If you are adopted, have you ever met your birth parents, or would you want to if the opportunity came up?

Question

If you are adopted, have you ever met your birth parents, or would you want to if the opportunity came up?

Answer 1

Well i haven' tseen my biological mom since i was five. I am now turning seventeen and i am going to have a child. She might have put me up for adoption but she might have had a reason and yes one day i want to meet her. For my dad i love my dad that i am living with now and truthfully i don't know if my mom will know my real dad so ya.

Answer 2

I met my biological mother when I was 29. I initially contacted her lawyer rather than contacting her directly; she and I then spoke on the phone before meeting. I am very glad I did it. We spoke after we met, but not on a regular basis. She was the first person to call me on 9/11 (I had been in NYC and in 2001 had moved to DC, so either way she was worried). We've lost touch again and I haven't spoken to her in almost three years now. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, it has nothing to do with having (or not having) an ongoing relationship or even a good meeting.

From my biological mother I learned the identity of my biological father. I had means to contact his brother but did nothing with it for a few years. I contacted him (again, indirectly, through his brother at first) when I was about 32. We've yet to meet. We talk periodically -- less often than either of us would like, and less often than other of us feels good about, actually -- and he's terrific. He has a teenage daughter who is my half-sister, and she and I email one another periodically. I hope to meet both my half sister and my biological father eventually, logistics (and a clear genetic predisposition for procrastinating!) notwithstanding.

Everything else aside, it means a great deal to me to have medical information -- for myself, and for my children. The desire for medical information was the immediate catalyst for my search (a search which, crazily enough, took almost no time at all to complete....while the woman who started me on that path had been looking for ten years already at that time). Before the desire for medical information, though, there was a definite...annoyance...at being told that I *couldn't* find out anything, and that obstruction is part of what prompted me for sure. By the time I did look, however, and make contact, I was very clear with myself and with my biological parents that I hoped for medical information, even if it was transmitted only indirectly, and that anything else, well, we could take it from there if there was any interest on either side. But the absence of any medical history infuriated me -- every time I had to fill out a medical form with "N/A".

It was also good to have some questions answered, and heartwarming, if sad, to know that my (biological) paternal grandmother, who died just a year before I contacted the family, had wanted to adopt me and had died with a baby picture of me still in her nightstand drawer. And quite honestly I'd have to say that finding my biological parents and meeting/talking with them did change my life, in that adoption went from being something that was really quite central in my life, and....defining....to being something that happened to me when I was very little but that has no control over me as an adult.

Answer 3

i was adopted an i grew up knowing my birth mother but not knowing that is what she was to me i hung out with my sisters all the time i still talk to my bio mom and my sisters and brother

Answer 4

I was relinquished for adoption at birth. I never knew anything except that I was adopted.  I searched for my birth parents when I was 42 years old.  What a surprise to find them together all those years later...still married...with another child...my 100 % brother... who they'd abused horribly....and to whom they denied my esistence!  Liar,s cheats, woesome parents....but at least they were able to admit it and put me up for adoption.  I was so LUCKY!  The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence!

Answer 5

I am adopted and I would met them if  I could there are both dead. My grandparents adopted me and took on alot of responsibility. I have dysgraphia and some neurological problems. there the best.

Answer 6

I have met my birth mother. We get along wonderfully, but aren't super-close.

I have no interest in meeting my father, considering the circumstances surrounding my birth and adoption. If he would choose to seek me out, I might consider hearing him out, but I will never choose to look for him.

Answer 7

I was adopted and brought home from the hospital. They raised me to know that I was adopted. Both my parents had worked at the same place of business and a co-worker had a 14 yr. old little sister giving her baby up for adoption. So that is how they found me. Since my parents knew my birth mom's sister, they heard about how my birth mom was doing later in life after I was adopted.And apparently she has a bad drug addiction she struggles with. Long Story short, when I was 14 my birth mom called me one night out of the blue and scared me to death asking me questions and telling me not to tell my mom she called. My dad got involved and I agreed to exchange letters. Well, she kept on writing and kept on. I have never really had the urge to want to meet her. And after her stalking me for a couple years by calling and paging me and crying over the phone every time, I never want to hear from her or meet her, and before all that happened I never wanted to meet her anyways.

