If you found your real parents, did they look like you thought they would?

Question

did they look like you?

Answer 1

My n-mom looked like how I thought she would, though I had an old photo of her when she was about 17, so I had something to imagine a little bit...

My n-dad didn't look anything like I thought, because I could never have imagined looking at a male version of my face. It was amazing to see him and the similarities. I also look like my 1/2 sister on my mom's side. It's very nice to see the combination of how I look like both sides of my family.  

Answer 2

I don't know my daughter's natural dad, but I met her mom and have pics. Just yesterday I was trying to compare my daughter with her mom. My daughter is only 2.5 yrs, and I couldn't see that much resemblance, except they seemed to have the same eyebrows. I wonder how it will change over time. I wish I had a picture of her father to compare with too.  

Answer 3

I'm not adopted, but I had to answer this question because it is SO relevant to my family.  

I always think it's funny that one of the things adoptees talk about the most is "looking like" someone.  I have never looked even remotely like my mother.  Neither do any of my brothers!  It's really quite strange.  A brown eyed-brown haired mother gave birth to 4 blue-eyed blond children and adopted two more!  Now, all of us have had our hair darken a bit as we aged, but we still all have eyes like the sky.  It's a good thing that it was my mother with the brown eyes.  If things had flowed the other way around, people may have become suspicious.  

I actually look far more like both my adopted brothers than I do like my mother.  Even stranger, one of my adopted brothers was the spitting image of my father in his childhood.  There are certain ages where if you compare their pictures, only the syles of clothing and shape of the pictures gives any clue to which is which.  The main difference (if you line us all up now) is height.  My two adopted brothers are short.  My three biological brothers are tall.  That, however, likely has more to do with the severe FAS and lack of prenatal care than actual genetics, as their biolocial father was reportedly of above average height, and their healthy younger brother is several inches taller than either of them.  

My family is blessed to have almost everyone still centered in a relatively small geographical area.  That means that there are very few "genetic questions" for me to ask.  Adoptees often show that nature can come through strong.  On the other hand, my family also shows that genetics aren't everything, and that mutations are relatively frequent occurances.  Often, a child will be born that looks nothing like either parent or any of the siblings.  Sometimes this child will look like a great-aunt, uncle, or grandfather.  Sometimes they'll be a completely new combination.  Children are VERY rarely actual copies of one parent, or even a blending of the two parents.  That's why it's so strange to me "someone who looks like me" is something adoptees are looking to find in their biological parents.  Maybe it does happen to other people, but in my family, who you look like isn't a very good indication of genetics.  

Answer 4

Yes and Yes.

After almost 40 years of life - of not ever seeing another that looked just like me - last Christmas I finally received the photo I had always wanted to see.

Amazing.

Just amazing.

ETA: HA!! Only adoptive parents with acute insecurities would ever tell an adoptee who their own 'real' mother is.

Pfffftttttt.

Answer 5

I'm not sure what I thought they would look like, but my mom sure looks like me.  It was wild to finally see someone else who had some of my features.  Very cool.

Answer 6

I did have one picture of them taken just before I was born and they both looked very different to that picture when I met them.

But one of my bio/original/first/real aunts looks almost identical to me, which was quite scary and very cool considering I'd never seen anyone who looked like me before.

I also look very similar to my bio mom to the point where my a-mom has confused pictures of myself with pictures of my bio mom.

Apparently when I was little, I looked more like my bio dad's sisters, but now I don't really resemble any of his family.

Answer 7

I gave my daughter up in 1987 and just this yr. talked to her and changed pictures and she looks like me. and she thinks so to. I thought she would.

Answer 8

This is a big reason that we kept contact with most of our children's first family.  I never knew if I looked like my dad or not and I wanted my kids to look like someone and know it.  Only two really look like Teresa, their first mom who passed.  The rest look like their first fathers.  All are beautiful!

Since Teresa passed, they want to hear about all the features they have in common with her.  It makes them feel closer to her memory.

Answer 9

I didn't know what to expect.   As a child I tried so hard to picture them in my mind.  Little did I know that all I had to do was look in the mirror - my mother and I could be twins.

Growing up in the dark with no genetic mirroring sucks - it's so powerful to see your kin for the first time and I'm loving seeing old photos of generations of my real family and seeing my own children reflected in those faces.

Please don't allow people like Maureen dictate to you what is real and what is not - you are entitled to define your own life.   Give the finger to those who tell adoptees how to think and how to feel; that's just horrid.

Answer 10

No, they didn't.

I guess Maureen missed the "mother definition" discussion going on roflol.  

Answer 11

omg.  i was the clone of my bmother.

Answer 12

Yes, basically they did.  My first father and I have many of the same physical features.  But, I share so many features with my first mother that people have mistaken pictures of her in her younger years to be pictures of me.  

ETA:

Phil, I love the tag line!  That's too funny.  :-)

Answer 13

I couldn't imagine WHAT they would look like!

However, when I saw photos of them, I knew.  I could have picked them out of hundreds of photos.

My mother's H.S. graduation pic looks just like mine.

Answer 14

They look just like me, and that is what hurts more i believe. I WISH THEY DIED.

Answer 15

My birth mother looks like me. My father we have similar features. I had no concept of what they would look like. I have also met my 1/2 brother and sister from my mothers side and two daughters from my fathers. I was great to me people I look like and feel some sense of belonging.

Answer 16

I honestly had no idea. All I knew was that they were Chinese.

But after seeing a photo of them for the first time - just before my adoption was finalized back then - I noticed that I was a mirror image of my father.

That really gave me a sense of comfort.

ETA: I was wondering why someone didn't "lecture" you out earlier for using the word 'real.' It actually took a lot longer than I thought it would.

Answer 17

Yes,

I look alot like my "real", "first", "birth", "biological", "natural" mother. I used all terms so as to offend everyone. Just kidding! Seriously I was surprised how much i took after my mexican mother and my irish grandmother!

I want to apologize for Maureen's comment, as always you have one adoptive parent that has to insult and bash adoptees on here. If your parents are comfortable with the term you use to describe your mother, than use it. Don't let a mean sprited person tell you how you should describe people in your life. My adoptive are very secure in their relationship with me and therefore did not get their panties in a bunch whenever i used the term "real mother".