If you have step children and your spouse has custody and they live with you do you treat them as your own?

Question

I have two daughters and he has one. Do I do for her as I do for my daughters or do I let her father take care of everything for her. Such as giving lunch money for school, filling out paper work for school. Not sure how many woman out there have remarried men with children and taken over the responsibility of raising the child.

Answer 1

I would talk that over with my husband if I were you.  I would think that he would naturally want you to take and interest and making sure she has what she needs for school or whatever, but I would ask.  And it wouldn't be a bad thing to let him in on how you want him to handle your children as well.  I have never been in that situation, but I have been taking care of kids all my life.  I always tell people not to bring there kids to me if they don't want me to treat them like they are mine.  If you do wrong at my house you get punished just like I would punish my kids.  If I wanna take them for ice cream because they have been good, when they are in my care I do so.  But, I do let the parents know how I am before hand.  

Answer 2

No take care of her as your own daughter. And she will love you as her mother. She is but a child. Love her as your own. She has nothing to do with her mom. If you show her how much she is being appreciated and belong actually you will grow as one big happy family. Anyway, he accept you as you...it is time to accept him as he is....fair enough...

Answer 3

If you don't treat them the same then they will grow to resent you and end up like my bother....a dope head that can't hold down a job at the age of 36.

Answer 4

Does he treat your daughters as his own? If so then you should treat his daughter as yours. My partner treats mine as his own. If they need or want something and i just can't afford it he doesn't even think twice about getting it for them. He loves them as his own.

Answer 5

I have custody of my kids.  My husband treats them like his own, but of course I am in charge of all paperwork, etc because of legal issues. You really need to talk to your husband about his expectations.  How does he treat your daughters?

Answer 6

I have a stepdaughter, shes almost 11. There is really no "step" to it. I call her my daughter and she calls me her dad. I consider her just as much my daughter as our younger one who is my biological daughter.

As far as taking care of paperwork for school  or whatever-now i dont know about that. If its some important papers that need a guardian you might want to leave that to the dad to make it legal. Other than that though you should treat the kids the same.  

Answer 7

Filling out paper work is up to the legal guardians. If you don't have guardianship over her, then it's up to her father and whoever the mother is. But if you do, then that's your responsibility too. And as for treating her like your own, that's honestly up to you. Do you want her to think of you as the mother that cared for her, or do you want her to think of you as the step mother that lived with her.

Answer 8

Try not to differentiate between "yours", "mine", and "ours".

All the kids need to be taken care of.  If it's not a financial hardship, please treat them all as equally as you can.

Children are not responsible for the circumstances of their birth.  No child should be made to suffer or feel second-rate because he/she was born into a more or less affluent family.

Kids are kids, please treat them as such.  If your biological kids get $2 per day for lunch, your stepchild should get the same ... does it really matter who (mom or dad) provides it?

Would you really shortchange your step-child on a nutritious lunch based on who his/her parents were?

Please get over yourself ... think about what is best for the child.

You might need to grow a bigger heart on this issue?  No child deserves to suffer because of his/her parents' mistakes.