Answer 8

I was adopted at birth and met my birth mother at age 29... Unlike many others the experience has been great...we have a friendship and nothing more.. my parents are my parents and my birth mother is a great friend. I am grateful she gave me up for adoption b/c she could not have provided me with ... well with all the things a child needs.

I have not met my birth father and have no desire to.. he ran out on her when she found out she was pregnant and that's not the kind of person i want in my life.

My parents are going to met her (birth mom)this summer so... looks like things are going to come full circle!

Answer 9

No and no.  I know who I am and where I come from. I have a family. :)

Answer 10

I am adopted.  I have spoken on the phone with my birth mother but we have chosen not to meet each other at this time.  Maybe  a time will come but if not I am comfortable with where it stands right now.  

Everyone is so different that it really is a personal choice.

Answer 11

i was adopted by my step dad. I have no wishes to see my bio father.

I have no ties to him and DNA isn't enough for me to want to see him. He gave me up for a reason.

Answer 12

I met my birth mom when I was 21 (I'm 32) and I saw her a total of two times.  Shortly after I met her, I got pregnant and she told me she just couldn't deal with my pregnancy because it brought up all kinds of memories for her.  I've never "met" my birth father, but I've talked to him on the phone several times.  His wife is very controlling and doesn't want him to have a relationship with me at all, so that's all we've got is the phone.  All in all, I'm glad I found out about them.  It did answer the basic, "who do I look like" and "do I have siblings" kind of questions.  The not knowing was worse for me than the knowing and then having it all snatched away.  I'd definitely go through it all again, even knowing what I know now.

Answer 13

Better leave it alone!!! you could find out where they live and  their names without letting them know who you are and then  go places where they  go to check them out  with out them knowing  who  you are  to see if you really  do want these people in your life.  If you find  out that  they are  not movie stars or rich people  ( as most  children  feel their parents  are)  not true --then you don't have to let them ever know  you.

Answer 14

i met them, it was wonderfully awkward, and I'm not interested in another reunion.

Answer 15

I am in the process of a foster/adopt and I sincerely appreciate reading all these comments. it gives me great insite as to how my "children" might react in the future. Thank you.

Answer 16

I was adopted as an infant and met my birth mother at age 23.  It was a pleasant meeting, but we arranged the meeting with a pre-agreed upon decision that it was not to be a reunion, nor was it to be the beginning of a new relationship.  I loved my adopted parents, she had moved on to a new life and family.  The meeting was to give us both closure on a decision she made when she felt there were no other options available to her.  By establishing ground rules up front, we had no expectations, and therefore, no disappointments.  It was simply a chapter in both of our lives that was now complete.  I think that the motives for finding a child given up for adoption, or for finding a biological parent is critically important.  A person should think twice if they are "looking" for something they think is missing.  This can put demands on the other party that they are unable to meet, which will just lead to further disappointment.

Answer 17

I've met my bio moms younger brother and sister, i do not want to meet my mother but part of me does want to meet my father. but it would be best if i didn't due to how i was adopted

Answer 18

i am adopted i met my mother when i was 27 i am now 43 she married my dad 3 years after adoption but they had more children soi have  brother and 3 sisters 100 %i have a relationship with them but the family who adopted meare my parents i had a hard time dealing with the fact i was adopted ...but iamglad iwas adopted as i had everything a child could want and need i love my biological mother for giving me away but ilove my adoptive parents morefor taking a chanceand loving a child that was ot there natural child and love me to this day even after all the heartache i put them through

Answer 19

Every child wants that, but just to meet.

Answer 20

It depends on the relationship she has with her current parents.  If there seems to be a piece missing, or she feels that she is not like anyone, it might be important for a feeling of "completion" for her to meet birth parents.

