If you adopted a child, would you tell them that they were adopted?

Question

Why/why not?

Answer 1

100% yes.

I was adopted as a baby and I've always know. I don't think there is a 'good age' to tell someone I think they should always know that way its not a secret or something to worry about.

I was only 5 weeks old when I was adopted so my parents used to celebrate the date they collected me with a card and a present and called it my 'special day' They still send me a card now and I'm 26!!!

It always felt really normal to know and was never an issue and because I got a 2nd birthday it was great. They always used to tell me the story of when they picked me up and that my Bio mum couldn't take care of me because she was too young and my parents couldn't have their own children so they chose to have me and my adopted sis which made us feel extra special.

I think it's sometimes made a much bigger issue then it needs to be and everyone should just get it out in the open, talk about it. You are giving a child the chance of a good home and that needs to be celebrated.

Answer 2

well,,for me,,,it is GOOD if you tell them she/he is adopted in mature age na.....dont be lie of a child or kids..good  luck..

Answer 3

Yes I would tell them that they were adopted, that I loved them so much I wanted them to be a part of my family so I adopted them.  Then  I would prepare myself for all the questions to come about where they came from and everything.  My cousin Tammy adopted 1 son already and will be adopting a little girl soon (waiting on finalization) and she was honest with her son when he got old enough and she explained that he was adopted, he was brought into her family by choice and that she loves him so much she couldn't ever let him go so she made him a part of her family permanently.  He has asked some questions about his past and she talks about it with him and I think he appreciates that she is honest with him so he doesn't have to find stuff out from others.  She also has read him books since he was little about adoption and how there are many different kinds of families.

Answer 4

I was adopted When i was 3.

My parents told me when i was 13.

They explain my real parents [what they knew of them].

It was a Open adoption so they had pictures and letters from them.

There names.. so forth.

But i was really happy that my parents were open to me about it.

It opened alot of respect and forgiveness of alot of thing.

It showed me that they really cared.

So i would just to let them know.

I wouldnt led them on to believe something thats not true.

But true only by love and paper.

Answer 5

YES I would (and will) tell her.

I was adopted and my parents didn't tell me. I found out by accident when I was 9 years old and it was very traumatic. I woke up one morning and found out my whole life had been a lie and just like Santa CLause and the Easter Bunny, mom and dad were fakes.

It cause alot of emotional damage to me and put up a wall between my parents and I.

Answer 6

You should not keep it from them. They will find out one day and they will be angry. It's best to tell them.

Answer 7

Yeah definitely. Why? well the truth always comes out in the end, somehow. Plus keeping the truth about their past means lying to them basically and I wouldn't lie to my kids as I wouldn't want them to lie and I need to teach by example. Telling a child they are adopted would be as easy as telling them they are very special as they were "chosen" to be our child.

Answer 8

This depends on the situation and whether the child is emotionally able to handle the news.

Answer 9

WHY,

Cause they might want to know their back ground or about their parent's. They would hopefully understand. It is good to tell then when they can understand.

WHY NOT,

if you tell them when their too old they might feel anger towards you because of not telling.

Answer 10

For me, yes.

At least she/he knows. It will not be painful to his/her part.

Answer 11

I did adopt a child and he has known since Day One that he was adopted. It is WRONG not to tell a child from the very beginning that s/he was adopted. Every child has a right to know where s/he came from and as much as possible (and appropriate) about his or her first family. Keeping adoption a secret indicates that there is something shameful about it and a child should never feel shame about his or her origins.

Answer 12

I think that they might figure it out when they grow up and look like neither of their parents. But yes I wouldn't be able to lie to him/her. I would wait until they were about 11-15 etc just so they actually understand.

Answer 13

I really think you have to. But only at an age when they can understand. It's better that you tell him/her that he/she was adopted rather than they find out themselves or from someone else, which can be very hurting.

It can be a very sensitive issue for some kids so it's best you tell them.

