If you could write your own obituaries what would it say?

Question

If you could write your own obituaries what would it say?

Answer 1

Bye.

I love you (you know who you are).

Answer 2

She passed away at the ripe old age of 102, while having s*x with a 24 year old p**n star, she'd been dating recently.  A picture of health, even for her age, apparently the stress of her upcoming presidential inauguration was too much.  She seizured mildly, causing her hearing aid to fall out into her lover's mouth, and he began to choke to death on it.  She attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him mid-coitus, but couldn't get her knee deeply enough into his sternum to dislodge the hearing aid.  The lover, flailing around in panic, accidentally head-butted her, causing massive brain trauma.  She died instantly.

She leaves behind three children.  One a retired Army general and 3-time purple heart winner, he has 6 children of his own, all girls, and 25 grandchildren, all girls, and he now teaches Sunday School to autistic children as part of required community service for urinating in public on a statue of Barbie.  The second on is a PhD in zoology from the University of Honolulu, and is currently living somewhere in Asia studying the very rare volcanic Gobi desert Camel-backed hamster's mating habits.  She has 2 adopted children, who work as missionaries building igloos in Alaska.  The third chid is a well-known Hollywood actress and Broadway performer, who starred in the most recent stage adaptation of "Barbie of Fairytopia".

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that a donation of old clothing and shoes be made to The National Kidney Foundation.

Answer 3

I demand a second opinion

Answer 4

Heather died today at age 120.

Man, she owed a lot of money. =)

Answer 5

"Murdered at age 106 by a jealous husband."

Answer 6

Here Lays Snooty, a princess in her own mind