'm still pretty young, but ever since I was a little girl, for some reason i decided that I wanted to adopt children. I think it was partially out of fear of the pain of pregnancy, but mostly because I thought it was a tragedy that so many children never make it out of the foster care system.

I'm pretty positive that my purpose in life is to serve others and do everything I can to bring joy into the world, and what better way than by changing a child's life?

As a young adult, I think that I will probably have at least one of my own children; I believe there's a bond and a miracle there and unfortunately I would miss out on just by adopting. I still plan to adopt though. It's a big dream of mine and I hope to get there some day.

Answer 9

My mother adopted because she thought my first adad couldn't get her pregnant.  Interestingly enough she has stood by me through the years because they got divorced when I was six years of age.  Now my first adad thought I must have been replaceable because he remarried and adopted this woman's daughter also named Amy.  Yep made me feel real replaceable.  

They later went on to have two biological children.  Now adoption ended with me.  There will never be a child put up for adoption in my family.  We just don't believe in that.  I have considered adopting from foster care or better yet being a guardian to a foster child but that is in the future.  

I don't think a person restricted on the reasons why they adopt.  It shouldn't be because a person suffers from infertility.  I do think foster adoption should a first choice.  Those are children who are in need of a home.  If you think about it, really adopting from an orphanage in another country is similiar to adopting from foster care.  JMO

Answer 10

My husband and I tried to get preggers initially, but after many rounds of hormones, the next step was invasive medical procedures.  At that point, we took a step back and a look at the world around us and asked ourselves what was more important...raising a child that was biologically connected to us or raising a child?  

Well, we decided that wreaking havoc on my body for a chance was a waste of time and energy (not knocking those who have tried it, you have to do what is best for you; this was not in my best interest for other medical reasons)  and that there were plenty of children that needed good homes so we decided then to adopt.  Ultimately we wanted to be parents.  It did not matter to us whether the child was blood related or not...I have an adopted cousin, I taught adopted kids as a teacher, and over the years we have had many friends join in our family gatherings that are not blood, but we love them every bit as much.  Adoption was not a complete stranger to us, so we chose to go down that fork in the road.  Two years later, I am so glad we did.  This was the best decision we ever made and we are working on a second adoption now.

Answer 11

I think it's a great idea. I know of a couple that adopted 4 children, 3 older (ages 5, 9, 13) and one infant. They said it was because they felt that they should give children who didn't have a family one.They had some problems with the older one but they never gave up. Just kept loving him. And today they are very well adjusted young adults. I know I'm thankful my parents adopted even though they had a bio son. I think it is great that a couple will take a unknown child into there hearts and build a family with them. My mom always said "you are my daughter plain and simple." My brother was 13 when they got me. It was his birthday when they got me for keeps and my brother told them "See I told you I was getting something for my birthday." Even at 13 and being an only child even he had room in his heart.

Answer 12

I have not yet adopted, but would like to in the future - and not because of infertility.  I just LOVE kids - and HATE what foster care does to some of them.  Not being able to be in a steady home can ruin a child's life.  If I can take just one kid out of foster care and give him/her a home...  why not?  Of course, I know all the real "why not's".  I know how difficult adoption is.  I know how careful it is that I make sure my son (bio) wants to adopt a new family member too.  I know how often children in Foster care have special emotional needs.  I know all those things, but they're not insurmountable.  Right now I'm a single mom, working full time, and going to school part time.  I'm struggling to just keep up with the child I have, but if I ever get into a position where things are more stable, I definitely WANT to adopt.

Maybe it's hereditary though.  My parents started the adoption proceedings with my two brothers when they thought they were infertile, but found out my mom was pregnant a few weeks before the boys were actually placed with us.  They could have backed out, but they didn't.  I got 3 new brothers in the space of 7 months.  :-)  My mom and dad almost adopted another girl and boy about two years later, that were the biological siblings of my first two brothers.  Unfortunately, or fortunately (who knows how things would have worked out) the foster mom carring for the kids was hospitalized and the brother and sister were moved into two seperate foster homes where the foster families decided to adopt them.  My parents were definitely not infertile at that time, but just didn't want my brothers' siblings languishing in foster care if they could step up (even though they were nervous about having 6 kids under the age of 8).

