If you are unsure if someone will say yes to a proposal...do you spend a load on the engagement ring?

Question

Well, the person I love is engaged to another..but she says she wants to be with me.

The reason why we are not together is because she is afraid of rejection from her family.

She says she wants to be with me but is afraid....I am going to ask her to marry me after 6 years of a closet relationship with her.

I have seen the perfect ring for her...and its specially commissioned in a celtic knot. BUT i dont want to spend 8000 on a ring that I cant return if she says 'no'

should I get a cheaper ring to ask her first as I know there is only a slim chance of her saying yes.

I just want her to now that I am 100% committed to her and if she did take the step of being with me after 6 years in the closet....then i am with her with all my heart. And, after 6 years, i have to do something.

So, should I go for the cheaper ring for now? I dont mean to sound like I'm making my lover for her cheap, just trying to be sensible about this.

Thanks for any help.

xx

Answer 1

Whoa let's slow things a little bit. I know that you may have strong feelings for this person but you are taking things way to fast. First handle that person's first engagement.  Things will quickly turn sour and for sure her family won't accept you. Have you yet had a relationship with this person? I would think that if she really loved she wouldn't be engaged let alone be in a relationship other than you. So get that settled first with if she really wants to be with you. If everything works out than just start out with a relationship first, no need to jump right into a HUGE commitment. What's the rush anyways, right? Besides if she gets out of an engagement and hops right into another one, she'll most likely get bad rep =/. Why the "closet" relationship anyways? How do you know if she won't do the same with you? But if you do decide to propose I would say to first buy an affordable "proposal" ring and then if she accepts you can both go shopping for the engagement ring and also the rings for the wedding.  That way you can both be secure with making such a huge investment. Hope this helps and hope i didn't offend you. =)

Answer 2

I wouldn't buy a ring or ask her unless she tells her family she is in love with you and ends it with him.

She already knows you are committed to her . Its been 6 years.  But how committed is she to take the next step towards having YOU in her life?  She needs to tell her family now or let you go.    

You cannot both live in fear or in a closet relationship for the rest of your lives. You are bound to get caught at some point.

Its time to make a decision and either move forward or end it.  

Best of luck.  

Answer 3

get a cheaper ring that look like it andif she says yes swap it and return the cheap one

Answer 4

I think thats kinda the point - you expect that because you love each other so so much that she WILL say yes, so you are happy to spend so much on a ring for her. I get your point though, because of your current situation. Thing is, if she says that she wants to be with you, it should be up to you and her, not her family. If she loves you, she should be saying yes. I would recommend chatting to her first, finding out JUST how much she wants to be with you and if she will ever leave this other guy for you. If she says yes, go for the big fancy engagement ring and propose. BUT only once she has left the other guy, because currently it is cheating and thats not fair on him!

Answer 5

I would not propose to her until you know for sure what her answer would be.  I would "feel her out" first by asking her questions and making statements like:

"Do you really think you are in love with this other man...do you think you will be happy"?

"Maybe you should break up with him and we should get married"

"Do you really love me or him"?

"Can you imagine spending your whole life with him if we are really meant to be together"?

"I can see us being married, with a family of our own and very happy"

"If you married me, we would have such a great life together"

"Maybe I should propose to you and you should break off your engagement to the other guy.  You only have one shot at life and you need to be happy".

See what she says in response to these comments.  If you get positive responses, then you should risk it and buy the expensive ring and propose.  Love is worth risking everything for! Good luck!

Answer 6

why dont you buy a cheaper ring... and give it as a commitment ring, to show her that you are really serious, if she accepts it, then you can spend however much you like on the engagement ring.. you will know she loves you!

Answer 7

She is engaged. She is taken. Get out of her life. If she wanted to be with you so badly, she'd dump the other guy regardless of what her family thinks.