If you had a daughter who was pregnant and considering adoption what would you do?

Question

Based on your views of adoption, place in triad, how would you handle this. I'm sure some have been in this position already, what did you do?

No, none of my girls are pregnant...I ask because it seems some on here are against hearing fully all the possible effects of relinquishment. What if this were your daughter? Wouldn't you want them to be fully informed?

Answer 1

I'd be talking my fool head off about how that child needs to be with their family. If I had to, I would be raising the child myself, but don't tell my boys that.

CP:  All the information available don't amount to a hill of beans. There are so many things that you are just never prepared for and by the time you find it completely unbearable, it's too late. Hind sight a kicker.      

Answer 2

i would take custody of the baby. i will never ever put anyone through what i went through and definitely not my blood. mother is going through spells of guilty that now i have to help her with in order to heal myself. she doesn't get that i don't blamer her and that it wasn't her fault. not to me anyway so their should be no guilt.

if i wasn't able to take care of the child then i would go to the fathers parents. and see if they could help. in my situation if my grandparents had known earlier they would have taken custody of me and i could have had my whole family. unfortunately they got to the hospital 45 min. after i was picked up by my adoptive mother not to be seen again for another 30 years. my mother and my father (she's still friends with his family to this day). there are so may options and i just feel adoption should be the last. if she's not ready i won't force the baby on her but i would take guardianship until either she's ready or decides completely that she just wants me to have custody.  

my adoption wasn't just hard on me it was hard on both of my parents , my grandparents, and my adoptive parent. the life of one shouldn't effect so many people in a negative way if want is happening is right. if it's right everyone should be happy. or at least the majority. there is something to be said for that feeling of being complete and i never knew it until now. and now i don't know what i did without it

Answer 3

i would never allow any child of mine to enter into the abyss of adoption.  it's a black hole.

Answer 4

Been there, done that! Daughter was FULLY informed and we offered to help raise, and or raise the child for her. She was a legal adult at the time and decided to place her baby with a WONDERFUL family, with a completely open adoption agreement that has worked out beautifully for everyone.

Will it remain so? I don't know. I think so. My grandchild will always know the reasons for bring placed for adoption and will be able to contact us if that is what he/she chooses( Yes, I do know the gender of my grandchild, but I refuse to give ANY identifying information on this forum due to abuse my family has already suffered from people who frequent here.)

Any issues that may arise in my grandchild will be handled with love and the utmost respect from every member of the family, biological and adopted.

Answer 5

Yes your right i would want to know everything there is on adoption. I'm a birthmother so i know how it feels to placed your child in adoption. If your girls did ever come to you and say this is what she wants please try to support her. I think you should research adoption and everything involed in that. Don't force her into keeping her child though if that's not what she wants. I knew another birthmother who was rape and got pregnant by that rape she didnt want to abort her baby but she couldnt afford to keep her child ( she has 2) so adoption was the best thing for her she meet a lovely couple who wanted an open adoption with her. We'll she gave birth to a beautiful child and her family were against the adoption her grandmother came to the hospital and cried and pleaded not to do this horrible thing you can never take it back. Her mother threated to file a abandoment charge because her other 2 children were staying with her at the time if she choose adoption. Well she got so pressured that she called the adoption people and said she couldnt go threw with it and left with her daughter. A week later she said she made a horrible mistake and she should have never let her family bully her into changing her mind. Turns out her mother filed before her daugther took home the baby when they went to court her mother tired to drop it but the judge refused to let her that since she filed it it was going to happend she wasn't going to mipulated the courts like that. When she tried to talk to the adoptive parents to say she made a mistake and she wanted them to be the parents of her baby they sadly said no. They told her that they were afraid she change her mind and couldnt go threw that pain and told her they were sorry and wished her luck. She says she wish she was braver so that this never happend but in truth if her family would have just support her in her choice none of that would have happend. If your child is sure then please even if you want to adopt the child yourself great but let it be her choice if she is sure then do't force her to think different.

Answer 6

I would make sure that she had considered abortion and then applaud her. I would protect her from people who would try to demean her because of her decision and I would make the necessary arrangements to get her education back on track after she delivered.

Answer 7

I would help her raise the child or raise my grandchild myself.  

Answer 8

I would invite Sly over for dinner!

Having knowledge of the cruel aftermath of the Baby Scoop Era, my family does not exile their children.  The child would stay in our happy, healthy, large family.

Answer 9

This will never happen in my family again, it has been made very clear that adoption is not an option for any of our young women. I am horrified that so many women still in this day and age buy the lie that adoption is always Rainbows and Unicorns..

Sly we can have dinner again? I know we would have a good time skewering some of the folks who's answers just don't make sense..

Answer 10

I would support her and what ever decision she made.  If she expressed an interest in adoption I would make sure she had all the necessary information to make an informed decision.  Same would apply for parenting and abortion.

Answer 11

If she was considering adoption due to circumstances other than simply not wanting to be a parent at all (age, money, school,) I would help her and the father (if he was involved) raise the child anyway I could.  After all, this would be my grandchild.

If she was entirely certain that she just did not want to be a parent, I would help the father with raising my grandchild, or raise my grandchild myself.  I would not want to see my grandchild removed from our family.  