Answer 21

i think that i would want to met them....so that i could atleast know were i came from............

Answer 22

I meet her, I hated her, she lied about everything, but some birthparents are different, mine, I would concider something I NEVER need in my life, I have very wonderfull parents that have taken care of my from day one. I am just glad she had a good reason for giving me up, but still you dont have 5 kids and give all away, just a bit of my situation.

Answer 23

Families today are far more open and diverse that in previous generations. I believe that adoptive parents should be open with an adopted child and give information based on the child's maturity level. If the child came from an abusive situation, then discretion would be vital. Hopefully the adoptive parents knew the situation prior to adopting. I have known adopted adults who did not want to meet their biological parents because they were content with the life they had.  I also know people who have met their biological parents who were very disappointed as well as some who have good relationships. Ultimately, it is the person who was adopted who should be allowed to make this decision.

Answer 24

I wasn't adopted personally, but I know there may not be a LOT of answers on this, so I figured I would try to help...

I was actually with my husband when he met his birth parents. (He was in his mid to late 20's when he found them.) Turned out to be a complete disaster and he doesn't even associate with them anymore anyway now! (Then again he knew he went up for adoption because his parents had some serious problems, so it wasn't exactly a huge shocker.) I guess in his case, sometimes things were better left undisturbed...

Although keep in mind that everyones situation is different, so I wouldn't let that discourage you if you were interested in finding biological parents if adopted! Just wanted to share so those that think about it don't get a brutal reality smack IF things don't turn out like you expect either.

Answer 25

No I have not meet them, and though I have no plans of ever searching for them.  If they [Biological parents] were to search for me, or any [biological] ½ siblings.  I know I have at least one a  half  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€Âœsister” 2 years older then me via birthmother. Probably have more birthmother was described as “young” when she had me so my guess is she was in her early 20’s she certainly could  have had more children.(probably did) Not to mentioned birthfather.

I might talk to them[phone], exchange letter or email, or meet with them. However it certainly would not to be one of those “reunions” that you see on TV. Where they embrace and say such things as “Now I am finale complete!”, “I always felt something missing but now its filled.” or instant love, they might be biological related to me but that does not change the fact they would be strangers.

Answer 26

i am adopted, and met my birth mother, sister and 2 brothers, my siblings thought i had died, my mother went to the store with me, came home and said i died and was berried in Ga, she dropped me off at a hospital, she is crazy, and out of her mind cannot even have a conversation, i love my birth siblings, but have no contact with her, i wish i just left it alone, like my 5 adopted siblings have done, it is better to just leave it alone

Answer 27

My husband and I met our daughter's birthmother at our agency yesterday. We pick up our daughter today! This was optional for both parties, however, I thought it was essential that my little girl know about her bmom. I wanted to be able at some point to describe her ( I took a picture of the three of us as well), and to be able to tell her how lovely she is, and also the struggle and how difficult it was for her to make her decision.  We have also agreed to keep the lines of communication open by sending a minimum of 2 letters and pictures a  year through our agency.

If you have a desire to meet your birthmother...........do it. It may be beneficial to both of you.  If you don't, you may "always wonder, and have unanswered questions".  Good Luck, and Go For It!

Answer 28

yes i met them, i have found my birthmother and her 2 sons. it was a wonderful experience for me. i do not and have never held any hard feelings toward her and her decision.

my brothers are great, i just love them, and wouldnt want my life to be without them.

she is not my mom, but she is lori and we are ok with that

Answer 29

I was not adopted but rather am an adoptive Mother and I would urge my children to seek their Birth parents out when they are old enough to deal with it. I think it will tie things together for them.... and hopefully they will have a positive experience. Best of Luck to you.

Answer 30

I have not meet my birth parents, however I would like to meet them some day. I tried to look for my mother on my own once but I got frustrated with my adoption agency, due to a closed adoption, I stopped trying. I will try again some day, I'm just not sure when.