If you could put an end to adoption, would you do it? ?

Question

Some users seems to have extremely negative views toward adoption, so I wonder: Would you like to see society scrap it altogether?

How do you envision things working is adoption is outlawed?

Also I would like to know if you have any children and if raising them has colored your outlook on adoption.

Answer 1

If we lived in a perfect world, there would not be a need for adoption.

Better services for parents, moms/dads, would eliminate some of the children in foster care/adoption, but would it eradicate the need for adoption, NO.

I have adopted three children through foster care. My youngest son, is the only one,that I have contact with the first mom, I knew her a few months before she gave birth. I have a different view of what some first moms go through, it was a much needed eye-opener.

Answer 2

nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

that would meen my sister would be on the streets!!!!!!!!!!:0(

Answer 3

I think adoption is wonderful. I'm only 19, so I have no real plans for having children yet, but right now, I can't imagine why anyone would want to go and have a bunch of their own spoiled kids (I know a family with 9, non adopted), when there are so many that need homes.

I think that it is sad when a kid has to be taken away from it's family. I think more should be done to prevent adoption being a necessity. More women should be encouraged to just not have kids, if they're not ready for them, rather than having an abortion, or putting them up for adoption. But those things do happen, and it seems to me that adoption is the best way to deal with this sort of thing.

I personally was raised by a very screwed up family. They weren't particularly horrible, I mean, so broken bones, or anything, but there was a lot of verbal and psychological abuse, and it was never a secret that I wasn't planned. Even though I know my mother loved me in her own way, she allowed my dad to do lots of things to us, that he shouldn't have done, and I think that my brothers, sister, and I would have done better in another family, or at least if someone had stepped in and said "hey no, this isn't acceptable to treat these kids that way, you have to stop". I think that my own childhood is what has colored my outlook on adoption most.

Answer 4

no

Answer 5

Probably not the best analogy, but here I go...

[Sometimes women get pregnant when they aren't in a position to be mothers.]

Sometimes a mother and father have to divorce when they just can't along as parents anymore, forcing a kid to choose one parent over the child and feeling guilty for taking sides.

What's so sad about that? I mean, they should be grateful! They've still got both parents, they have still have a good home and food and people who love them. Shouldn't they just get over the fact that their parents divorced?

~*~

Have you ever relinquished a child before, Suzy?

Have you ever read the blogs of first mothers who had NO choice but to give up their children? Have you read any blogs written by TRAs?

If you ARE an adoptee and you feel your life was a fairy-tale and you wouldn't change a thing about it, then more power to you. But please don't dismiss the negative views just because they're not what you want to hear about - they're important too.

Answer 6

If I could wave my magic wand and put an end to all of the world's problems that make adoption necessary, I would.  

But until that happens, I would not put an end to adoption.

Answer 7

Yes! I would scratch it in a heartbeat! Replace it with a system that is massively reformed in child placement into homes where the childs identity isn't taken, their names aren't changed w/out their consent, no sealing of the records, legal guardianship so that the child has legal representation by their replacement parents and new caretakers. Foster Youth would have first priority. There would be waiting lists of PAP's, no prebirth matching, no finances paid to potential surrendering mothers. No private agencies claiming to be non profits, yet making millions annually, all private agencies would be banned.

Mothers would be given assistance beyond whats given now to keep and raise their children, poverty is NEVER A REASON TO LOSE YOUR CHILD yet its happening in third world countries at an alarming rate.

That would be a start. Read it and weap. I know it will make your day.

Yes, I am a mother. I survived family pressure to surrender and abort my child. I also survived adoption. I would never in a million years advocate for it, or for surrender. NEVER. I felt like this before I had children though so...