I would not force her to relinquish, nor would I force her to parent.

But I would not lose the newest member of our family, either.

Answer 12

I would make sure that she (he) had all information available to her(him) and if she wanted to place her baby for adoption I would support her(him).  If she(he) wanted me to raise the child I would. In the end whoever  the baby ends up with is  the decision of the baby’s bioparents.  

A lot of people seem to be answering that they would raise their grandchild by themselves or help the father. Well what if both biological parents wanted to place the baby for adoption and did not want to place the baby with a family member or do kinship care? As much as I don’t want to burst the bubble of those saying they would “forbid” , “wouldn’t allow it”. Adoption is completely up to the baby’s biological parents, not the biological grandparents or any other blood relative.  It’s the biological parents who decided if they will place their baby for adoption and often with whom.  In the end all one could do is supply information and maybe pressure someone into parenting or keeping, however that is just as bad as pressuring someone into placing the baby for adoption. In the end it would not be anyone’s decisions on regards of their grandchild or any other blood relative child being placed for adoption.  One can say their piece and advice against it but in the end you would not get the finale say.

Answer 13

you cant force someone to make a choice with thier baby... its thiers you know... all you can do is just support whatever decision they make and be there for her im sure its a veryy hard thing for them to go throguh  

Answer 14

Our family would rise up together to raise that child.  Never again so long as I or my husband live will we ever tear down our family members for getting pregnant.  If our daughters were considering relinquishment (not adoption by the way...) then we will have failed in sharing our own story of relinquishment loss, and failed to tell what happened when my great-grandmother relinquished.

Pregnant women aren't considering adoption, they are considering relinquishment.  Plain and simple.

Answer 15

I am currently in this situation.  It is killing us.  We have offered help her raise it. We have offered to raise it ourselves(grandparents). We have a family member who is already approved for an adoption who has offered to raise it as well.  She refuses all of these options.  It is an awful, painful, confusing situation.  I have read the other responses and they are what we have tried to do, but she refuses.  Now what?  It helps to know that so many others would do what we have tried to do.  At least I know we aren't unlike others.

Answer 16

I would ask her to keep the baby and say that me and he father would help to raise the baby in any way we could.  It would be our grandchild and I couldn't bear to lose it.  I'm not judging people who give up their babies; sometimes there is no other way and they are simply doing what is best for their baby.  But with my daughter she would have the support and funds she needed.  

Answer 17

I actually had this with my step daughter that I raised from the age of 6 to about 17 when she moved back in with her mother.  She became pregnant in high school.  The father's mother was horrible and accused my daughter who is a bit older than he of all kinds of things.  So, he is out of her life.  She had the baby, delivered with her mother on one side of her and me on the other side of her holding her legs while she pushed.  It was beautiful.  My grandson is now 9, with his  mother, and she is married and has another baby girl.  Her husband adopted her son, so that there is a father listed, but we still have his real father's information so that when he is older he will be able to contact him if he chooses.  

There was never a question of her surrendering, or aborting. She was going to have a baby, circumstances were not optimal, but so what.  We made the best of it, and it all worked out just fine, and he knows exactly who he is and where he comes from.  She finished high school in  the Teen Parenting Program, and is working on a degree.  She is just fine, thank you very much.

And, the three mothers shared this beautiful experience.  I wouldn't trade it for one moment.

Answer 18

Knowing what I know now(I'm a birth father) I would do EVERYTHING in my power to keep this child. I've already made one big mistake. How could I live with myself to do it again?

Answer 19

No way in h**l my daughter will ever relinquish. No freaking way. Kinship care sure, adoption NEVER.

I would support whatever choice she made but I will never allow another child from my family to be taken, or given. She doesn't want to raise it? Fine, whatever. She wouldn't have to, but I will.  

Answer 20

I would take full custody of that child. There would be no way I would allow my child to give my grandbaby up for adoption. I would have to take up the responsibility.  

Answer 21

If I had a daughter, or if my son got someone pregnant, I'd let them know that I would help him/her/them to keep their baby.

If they insisted on adoption, I'd request to adopt the child if I was able to.  If I wasn't able to, I'd ask to be involved in an open adoption.

Answer 22

I would ask if I could raise the baby. Not lie to the baby, but gain custody. I would want to always be honest, but I just couldn't let my daughter give the baby away. I would offer first to help her raise the baby, but if she still wanted to give the baby up, then I would ask to adopt the baby myself. We would not let the baby go to someone else, we as a family would raise the baby .

Answer 23

I would do all I could to help her be a parent to her child. If that meant a temporary guardianship so she could finish school/college then I would gladly do that. I would make sure that she knew that adoption is permanent.

If she was completely set on placing her child for adoption , I don't think I could try to make her or guilt her into raising her child though.  

Answer 24

There is no way that I would allow my grandchild to be given away to a family of strangers.

Never.

I know that pain.

I would never inflict it on one of my own.

Answer 25

I agree with Andraya ( hope I spelled that close to right) Never ever ever ever will my daughter have to lose her child in this way. Never ever ever again will our family lose another member to adoption. If she doesn't want to parent then I will. I would do everything in my power to safe my child and grandchild from a pain this profound. What good mother wouldn't?