If you are actually married then had kids tell me and others why this is important and the right way to do it?

Question

I was married and then had my daughter, but that does not seem to be very important to others. I feel it is very important and the right way. So if your like me speak up for your beliefs!!!

Answer 1

I think you must have posted in the wrong area?

Totally depends on the strengths of the person/people.

Answer 2

children need a mother and a father.

They also need to be old enough to cope with the challenges of being a parent.

We are getting our first child, we can't have children and decided to adopt.  We wanted a baby.

But we went to this foster home and there was this little girl.

she was adorable and told my wife she wished she was a baby because she wanted a mother just like her.

So we changed our plans and asked if she could be adopted.

Seems she could.  she is 4 so it is pretty exciting, a little scarey.  I know somethings we do when they are children can scar them for life.  My parents are so happy to be grand parents at last.  That will be one very spoiled child.

Answer 3

Well, it is the ideal order of doing things, but it doesn't always turn out that way. Many people do not PLAN to have children first. Many of us were not virgins on our wedding day, so there is always a possibility of making a mistake.

The reason it is ideal to have children AFTER marriage is not entirely a moral reason. A married couple is likely to have a strong relationship and possibly 2 incomes to financially provide for the family. However, I know MANY married people who are horrible parents, not to mention, the possibility of divorce is always there. I also know several single mothers/fathers who are wonderful parents.

I guess your statement would be better said like this... "The ideal situation for having children would be for those people who would be good parents and can financially support those children"

Answer 4

I do believe its the right way(to get married 1st the Bible says so). Unfortunately it doesn't always work like that.  I had my son at 23 with his dad  my fiance,whom I had dates since I was 18. We were close to marriage(like putting deposits on the events close) but it didn't happen.  I was sooo up set and for along time did want my kid.  I grew up in the church so I know I was wrong, I looked down on myself enough about it, I didn't need anyone else doing it too.  My point is God is forgiving so forgive and don't do that.  Don't judge.  it could have been you.  But all in all the second time around we'll have been married for quite a while;-)

Answer 5

Yes!  I'm with you on that one!

The reason that it's important is because guys like to like to get with girls so they can get in their pants.  Then, they dump the girl.  When they really love the girl, they will marry her.  If they don't love the girl enough to marry her, the girl shouldn't be letting him in her pants.

If the girl gets pregnant, then the problems multiply 10 times.   All of a sudden, the guy's party is over and he hightails it outa Dodge.  Meaning:  he dumps the girl & splits.  She is left to take care of the baby herself.  One of the most difficult jobs in the world is to be a single mom.  

The child will be the one to suffer the most because of lack of having a dad, and a lack of having enough money to be comfortable.  Plus, it teaches the child immorality.  

Oh yes, and let's not forget that it's immoral.

s*x outside the bonds of marriage is forbidden by God for good reasons.  Some of them are listed above.

Answer 6

I was married for 7 years before we had a baby, and while I do think that two parents and a loving family contribute to a healthy child, I also believe that it is each persons personal choice to make based on their own values.  No one should dictate what is right or wrong when it comes to having a family--not in this country.

Answer 7

Well the first and foremost reason for being married first then start your family is b/c it is in God's word!!!! God commands us to abstain from s*x until marriage and that is the best reason to do it in  that order. The reason for that is b/c couples need to be married first for a while to get their relationship straight and get settled into each other, that way there will be a stable home for the children they will bring into it. Also so you can get your finances in order after you have gotten married and moved in with one another. There are so many more benefits involved in getting married first and then having children. But in these days and time it just doesn't happen that way very often. I myself got pregnant before we got married. We had our son and 7 mo. later we got married. For us it all worked out fine, but it was a tougher road to go down than if we would have waited.  We have now been married for 7 yrs. and have 2 boys and 1 girl. My husband though has gotten into a good career and can make a decent living for his family and for me to stay home with our children. I am just looking forward to the day when our children move out and me and my husband can finally have some time together just me and him. We didn't get that luxury of getting to spend time together just me and him as a married couple. So for all of those couples that got married first and then had kids, I commend you for your self control and wise choice that you made.

Answer 8

i thought that was the best way , and still do but my first husband still left when i got pregnant. the jerk

Answer 9

I believe that it's better to be married before you bring kids into the world, however, I certainly don't condemn anyone who does things in another order.

I know several folks who have adopted as singles whether or not they've gotten married afterward.  I'm glad they adopted even if they were single...because would the child even have been brought into a home if not for them?

I had our first child about three years after we got married.  The second about five years after.  We adopted our daughters after nineteen years of marriage.