Adoption was hard on our family at times (moreso because my brothers are mentally handicapped), but none of us has ever regretted it.  The boys even look like the rest us - and that wasn't something that was done by design.  They just do.  My parents figure it's sorta like when a husband and wife look alike after living together for a long time.  

I think adoption from foster care (or overseas orphanages) is a wonderful thing.  I don't think anyone should adopt because they "have to".  I'm not saying infertile people shouldn't adopt, but if you're looking at an adopted child as a "second choice" then I'm not sure you'll ever really love them right.  I mean, what would happen if someone adopted as a "last option" and then had their own child a few years later?  That's not good for anyone.  People should only adopt if they're committed to loving and caring for a child, for bringing that child into their hearts and making them truly their own.  (I do not mean that they OWN the child, I mean making them their own as in how people say that's MY son or MY sister or MY father).  

***Side Note*** I love how SOME adoptees hate it when adoptive parents answer a question clearly addressed to adoptees, but then feel it's perfectly allright for them to answer a question that is clearly addressed to adoptive parents.

Answer 13

We chose to adopt and there were no fertility issues. We have 4 children, three of which are biological siblings and a baby that is 5 mo.

Our decision to adopt really wasn't a question for us. It really seemed the the natural thing to do. My parents have done foster care for a few years and adopted 4 kids through that so when we decided we were ready to be parents it just seemed like the right decision for us.

We do not have any bio kids and are not sure if we ever will. Right now 4 kids seem to keep us pretty darn busy. But we are both still young (I'm 25 my husband is 31) so who knows. But we do know that adopting was the right choice for us. We love our kids more than anything in the world and surely just as much if not more than if they were biological.

Answer 14

my husband and I were able to have children- but at the time I was taking medication that could have caused birth defects to the baby- however our doc told me that I could go off the meds- so actually we did decide to adopt- why?  Because I had such a good experience with adoption myself. It was not a hard decision. We have 2 adopted children, now 15 and 19. Even my husband had no problems with the choice- probably due to the fact that his experience with his biological family was not all that wonderful.  So here is an example of a good reason to adopt without the infertility problem making it the only option.

Answer 15

my friend adopted a boy about 11 years ago, from a boys home he was baby, the had six other kids there, my mate said if he had six beds he would have adopted the whole lot.

its so could to see people who care, give kids a life they would never have some one to call mum and dad. should be more people like it. so many kids have to suffer and its wrong.

Answer 16

I have four birth children and am in the process of being approved to adopt a sibling group of up to four children.  If I wished to do so I could still have birth children, however, I made the concious decision some years ago that if I ever  had any more children I would adopt.

I and my husband have much to love to give and there are many children out there looking for the love and care we are able to provide.

We are adopting because we want to, not because be have to.

Answer 17

Thanks Weeme.

When I was growing up, we used to go to Mexico a lot. We did not have much money so I saw how the other half lived. Some of the local kids I ran around with, had been abandoned. They would stay with us at our apartment whenever we were there. There were two boys, brothers, in particular that my heart wept for. I begged my mother to adopt them. (I was only 9 or 10 then and didn't understand why she couldn't, although she also wanted to. My parents were divorced. My mother worked her b*** off so that we could go down there every year. At that time, men weren't made to pay child support and my father didn't, even though he and his parents were very wealthy.) Anyhow, I never forgot those kids and my experiences down there. There were also two boys who were abandoned by their parents that I grew up with in my hometown. They lived with us when their parents left them until they graduated high school. My mom and I always took in people, especially during the holidays. I got it from her and she got it from her father, who helped the hobos from the trains, who would come to their home in search of food and shelter. I don't know any different way to be.

I've always been an advocate for children and animals. When I decided I wanted a child, there was no question in my mind that adoption was the only way that I could conscientiously have my own family. I could not justify bringing another child into this world knowing there were so many already who desperately needed loving parents and a good and safe home. I had not met Mr. Right and I wasn't going to wait around for him while there were starving, neglected and/or abused children who needed a mother to love and protect them.

I correct people who say that what I did was so unselfish and my child will be grateful. It's just the opposite. I am the one who is grateful and shall always be for my daughter. She's the unselfish one for loving me.

