If you had to drive to a wedding 10 hours away (near the beach) and it was adult only?

Question

and you have a baby (1 year old), and your husband isn't going to be there, and you don't feel comfortable leaving your baby with a total stranger, would you go?

The wedding AND reception is adult only..not just the wedding. I can understand that they don't want any kids interrupting the ceremony, but the reception TOO? Do you think I should go or stay home? It's my cousins wedding, and she went to my wedding (but she doesn't have kids).

Answer 1

If you don't mind the drive and you can find a relative or close friend to watch your baby, then you could go. But if you can not, don't feel obligated to go, especially if you are going to be uncomfortable. By having an adult only wedding and ceremony, they probably expect some people not to be able to attend. Just be sure to be polite about turning do the invite and explain why you can't go. You can still send a gift with another relative.

Good Luck!!

Answer 2

If you can't stand to leave your child alone, then don't go.

It is not your place to comment on her choice not to have children at her wedding.  I don't have kids, I don't like kids, and we aren't allowing kids despite the fact that our family/friends have a lot of them.

Yes, the reception TOO! She doesn't want your child there, so either go without the kid in tow or don't go at all.

Answer 3

If you can't find anyone to watch him, you could always just go to the beach instead.

Answer 4

Unless your husband, mother or MIL is taking care of the baby at home, then I'd decline the invitation.  I would really beg your husband, mother or MIL to take the baby however and go alone.  Cousins are pretty sensitive when other cousins don't attend their wedding. However, don't beat yourself up.  She is aware you have a young child and that increases the chances of an invitee not  attending.

Answer 5

I wouldn't go. If I wasn't comfortable leaving a baby with a stranger and there was no one else to watch the baby, I couldn't go to the wedding. Period. Send a card and, if you wish, a gift.

Answer 6

Why can't you leave the baby with dad?

Dad's not a stranger - is he?

Answer 7

It may be a nice getaway for you if you have someone to watch your baby while you are away.  If its all too stressful simply dont go, its a drive for you and for most people their kids are part of the package. Your cousin should understand that.  Do whatever feels right for you.  It wouldnt be rude to not go and just send your regards

Answer 8

Have you checked with other members of the family that are invited and that have children?  My thoughts are that maybe your mother or an aunt (or someone) may be kind enough to accompany you (or another invitee).  If other invitees have children (and are in the same dilemma), you may be able to co-ordinate a "creche".  You all pitch in to pay for that person's travel expenses (accommodation, food, etc.), and in return, they babysit "the brood" while everyone else attends the wedding/reception.  Just a thought.

Answer 9

Receptions are expensive and inviting everybody's kids can signifigantly increase the costs.  Plus,  receptions are usually where parents are less likely to control their little angels and they can do the most damage.

But that's besides the point.  Check with the bride first.  Don't be rude about it or put a guilt trip on her about how you can't attend unless she says yes.  In some cases if the baby can't walk yet or is still breast feeding they are an exception to the "no kids" rule.  If the answer is still No then talk with hubby's family or your extended family who aren't invited and see if they won't babysit for a day or two.  Otherwise, you've made your decision.  The baby is not invited and you can't/won't find somebody else to watch her so send the gift you would have gotten if the baby was invited and mail it with a nice card and your regrets.

Answer 10

First of all, if it's that far away and you can't fly in and out, I wouldn't go.  If you aren't comfortable leaving your baby overnight, then don't go.  Simply RSVP no and send a gift.

As for no kids...it's their choice not yours.  We had no kids at our wedding and I couldn't be happier with the decision.  In my opinion, a place where adults drink too much, dance and generally misbehave is no place for a baby.  Especially one as young as yours.

Answer 11

Maybe you should stay home.

Give them a wedding present, or take them to dinner and say sorry we couldn't make it!

Instead of going maybe you, your husband and baby could all go to the beach or on a nice little vacation of your own :)

Answer 12

Why are you trying to kill yourself to get to this wedding. It's clear that you can't go. They should understand.

Answer 13

If you really want to go to the wedding, can you arrange that the baby either stays home with your hubby, or another member of the family watches the baby? I think if you WANT to go, you could find someone to watch your child.

Answer 14

Your options are:

1. Go, but leave your baby with your husband.  (Or your mom perhaps or other family member.)

2. Not go.  (Consider not going if attending would place undo hardship on you, or if you find yourself quite bitter about not being able to bring your child.)

The bride's decision to not have children at her ceremony and reception is non-negotiable.  If you don't like her decision, you'll either have to find someone to babysit, or not go.

I understand you don't like her decision, and probably want some support here for not liking her decision, but IMO it's perfectly reasonable to exclude children from any aspect of one's wedding, including the reception.  She doesn't owe anyone an explanation for this.

Answer 15

You don't have to go. Just call or write a note letting them know that you can't.

It is not your fault - you are a parent so don't feel bad or pressured.

Answer 16

Send your regrets and a gift with a nice handwritten note. It doesn't matter that she's a relative, or that she went to your wedding. Your first priority is your child. If she chose to have an adults-only reception, she's surely prepared (and willing) to have some parents decline because of their children.

To those saying "Leave the kid behind!" - the wedding is ten hours away. That's twenty hours away from home just in driving! You would have to be gone at least overnight, and what mom wants to leave a one-year-old for that long if there isn't a suitable, trusted family member to watch him or her?

Answer 17

First of all,  I would fly.

Why aren't you comfortable leaving your child?  You don't have to stay for the entire reception.

I've been to "adult" only weddings out of the country and left my kids with another couples (from the country we were in) nanny.

It worked out fine and our kids have international friends.  I think a one year old is very adaptable and would be fine staying with someone during the reception.  See who they could recommend and do a phone interview with the person.

I certainly would not drive the ten hours...check out some flights.