If you knew that a natural parent was contesting your adoption of your child, what would you do?

Question

If you knew that a natural parent was contesting your adoption of your child, what would you do?

Answer 1

I guess it depends on why. If they had a change of heart and decided to keep their baby, I would consider it- you don't want to live your whole life battling this family, and having to deal with your conscience. Many young mothers who put their babies up for adoption do so because it is what everyone else tells them is right, or they think that is what is expected. If you have already paid medical bills, etc. I would take the mother to court for those expenses. It's not fair for you to pay her bills and get nothing.  If it is an older child who has been away from his/her parents for a while I would fight for the right to give that child a stable home. I think you need to think about the child and try to leave your emotions out of it (as much as you possibly can). What is best for him/her?

Answer 2

For me there would be only one choice, as devastating as it would be we give the child back.

That is one of the reason's we are adopting an orphan.

The only exception to this would be if the child's parents were documented abusers, then we would fight for the child's right to grow up in an abuse free environment.

Answer 3

It is really dependent on the situation.  I do feel that if a 1st parent chooses to parent, then they should be allowed to.  However, in a case such as ours where the child was removed from the home due to neglect and the 1st parents refused to do what the state required, I would be concerned with allowing the child to return to the 1st parents if they chose later to contest the adoption.  But that was "our" situation and not indicative to all adoptions.  But since you asked what we would do if we found the natural parents were contesting the adoption of our child, I guess my answer would be (from our situation) fight tooth & nail to keep our son safe...whether it means with us or somewhere else (if the 1st parents made our home unsafe by knowing where we were).  But again, that is based on the adoption of our son only.

Answer 4

I'd whip out the papers with which they signed away all parental rights then head over to Babies R Us.

Answer 5

Fight tooth and nail to proove that you would be the BEST parent for this child!

Best of luck :)

Answer 6

I really think it depends on how long it has been.   Birthparents rights don't go, and shouldn't go, so far that they can just come in and out of a child's life and parent only when they decide to.  No matter how strong the bio connection is, there is a point where that is bad and traumatic for the child.  My 25 month old daughter has been with us for 16 months.  She hasn't spent more than a few hours with her birthparents since she was born.  I really don't believe that her life would be better being taken away from us now.  We are totally Mommy and Daddy to her and it would completely traumatize her, and she has been through enough transitions, losses, and traumas in her life.  Now, I would never keep her birthparents out of her life.  I would love for her to have real contact with them.  But, at this point I would absolutely fight to keep my daughter.  Now, I know people, even before the adoption is final who would fight to keep their adopted child, who don't ever consider the child as belonging to the birthparents.  That is wrong.  The child, in some sense, always "belongs" to the birthparents, but at some point, they loose the right to parent them.  I don't know exactly when the cut-off to change their mind and parent should be - longer than it is, though.

Answer 7

Well, considering that it takes approximately 6 months for the average adoption to finalize, the baby isn't the adoptive parents' legal parents for that entire time.  Besides, the baby is the natural parents' child, even if they signed a relinquishment document.  That doesn't change reality.

I couldn't take away someone else's child.  I could adopt a child that had no family, but in this case the child still has family that wants to raise him/her.  Ethically speaking, I believe this to be the utmost issue in such a situation.  

It would hurt, yes, but the child has a family already.  I was going to be the child's family only because it seemed that the child would have no family otherwise.  But, in this situation, that would no longer be the case.

eta: I forgot to mention the obvious.  My answer is based on the parents not being abusive, or otherwise truly unable to provide for the child's needs (drugs, etc.)

Answer 8

I wouldnt be happy at all. The thing is, is that birth mothers get no real support before they make the adoption decision. Its sad but true.

I do think though, that if a birth mother has made the decision, and has stuck with it, then she must face the consequences of the child not being hers anymore! You cant chop and change your mind. It would not benefit the birth mother, child or the APs (and they do matter too).

its just not fair nor right for anyone involved.

Answer 9

Ethically speaking they should give the child back!!! If a parent wants to parent, the parent SHOULD PARENT, and that is the best option for the CHILD.

assuming of course that the parents aren't abusers etc. etc.

Answer 10

If the parent is within a legal timeframe there is nothing to do but oblige.  If the parent is contesting it after I was the legal parent of the child I would have to say that a change of heart is not in best interest of child but mabye be open to having natural parent in our life as well if we deemed it to be best intersest of our child..

Answer 11

First reaction would be catatonic.  Second would be hysteria.  Third would be to start packing for Canada.  It happens all the time.  It happened to me.  I did all of the above.  Then I took a deep breath and thought about who and what I was dealing with.  This wasn't a young woman who decided to give up an infant because she felt the baby would be better off, this was a couple that had visited their children three times in 18 months and one of those times only the father showed up.  This was a couple that required the court to place a protection order for the children to be kept away from them and who had forceably removed the parental rights.  This was a couple that didn't show up to tell their children goodbye at the final court ordered visit just for that was approved at their request for that specific reason.  So,  I stopped worrying and sure enough a week later the social worker called back and said they never even showed up in court so the judge was going to go through with the finalization process.

On the other hand, if it had been a young mother who changed her mind, as much as it would break my heart, I would return the child gladly and ask if there was anything I could do to help help them.  People should be allowed ample time to change their minds about something so life altering.  Heck you get three days when you buy a car and some states give you 10 days when you buy a house.  I guess you should get a minimum of 6 months when you place a baby.  Thanks for the question.

Answer 12

How can one honestly answer this ? without having been in this position...Wow!

As I answer this ? we are waiting for our phone to ring to let us know if the little angel that we want will get to be ours. Both parents have given up their rights to all of their children but the grandmother is the hold-up! We will not interefere in a family situation if all parties are not willing to give up the child(ren).  We have been waiting for 3 weeks for gm's reply, yesterday was her deadline.  We are now waiting to hear from the judge. We are sitting on pins and needles-mixed emotions.

You want what is best for the children and their biological parents are always the best providers.

There is NO contest from the parents in this case.

Answer 13

It depends.

In our case, the birth mother was a drug adict with a history of neglect and possible abuse of her children (the CPS case file was 10 inches tall).  If she tried to contest the adoption we would fight.  And, frankly, we would win.  For example, there would be members of her family willing to take the stand to support our case.

If our case was different, I might do differently.

Answer 14

My son's maternal grandmother tried to lay claim to my son before his formal adoption. She just got out of prison, my son's first father was her drug dealer, and she had her own son who was still in foster care that she was not capable of raising. All her kids grew up in foster care. She went so far as to call a lawyer and try to get my son's first mother to tell him she was coerced.

In the end everything worked out because my son's first mom did not allow her to manipulate the situation. However, it could have gone either way. She still has some mind control over my son's first mom.

My son's first mom lives with her off and on. My son's first mom also still has a relationship with my son's father who is a drug dealer and has multiple court cases against him for child support. When she tried to get him to sign the termination papers he threw them in the trash because he thought they were for child support.

If for some reason my son's first mom would have tried to bring a court case against us to get him back, I would have fought it. Every situation is different though. I can only say what I would have done in our situation.