That is the abbreviated version of my experiences and choice. Thanks again for asking this question.

Prepared for all the thumbs down from the trolls. It is more than obvious who gave me and others these thumbs down. The question was for those who've adopted through choice and not a venue for you to insult and harass us.

eta: Heather, if you are telling the truth, thank you.

s****, I have replied to others who've posted that they are fearful of child birth. Don't twist my words around. I am relieved that there are women who are brave enough to admit their fears and if that's their reason for adopting, it's none of your business. At least they have a big enough heart and empathy to adopt a child .

I had a riding accident long after I decided I would adopt. The doctors advised me that it would be better not to try to get pregnant (I didn't ask them). It didn't bother me one iota when I got these diagnoses. It just confirmed for me that was what I wanted to do and was God's plan for me. I suppose that is what you are insulting me about.

As for the other thumbs downer, this question is worded open for everyone, but it is directed to those who have and are adopting out of choice. You are not a mother and have not "crossed this bridge".

Answer 18

I never thought I'd want to adopt but God has completely opened my heart to adoption. Now I have no preference between having my own children and adopting. Honestly, having my owns kids, as long as nothing is physically wrong, seems a heck of a lot easier!  My husband and I are young and haven't even tried to get pregnant. We don't qualify to adopt from some countries because of our age and we're too young to adopt an older child too, at least I think I need to be at least 20+ years older than the child. So basically that leaves young children which seem to be so hard to find to adopt. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. We are involved with two organizations which have us in contact with young single mothers and mothers to be that could possibly consider adoption (not because we are looking to take one of thier children, the adoption idea came later!). I'm leaving it in God's hands to do the rest.

Answer 19

my family consists of 7 biological children and two  more of us adopted,of different race.my parents have never actually clarified the reasons for adoption.they love kids and i guess whether we were blood related or not makes no difference!

Answer 20

my parents have 3 biological children - we are all grown up now.  My parents are foster carers and currently have a 17year old living with them and he's been living with them for 3 years.  My parents also offer respite to other foster children (those whos carers need a break). My parents do not take respite as they believe in including the children they care for in everything they do - including taking them on holiday. My parents would consider adoption in the right circumstances. They are caring people and believe in helping those less fortunate than ourselves... 10/10 to my parents for opening up their lives for other to share and enjoy.

Answer 21

The reasons we were choosing to adopt rather then try to have biological children can't be explain in a short paragraph, but basically, the world is over populated, there are children who need homes, and we felt we could provide a child with a stable, loving home.

But now...I don't know how I feel about adoption.  I know the system of adoption in the United States is pretty corrupt.  I do not like the mentality of a lot of adoptive parents who feel they are entitled to a child just because they want one.  I do not like the idea that just because we may have more money then the biological parents we would be considered better parents.  Money does not make a good parent.  I do not like adoption agencies agenda's (most of them at least) of coercion.  

We had been planning on adopting either through foster care or internationally, but right now I do not feel like I can find a program that is as ethical as I would like them to be.  I do not believe the adoption industry is very ethical, which makes me sad.  Adoption should be about finding homes for children (or parents for children) not about finding children for parents.  

Adopting because you want to is a noble idea, but right now, I don't know if it is a plausible one.

Answer 22

My wife and I our both in our late twenties and fertile, meaning we could probably conceive natrual children without much problem but we have chosen to adopt.

We talked about it while we were still dating and both agreed that adopting would be something that would make us feel both honoured and rewarded.  We became Mommy & Daddy to our little boy in June 2007 - he was three then, and just turned four.  He is the best thing in our lives and adoption has been all the things to us that we dreamed of.

Thinking that we our giving this little boy a better chance in life than what he would have and feeling the love that we have for him being so strong is hard to put in to words. And when he looks at us with his beautiful eyes and gives us his amazing sunny smile.... there is nothing in the world I'd trade it for... bio kid or not... hes our son, and we adore him.

Answer 23

TODAY, in the US, over 140 THOUSAND children wait in foster care for adoptive families. They all have something in common: a need and desire to be part of a permanent, loving family.

No other reasons needed.