Answer 14

I would, because every kid deserves to know where they came from, or at least know where they DIDN'T come from. But tell them at an age where they would understand.... i would tell them at a young age like 6-10, when they are already in school. I want to adopt someday when i get married so if you are planning on adopting... good luck!! =]

Answer 15

Why?  So, he / she knows where he came from.  So, he / she knows their heritage.  So he / she knows that they are special because they have two mommies / daddies.  So, he / she doesn't find out on their own and think that the adoptive parents lied to them their entire life!

Answer 16

our daughter knew form the time she was born she was adopted.  It is a fact of life.  you have blond hair, green eyes your very loved and your adopted.

It saved all the drama of finding out later.  When she and her Birth-mom met, it was anticlimactic.  No big deal.

Answer 17

yes

Answer 18

Yes most definitely I would tell them and I would do so as soon as they could understand what it means.There is nothing worse than finding out later in your life that you were adopted as I know through personal experience in the fact that my cousin did and it was very hard for her to accept this fact.I and my brother were also adopted and it was a fact that we knew about our lives from a very early age and so we found it a lot easier to accept

Answer 19

YES.  My son has known he was adopted since he was 2!  We often talk about his moms (natural, foster and me) and discuss his country of origin.

Answer 20

Tell him or her...right from the start...There are books that you can get that read stories to them about the starting off with a different mother and being chosen to live with you.  I think that if general conversation of how special they are to you are openly talked about every so often you never have to have the "sit down and let me tell you that you are adopted story" later on.  My brother in law was adopted as a baby...he was told at the age of  17 by a cousin and even though he bought it up with his parents it was deny deny until the day his mother was buried (he was 48) and his father got in the car at the cometary and said "Oh..had to tell you something..you are adopted...Ma didn't want you to know" ...to say that he is screwed up is an understatement.  Then on the otherside a family friend adopted a new baby..she had stories told to her about how etc and has developed into the most loved..loving and settled young adult..knowing how much she was wanted.

Answer 21

in some ways, yes tell them, but, not until they get a little older.  its only good to be honet about there past, at some time in their lifes

Answer 22

Absolutely, and I've taken pictures of their first parents, and we're working on more visitation so they'll know them.  It's their life, and if we didn't tell our children, we'd be lyng to them.  Also, we live in a small town, and it would just be a matter of time before someone told them.  I once saw my ex-boyfriend of years ago who had adopted his niece.  When the girl was 6, the older bio brother had gotten mad at her, and yelled out, "I hate you.  You don't belong here, because you were adopted."  It was a horrible realization when they're older, and then find out.  I've never seen an adoption that was "successful" where the child found out when they were older, however, I've seen several who grew up knowing they were adopted all their lives, and it turned out good.

Answer 23

i was adopted over 60 years ago. my adoptive parents told me when i was very young.being adopted is special. why? you were wanted for sure. you aren't a oops or a not ready for a baby yet. i had a friend that was adopted. how he found out i don't know. his parents never told him. he felt betrayed. it took him a long time to except the fact of being adopted. don't ever lie to your kids about anything, always be truthful. my bio mom couldn't care for me, so she put me up for adoption. my adopted parents loved and cared for me. 48 yrs later i found my 1/2 bro and 1/2 sis, they are older that me. i found out what their life was like growing up. i thank my bio mom for loving me so much and giving me up. my life was so much better than theirs. she passed away before i could thank her. i loved my adoptive parents and my bio mom very much. they all showed me love in their own ways.

Answer 24

Absolutely yes.

It is part of who the child is - they came from one set of parents - they carry the genetic make-up of one set of parents - and they are raised by a completely different set.

It is VERY hard to be raised in a family that looks nothing like you - and acts nothing like you.

It really messes with one's self worth and self identity.

Adding lies and secrets into the mix - only makes adoption to be 'wrong' - therefore the adoptee will think that they are 'wrong'.

There is no way to completely keep such a huge secret - secrets are horrible - and almost always back-fire.

Trust is a very very hard thing to get back.

An adoptee deserves to know their truth.

It's about them - not about you.

To keep it a secret - is extremely selfish - no matter it be the bio parents or the adoptive parents.

It's about the adoptee.

Answer 25

Personally id rather have not been told my dad was not my biological father.. it depends on how honest u want to be..