If you found out your neighbor is now a registered s*x offender....?

Question

I've lived in my current home for 10 years. And my next-door neighbor has been in the neighborhood nearly as long. Well, it was a family a Mom, Dad and 2 girls. We found out less than a year ago Dad had taken indecent liberties with his 13 year old Step-daughter! So he left and months later Mom and the girls left and the Dad came back! I have 3 kids..2 boys and 1 girl...5,6 and 9.

This guy works with my husband and he's always saying "hey, how are you?" I don't know what I should do. Should I pretend everything's okay and just watch my children closely. It will probably be next to impossible to sell this house now..because of disclosure. Ugh.

We share a property line with him.. and I would rather not tick him off...

Answer 1

I woulndt try to cause a scene just keep a very close eye on your children. Maybe he was high on drugs at the time. He might be a good guy although after what he did he will never be looked at the same. Neverless watch your children closely. Dont leave them home alone and if they go play outside go out there with them or keep a close eye on them. If you think you should you can explain to your children that he is a bad man and they should stay away from them. If not just tell them to let you know if he says anything to them.

Answer 2

I would be cool, but civil.   I would check to see if Dad is correctly registered at his current address.   If I found out that he had not registered correctly now, or in the past, I would report that to the police station.   I would check the rules for registered s*x offenders closely, and if I determined that he had violated some rule, like living within x hundred feet of a school, etc., I would report that to the police.

I would not give up on selling the house, if that is what you want to do.   If you persevere, you will succeed, especially if you find yourself an aggressive real estate agent.  

I would, of course, not allow my children any contact with the occupants of that household.   And, I would tell any neighbors that I was friendly with about it, if they did not know.  

Best of luck.

Answer 3

I would just say,

"listen, we know what you did and we don't associate with people like that.  we share a property line so we have to be in contact with you in the future, but I would prefer it if we could keep it to a minimum and completely professional in regards to our property line and yours.  Leave us alone and as long as you keep your pants zipped up around the young ones we will do the same."

Answer 4

Just don't let your kids go over there or be around him. Let them know that if he tries to approach them when they are playing in the yard at all they should come inside your home immediately and tell you.

I don't see any harm in saying "hello" to be polite if he says so to you, but I would not be getting chummy with him by inviting him over or letting my kids go over there though.  It's also a house you may want to make other parents of kids aware of in the neightborhood when he's not around to hear you do it so they don't have their kids near him either. Keep your doors locked at all times when inside and talk to your kids about stranger danger and why they should not go with people without your permission, whether they know them or not.

Answer 5

I'm very sorry to hear about you situation, it must be nerve wracking. Not too long ago my mom found out that my sister's friend's father had molested his niece (I think it was his niece). The only way to find him is by actually entering his name on the search, so unless you already suspected him you'd never know, and my sister had been over there several times.

Unfortunately a lot of law regarding s*x offenders does more to protect the s*x offenders than potential victims. I just found out that, at least in California, if the offenders crime was only (as if it's such a minor crime, I mean seriously):

"(1) sexual battery by restraint (Penal Code § 243.4, subd. (a)); (2) misdemeanor child molestation (Penal Code § 647.6, or former section 647a); or (3) any offense which did not involve penetration or oral copulation, the victim of which was a child, stepchild, grandchild, or sibling of the offender, and for which the offender successfully completed or is successfully completing probation." http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/sexreg.aspx

The offender can actually apply to have his name excluded from the internet site. Unbelievable.

My advice to you would be to talk to your kids (at least the oldest one if not all of them) about what the man did (using language as age appropriate as you can and being as sensitive as possible while still making sure they understand how dangerous he is) and tell them what to do if he ever tries to talk to them, touch them etc.. Tell them to avoid him at all cost, and use this as an opportunity to teach them about safety from this kind of thing in general.

I would be less concerned about pissing this man off than I would about protecting your kids, but I really can't say which would be less risky: telling him that you know what he did and that he had better not touch your kids, or being politely distant.

I really hope the situation works out, and selling the house might be best. It might be trickier to sell, but not impossible.

Answer 6

Warn your kids away from him and tell him straight off that you know what he did and that you do not want to associate with him, and tell him to stay away from your kids.

Then just keep an eye on him. The ones that go after family are less likely to go after neighborhood kids, I wouldn't say you're safe, but I doubt anything more than staying aware of what your kids are doing and what he is doing is necessary.

Answer 7

MAKE SURE UR KIDS KNOW WHAT 2 DO, explain to them, this dude is A bad man, if ANY PERSON touches u in a way that makes u feel bad tell me or Daddy, If u can BUILD A FENCE,,, DO!!! again safety rules never talk 2 staranger Blah Blah, u know the drill just sit them down u & ur husband talk 2 them in a way they under stand, I know bcus when i was 8 (14 yrs ago) we live next 2 a s*x offinder we got a fence 7 A SECURITY SYSTEM!!! GOOD LUCK GOD BLESS U & UR FAMILY!!!

Answer 8

First of all make your husband confront him.

Make him tell the guy we know who you are, we share a property line so if we do any business together lets make it 100% professional. Also, we have kids and are sensitve on this matter. We will be watching carefully to make sure nothing happens. However, we will not be paranoid and come into your business, it must be embarassing to have to put your name on such a list and if you stay clear of our children then everything will be fine between us and we will hold nothing against you.

Answer 9

There are s*x offenders everywhere in every neighborhood.  Keep a really close watch on your kids and also tell them as much as you can for their age about what he did.  You don't have to let on that you know or be mean to him, just be distant.

Answer 10

well, i was raised with a s*x offender when my mom moved him in when i was 15. he never assaulted me as i was "too old" for him but he did psychologically abuse me. Please let your kids know to stay away from him. these men can be very manipulative and friendly initially to hide true intentions. i now work with offenders in Forensic services to get them sentenced accordingly, so I know that they always blame the child for being "provocative" even if it is a baby. sorry, dont take any chances

Answer 11

I'd install surveillance cameras around the outside of your house. It isn't as expensive as people think it is. Radio Shack can pull their online inventory and they range from 500.00+ for a 4 camera system with 24/7 function. Other than that, i don't know what to advise, just stay cautious and avoid confrontation.

Answer 12

you should go to the websites and make sure he isn't the only one. Also, you need to explain things to your nine year old and tell your husband that that guy is unacceptable to be near them. You can call the town police and explain the situation and ask what can be done if anything, and make sure they know you have three kids. A camera isn't a bad idea, but I would definitely be agressive against this guy, forget not ticking him off, this is about protecting your angels. no holds barred.

Answer 13

We found out our neighbor was a s*x offender on a girl age 6-11 by looking on our state police website. We had always been friendly to him on an acquaintance basis up to that point. After that, he tried to come over to borrow a lawn mower (his broke or something) and my husband said,"I'm not trying to start trouble, but recently we found out you're on the state s*x offender list and we have young daughters, so we would appreciate if you didn't stop by anymore, or speak to my wife and children." He never came back over and avoided us like the plague. he moved out 2 years ago and it was one of the happiest days of my life.