Answer 24

I am able to have my own child but would rather adopt so I don't have to bring another person in this world. I would rather try to help somebody who needs parents to give them love and security, along with a good future. The children are our future and to help at least one would be doing the world good.

Answer 25

We adopted our little girl because we'd fostered her from the day after she was born until she was almost a year old and her birth parents lost their rights to her at that time, and she was opened up for adoption.  We loved her to pieces and there was no way we could have let her go into the system, so we adopted her.

We have birth children that were all grown by then.  We hadn't been planning to adopt, but we fostered her because we'd heard of the emergency of her situation.

She's five now and very thoroughly as much a daughter to us as any of our birth daughters.

Answer 26

We will be adopting by choice. We are both still fertile and I am young enough to carry and give birth for another 15 years if I choose to. We are adopting because in my opinion there is a certain amount of selfishness involved when parents do not even consider adoption as a choice when deciding to have another child. I have seen what children in orphanages live like and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. So yes I can offer a child here a lot. Even the children who are not in orphanages but living at home with their families are living in conditions that most people would call animal services if they saw a dog in those conditions. Conditions that just money cannot fix or they would already have been fixed years ago. That line of thinking is nothing more than wishful thinking and ignorance. I am proud to be adopting and support almost anyone who chooses that path fertile or not.

Answer 27

Where to begin?  Just read through the answers given, and my BS detecter went nuts.  IMHO, the WORST thing about adoption (I'm not talking about adoption from foster care) is the pretending, a.k.a lying.  If you think your kids won't eventually see through these history revisions, you're wrong.  

-the mother who's gone 'south' of the border and saw poverty up close, and was moved to adopt.. that may be PART of the reason, but I've been around long enough to read posts about your utter terror of pregnancy and childbirth.  The 'gore', the 'blood' etc.  So some part of your adopting WASN"T charity--was it? Don't make her feel more indebted than she already does.

- the orphanage worker in an eastern European country--maybe your wanting to adopt comes from your SITUATION?  Had you not been there for DH's work, would you have been exposed to the horrors of that country's politics?  Or would you have been like your former self (two bio kids, right?), and the rest of us breeders and been 'selfish' (as you call it) and had more of your own? Please don't weigh this kid down with more baggage.

-when people say about their daughter, we wanted 'her'.  That's actually not true.  You wanted a 'baby'.  You got HER.

-When people say adoption is not a 'second choice' when they're also seeking IVF treatment, that's just false.  Obviously, the 'adoption plan' is a back-up, in case the IVF fails.   If you got pregnant successfully-you'd drop the plan to adopt like a hot potato.  And who wouldn't?  Just stop the pretense.

-I love when people say it's 'easier' to adopt, than to give birth.  That may be true for YOU, the adoptive parents-- but not for adopted kids.  It's not 'convenient' for children to be separated from their mothers and enire familiy.  It's painful, please don't make light of it.

-just adore when people make it seem like adopting kids is as easy as picking up a souvenir from a gift shop on a vacation!  Sure would have make me feel like c**p as an adopted kid to know how little thought went into my arrival.  Oh, oh, and love the name change to become a 'junior' to someone he's not related to!  Deny my reality, and make be pretend to be a part of yours.  Unreal.  

-'falling in love' with a sonogram.  You fell in love with an IDEA, nothing more.  Maybe if PAPs didn't fall so hard for something that doesn't yet EXIST, there wouldn't be so much disappointment.

All these examples hurt your adopted kids.  It is difficult enough to lose everything that any other citizen on the planet finds profound meaning in, but to have to be a player in a phony, self-serving morality play is UNKIND and selfish.

Reframe your stories, please.

Answer 28

If you are infertile, you don't "HAVE TO" adopt.  

I don't see adoption as my second choice to having a biological child.  I am going through infertility treatment, and am also pursuing adoption.  I have a group of friends and acquaintances who are waiting to adopt.  I know they will all be wonderful parents.  But there is a long wait to adopt an infant.  And for me personally, if I can conceive instead of adopting, then another family has a shot at having a child sooner, because we are one less family in the wait.  That is my personal view, and I have no judgment about others motivations to adopt.

I just want to be a Mom.