If you have a baby at 16 can your mind stay at that age?

Question

My mother had me at 16 years old and she is now a convicted felon. My grandmother tells me all the time that she was once told by a therapist that my mother having me at a young age could have impaired her to grow mentally. I was wondering if anyone else had heard this or know if it is true or not. I am now 24 and dont talk to mother and will not let her see my children because I dont believe she has changed at all. My grandmother lays it on me pretty hard all the time about how she guesses she will be dead before I ever talk to my mother again, so I am not sure if I am just being told this to have pity on my mother and talk to her or not.

Answer 1

Your grandmother may be right, but I don't know if thats a good reason not to let her see your children. If you think your mom will be a bad influence on your children, then I understand why you don't want to let her see them. But if the only issue is that she is mentally impaired, then I think you should give her a chance. I'm not saying you have to completely let her back into your life, but I'm sure she wants to talk to you and see your children. Talk to her and see what you think. I'm sure it will make your grandmother happy, too. Good luck.

Answer 2

Perhaps its not being mentally impared so much as its just the type of person she is, I know people who have children young and it snaps them out of crazy behaviour but i know more people who never learn from it, make their own parents take on most of the responsibility and cant cpe, usually resulting in silly behaviour, but i definately dont think she is mentally impaired. If the reason you are staying away from your mum i because she is trouble, and you dont want her to influence your children then i dont see that as a problem you are looking out for your children. I dont know if i will get slaughtered for saying this but young mothers are usually so because they are immature, and naive. I think its a part of who they are and as they grow they never really change, and its not just the ones that get pregnant, there are many people like this in the world, who never seem to grow up. any way im rambling, maybe if you speak to your mum and see what shes up to, how she feels about being a grandmother etc, you can suss out how mature she can be abou the responsibility involved with seeing her grand children.  

Answer 3

        My friend's mom had her 1st kid when she  was 17. When I went over to my friend's, her mom seemed to only care about herself. (I will explain) Her mom's room was completely covered in nice clothes, and beautiful furniture. Every other room in the house had horrible furniture, and all of her 7 kids had ugly and barely any clothes. It's probably cause her mom had her 1st child at age 17, or she is very selfish.

          I think that your mind can stay at the same age when you have a baby when your 16 or 17, but it depends if you took care of the baby all the time or not    

Answer 4

What your grandmother is saying is ridiculous and it sounds like she's trying to blame you being born for your mother's behaviour, which is ludicrous.

There are a lot of young mums who turn out to be very mature and you being born cannot be attributed to your mother's inability to change.

I think its wrong of your grandmother to put this all on you and it sounds like she went to the therapist so she could feel better as a mother about having a pregnant 16 year old daughter.

Your mother has chosen her path in life and its your choice whether you choose to see her or let your children see her not your mother's nor your grandmother's.

Perhaps you should turn it around on your grandmother and tell her that if she doesn't give it a rest then you or your children won't be seeing her either.

Good luck - it sounds to me that you've turned out just fine despite what you've been through with your mother and grandmother.

Don't be afraid to seek counselling or professional advice if you don't get any answers from here.

Answer 5

It is your responsibility to protect your children from whatever and whomever you feel may be harmful to them.

If you feel that your mother is not a good influence on your children, you have the right to prevent her from having contact with them.

I'm sure your grandmother loves her daughter, as well as, you and your children.

However, she should respect your decisions, concerning this matter.

When your children are old enough to to be told of the situation, I'm certain they will understand your position.

Be the best mother possible and don't let others make you feel guilty about it.

Answer 6

I have never heard of that. I think that's absolutely ridiculous. If you want to talk to your mom and give her another chance, by all means, do it. If you don't, that's okay. But don't let that fallacy impact your decision.

Answer 7

i guess its possible... most people that have a baby that young grow up really fast... maybe your mother just didnt or couldnt...

if her lifestyle isnt one that you dont want around your children then you have every right to deny access. and if you feel that you talking to her will cause problems in your household with her then that is your choise aswell!

but she is your mom... and even if she has made some crappy choices... shes still your mom. she did make some good choices, not to abort you and to see that you get raised well.

Good Luck

Answer 8

That's bull c**p (about your mother not growing mentally b/c she had a baby at 16). But studies show that people who have poor decision making skills as teens rarely grow up to make good decisions. If your mom's mind never grew past the age of 16, she either used drugs or had something medically wrong with her. It has NOTHING to do with having you! Don't let your mother be a bad influence on your children. But I think suprvised visits would be ok. It's good for kids to know their grandparents & by ignoring your mother, you may teach your kids that it's ok not to forgive others.