Answer 8

I feel strongly about adoptions unlike most social workers. We tell women and women being beat everyday they need to leave that relationship due to the one beating them will never change. So how is it right to say when a child is beaten and abused sexually assaulted in a drug infested setting ect do we say its in the childs best interests to work on placing him or her back in that situation. and i dint think this is how they think i asked a question on here and a social worker answered back saying its in the best interest of the child and that i was selfish dont believe me look ur self click on my question wanted to adopt and scroll throw the answers. I find this very alarming to preach abusive people dont change so leave them and when it involves a child we place them right back into that situation.  I also feel when most children are placed back into this its now harder to catch the abuse since now when they abuse there more carefull in not getting caught. For that social worker who answered my question saying i was selfish and i have no education on this matter or experence saying you look after 1000s of children how could you possibly know whats happening with all those children when your work load is in the 1000. So my answer to this is we are failing the children and it needs to be looked at and possibly changed for the well being of the children and in their best interest wheather that being taken away and put up for adoption or being placed back into the home . But dont always say its better to put them back into the home to be abused ect Heres a good site of what parents wanting to adopt run into  

Answer 9

Children should be kept in the natural family if at all possible.  There are usually extended family (siblings, aunts/uncles, grandparents, etc) that are perfectly capable of helping a mother who needs help with parenting.

If adoption is the only resort, the child's name/identity does not need to be changed and hidden in sealed records.

If losing a child to adoption is "not so sad," why don't you try it?

Answer 10

when i was an infant till 6 yrs old i was abused so i hear about all these kids who need help and i just want them all!! it saddens me that u would even ask this question. I am a dopted and i am 13 yrs. old

Answer 11

no i wouldn't because there are sooooo many children who need a good home and good family to love them and mother's that can not conceive that that would love to mother them why would anyone wanna take that from them seriously look at brad and angie or russel simmons these are people who adopted kids and will now be able to give them the best or best y would you wanna take that away????

Answer 12

So, what happens to all the children in Foster Care who have no homes!  Do we just let them age out of the system and hope they have received good morals / values...?

Answer 13

Never

Adoption is part of life

even animals like cats dogs elephants horses cows possums etc... all adopt orphaned babies

I guess these animals are more humane than you are.

Answer 14

Never!!!

My father was adopted, because my grandparents were physically unable to have a child.  

My sister was raped and had a baby.  This baby was put up for adoption and is now with a wonderful family that loves him.  They also couldn't have children.

I think it is wonderful, because it insures many children are given the chance to have loving parents.

Answer 15

In a perfect world, every pregnant woman would be head over heels excited to be a mom.  Every pregnant woman would have the resources and family support to be able to parent.  Every mother would be willing and able to become what her child needs her to be.  There would be no mental illness or abuse or social systems designed to separate families, no poverty or famine, no need or reason for adoption.

If it were POSSIBLE, then yes, I would absolutely do away with adoption.  Adoption only results after something negative happens.  If I could make all the negative stuff go away, so that all mothers could parent their children, I would do so in a heartbeat.

Answer 16

I can't fathom a reason to put an end to adoption.... Adoption has provided loving and strong families to so many children - why on earth would we scrap it?

Answer 17

I believe in adoption in cases of abuse, addiction, or profound neglect--every other adoption is unnecessary.

Has having children 'colored' my outlook on adoption?  I suppose--now I know it's MORE wrong than ever.

No one is capable of raising my children better than I am--the manual is in every cell in my & my husbands body.

It's so simple really--just as it was designed.

Answer 18

No.  Adoption is a socially wonderful solution to many problems.  There is also lots of sadness and loss associated with it.  But there is sadness and loss associated with everything in life, so I can't single out adoption as a problem.

Answer 19

I would like some MAJOR reform done but I don't want to see it outlawed. No advertising, no prebirth matching, no private adoptions, adoption shouldn't be encouraged. I don't think the PAP's have any buisness paying for pregnancy related items, nor should they be in the delivery room (goingback to pre birth matching). I do not think ANY plans for adoption should be made untill after the birth. You should not be able to sign the TPR untill at least a year after the birth, and a psychiatric evaluation to rule out PPD, also at least 3 months of counciling should be required before relinquishment to help the mother understand the emotional consequenses of doing so for both mother AND child. After the TPR has been signed, there should be a revoktion periodof at least another year. Open adoptions should be legally enforcable. There should be no such thing as sealed records, I do not think that the government should give ANY money to help wih adoption (unless it is outof foster care), but instead redirect those funds to families that kept their children and need assistance financially. Programs like Big Brothers and Big Sisters should be filled to the brim with infertile couples who want to help kids and be a positive role model for them. I hate the term "birthmother" or "birth" anything, as well as "biological" or "blood". I prefer the term "natural" some prefer the term "first". Either one works

