If you are unable to attend a wedding, is it expected that you should spend more on a gift?

Question

I was discussing this with my wife yesterday, as we got married a few weeks ago. Several of my cousins (who live 1,000 miles away and I'm not that close with) declined to attend, but sent gifts anyway.

Some of them were extremely generous cash gifts, and I wondered if they might have felt guilty not making the trip when I was at their weddings a few years ago.

What do you think? Do you tend to (consciously or sub-consciously) tend to spend more money on a gift if you do not attend the ceremony?

Answer 1

I think it depends on how I know the couple, if i was really close to them but couldn't come for some reason I'd get a more genorous gift but if I couldn't go to a distant relatives wedding or a friend I wasn't closed to anymore I wouldn't feel like I had to so I'd probably actually buy something cheaper than if I was attending.

Answer 2

It depends on how close I am to the person.

In recent weddings, some relatives who gave large gifts said outright that they were sending what they would have spent on plane fare.

Answer 3

I tend to spend less if I'm not attending because I'm not receiving a meal and everything.  

Answer 4

I personally don't spend more money if I don't attend, but I am sure some people do because they feel guilty.  

Answer 5

No, you dont need to spend more on gifts on occasions that you dont attend.  As the saying goes, "it is the thought that counts."  Give more personal gifts, try to know what they like and give this kind of gift altho it doesnt cost very much.  Write a card that goes along with it that is very personal which,  most likely, they will save the card to remember you by.  Then, make sure in some immediate opportunity, visit them and see how they are doing.  They will love you for this.  

Answer 6

Nope.  I spend what I can afford.  Period. If I have extra money that month they get a more pricey gift.  If I'm a little short that month then they get a not so pricey gift but still a thoughtful gift.

Answer 7

If I don't go to the wedding I usually don't give a gift! This has only happened once or twice with distant friends... but if I can't make the wedding and throw out the invite, I forget about it.

Answer 8

I would think the opposite.  That people wouldn't think any gift was necessary because you don't pay for their food.  Some of my relatives who live overseas and couldn't make it sent very generous gifts as well, but I don't think it had anything to do with their not being able to make it.

Answer 9

Normally you send 1/2 the amount, but the generosity of the gifts show they really care about you and your wife.  So, don't feel guilty..just send them a thank you card and a handwritten note indicating your special thanks for their very generous gift.  

Answer 10

Some people tend to feel guilty for not attending, and if they really want you to know that they love you, they might get a more expensive gift because of it. It really depends on who you're dealing with, though. Maybe they just really love you guys and wanted you to have a nice gift.

Answer 11

Actually, its quite the opposite!!  Many people who do not attend a wedding either do not send a gift (cash or a wrapped present) at all OR it's just a card with their best wishes (and maybe a small check) inside.

Consider yourself very fortunate!  You must be a couple that is well-liked and your cousins are happy for you!  Hip Hip Hooray!

Answered by:  A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant