If you choose to bring a child into this world...?

Question

And he/she is later adopted, what moral obligations, if any, do you have to your child, both short & long-term?

Answer 1

Well I dont think my Mother who *brought me into this world* thinks she has one single obligation to me, moral or otherwise

:(

Answer 2

Full and complete disclosure about their medical and geneology information. Easy accessability to answer any questions at any time or stage in their life. Always be there for the child. Open lines of communication for their entire life. They had to go live with someone else, doesn't mean you can't still be part of their lives. That's so cruel and selfish. The family got bigger, not "secret." I think it's shameful that a "birthmother" would be so selfish that she would agree to an open adoption,then not follow through. How cruel to the AP's who chose her because she was agreeable to an open adoption. The AP's want their child to grow up as healthy as possible and they have been schooled by the agencies about the trauma a baby suffers when taken from the woman that gave birth. That's why PAP's WANT open adoptions, to minimize the pain and suffering of the baby. I would hope that all birthmothers would honor and adhere to their agreement. If I adopted a child, I would take the "birthmother" to court for not adhering to the agreement. No child should feel abandoned. If she doesn't really want an open adoption, then she needs to say that up front, so the PAP's can move on to someone who REALLY cares about the welfare of the child.

This does not apply for parents who have had children taken away due to abuse.

Answer 3

To be willing to listen when and if the day came that my child wanted to talk to me.

To be willing to answer honestly when and if the day came that my child wanted me to answer any questions.

Morally I would want my child to understand that I loved him or her very much but the situation that lead to the adoption was the right option at that time for his or her best interest.

I would want to own my end of the situation and learn over the years to allow myself to be ready to be honest with my child and consider the best interest. of my childs feelings rather than my own.

I believe that no matter what the child should never be made to feel responsible for the choices, feelings or emotions of their parent on this kind of issue--and I believe that it would be my obligation to not make myself a victim or more emotinally needy then the needs of the child.

If I were blessed with the joy of having a relationship with my child once they were adults I would want them to be able to get to know me--and decide how deep we became.... I think that my deep hurt and loss feelings or any issues that made me feel it was the only choice would be saved for a time after we were able to talk about his or her feelings first.....

Of course, I would want to say I loved my child and thought of him or her everyday and longed that I had been there everday....but, until my child wanted to Build an Intamate relationship with me--I would keep some feelings from affecting the emotional well-being of my adult child....

Answer 4

I think this is a question that most first moms don't get a chance to think about until they have made the choice and realize it's too late.  First moms need to be counselled about what will happen down the road for them, and for their child. They need to know about the tremendous loss they will both feel.  

But, if adoption is the only option, even after all options are truly looked at, then the first mom should be counselled about the ways she can make the adoption easier for the child, which would include medical background, etc....

Answer 5

Wow, what are my moral obligations to my son? Wow.

To provide the agency with updated medical information. Not that they give it to his family, mind you. To keep detailed records and pictures of the time he was in my care, as well as providing them to the agency. To provide his sister's with as much knowledge of their brother as possible. Adoption is not a secret in my home and telling siblings is as important as telling the adoptee. To inform the agency about his sisters and provide pictures yearly, again not like he gets them. To make myself as accessible and easy to locate as possible, should he want to search I don't want him to have the heartache and pain of a decade long search process, I will never take another surname and I will always be listed in the phone directory. I try to keep myself informed about adoptee issues, both for myself as well as for him. Someday I may be the only person able to heal any damage I caused by relinquishing.

Most importantly, in my books, is to live my life in a way that would make him proud to be my child. To be an honest, caring and law abiding citizen and to set a positive example regardless of the fact that he is unable to witness it right now.

Answer 6

I think that your gift of life is a good start. But I also believe whole heartedly that you should give that child the right to know who you are and where they came from. I don't think that you need to divulge everything to that child but at the very least supply them with some medical background.

Answer 7

if you give the child up you have the obligation of giving the new family medical history but other than that I would say none unless at some later date the child wishes to meet you then you go on their terms

Answer 8

None....I am a single Dad, raised two myself. The child's loyalty and gratitude shouls be with those who put in the love, care and hard workd to care for and protect his/he interests into adulthood and beyond, not to a biological delivery body.! Amyone can make a kid, but it takes a special kind of Person to dedicate their time, money and a great deal of their life looking after that child. As far as the biological Parent is concerned, adoption is adoption and she should let the kid alone to grow up without the complexity of wondering and worrying about two sets of Parents. I sympathize with those who through necessity must adopt out their child, but the real sacrifices are with those who choose to adopt and the biological Mother should appreciate what's best for her Son or Daughter and let things be.

Answer 9

I think the child has a right to know who their biological parents were and to see pictures of them.To know about them....their likes/dislikes,hobbies,etc.....

To know why they were given up

To be willing to talk to the child and answer all their questions willingly.

To give their medical hostory.

To give their family history.

and also the adoptive parents should be willing to tell the child they were adopted and to tell them all the things I said above.And to not bad mouth the biological parents no matter what.And be willing to allow the child to talk to/have a relationship with their biological parents when they're ready to do so....

Answer 10

I think you would have to take into consideration what the person's moral values are.

For me, anything that is a part of me. That is grown and carried in my womb, I owe all of my life and all of my love!!!!!

Answer 11

That child would be a part of me - I would want to be available for he/she whenever they felt the need.

I've carried the child to term - I'd feel hugely obligated to provide as much information as was needed - and personal contact if they so wished.

No child can fully grow without knowing where they came from.

I'm as much nature as I am nurture.

I need to know all that have a part in making me who I am today.

If I were to give a child up (which I never would) - that child would certainly have very similar needs.

Answer 12

to provide as much of the child's personal and family history as possible. to do whatever you can to ensure that information is available when the child wants it. to take steps that will enable the child to find you when/if they want to. it is so so wrong for birth parents not to allow their children to find them someday. they have that responsibility, later on, to answer the child's questions. no matter how painful it is to the parent.

im sorry if ive been insensitive or failed to consider any other sides to what i have said. please feel free to call me out if you feel the need to.

Answer 13

the option to apopt is already made when the baby is born most of the time, isn't it? One most likely feels a sense of love and self for the child because, it was in fact her child.

Answer 14

I think they should give the Adoptive Parents or Agency as much medical information as they can provide from both sides, also some heritage information. I think that should be a requirement for birthparents when they decided to place their baby for adoption. Its not like they have to go into identifying information if they don’t want too. Maybe write them a short letter on why they were placed, even if they have to be bluntly honest that they just didn’t want a child at that time or ever.

As far as longterm the only i think is if the person tries to find them to at least spend a few hours and answer question the person might want. Even if they don't want to have any type  of relatioship with their birthchild after this.

Answer 15

I think you have a moral obligation to give them as detailed a medical history as possible. I think it would be nice if you could both meet once (if the child wants it), just to clear the air and let them know they weren't just discarded.