TAKE THE MONEY OUT OFADOPTION

I would like to see more "permanent legal gaurdianships" take the place of adoptions

Yes, Having my son totally changed my perspective on adoption (as well as coming on here). Before I had my son, I didn't understand the bond between a mother and child. It IS sacred, and people think that it is a GOOD thing to break that?!?!?!?!?! It is not something to be taken lightly. It has been sad ountless times and I will say it again, adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You won't always be young, single, poor, uneducated... whatever.

I do advocate adoption from foster care

Answer 20

Dear Suzy,

In a perfect world, yes, I would do away with adoption.  In the world as it is now...no.  It is necessary (unfortunately).

For those who may be interested, *I* am the social worker that Stephen G is going to such great lengths to 'call out' in his answer here -- and MANY of his recent answers.  This man has got a serious "bug up his butt" about his own failed adoption situation.  (Failed in the sense that he does not wish to foster before adoption and has, therefore, decided not to adopt at all).

By all means, please read the question he is suggesting you read -- and my answer to it.  I NEVER said it was better to send a child back to an abusive situation.  NEVER have I said that -- here or anywhere else!  I said in that answer (as you will clearly see if you read it) that the children, themselves, often PREFER...WISH...to go back to their own parents (even some parents who were abusive) rather than go to another home.

What SG clearly doesn't understand is that an element of the *wish* of these children is to go home to their OWN mom and dad and NOT be abused.  Is the fantasy-thinking of a child so hard to understand?  Sheesh!  They would choose -- if given the choice -- to go HOME and NOT be abused, rather than to go live with a STRANGER and NOT be abused.  How is that hard to understand?  We all know that many abused women still love their abusers (should they go back? NO!) even though they have been hurt by them.  How is it so different for a CHILD?  A person who has known ONLY that parent for their entire life.

I'm not (nor was I ever) talking about what should happen.  There are too many things specific to each case for a one-size-fits-all solution.  What I am, and was, talking about is how the children FEEL!  Yes, I do know how they feel -- they TOLD ME THEMSELVES.  Did they always go home?  No.  Should they have always gone home? No.  But they almost always WANTED to go home -- at least in the beginning (the first few days or weeks after their removal).

Argue all you want about who "knows" what the children want/wanted.  I was there.  I am speaking of the ACTUAL children I worked with (many thousands).  I am not speaking in general terms.  I am not talking about what I *think* they wanted.  I am saying what they TOLD me.  I worked with them, SG. You did not.  You may know the 2 children you fostered.  I don't claim to know those children.  You do not know the children I worked with.  You have no knowledge with which to dispute the facts about what they told me.

You are irresponsible to 'twist' the words I said into something completely unrecognizable.  I'm glad the question you asked, and my answer to it, will always be there to set the record straight on what you are claiming I said.  Your claims being hideous and vulgar.  Good day.

Answer 21

IF I could end the NEED for adoption, then I would, but there is a need. It's very sad

Yes I have 2 children. One is biological and one is adopted. Going through with my sons adoption has definitely taught me alot about adoption, mostly the corruption I saw. Nothing that would have effected our son being with us, but a lot of where the money goes and the was the agencies milk people for money, which gives them an incentive to recruit mother to place their children.

Example: There is usually a placement fee for adopting. Agencies charge a % of a families income. I find it real odd that placing a cild with a wealthier family costs more.

There is one SW here who lost all credibility to me when she tried to justify the ned for so much money from PAPs. e said that tey cover NICU costs and heath care for the baby. I KNOW that inthe US children placed outside of the biological home, but not yet adopted, qualify for Mediaid.

These things really opened my eyes to all the corruption surrounding the biggest decision a woman could make.