If you know someone is cheating, do you tell their significant other?

Question

Lets say that my boyfriend had a very good friend, lets name him Jake. Jake has a wife named Sara. I only hung out with them a few times and don't really consider Jake and Sara "friends" because I don't feel like I know them very well. However I do want to get to know them better because I enjoy there company very much and Jake and my boyfriend are very close friends. One night, Me, my boyfriend and Sara (the wife) go out to a bar. Sara disappears for about 20 minutes and I go into the bathroom to check up on her, low and beholed Sara is making out in a stall with some guy in the bathroom - not only that, i can see her pants are dropped and there is humping and moaning occurring. I know it's her because I see her purse on the floor in the stall.

Since I am not that close to Sara or Jake, is it my place to tell Jake that I saw this? My boyfriend didn't see any of this and after I told him he doesn't feel like it is his right to tell Jake since he didn't actually see it happen. Since I did, I'm the witness and should be the one to say something.

So I sent her an email saying that I would say something if she doesn't tell her husband and she rudely responded that she already told him and that it was none of my business.

Do the rules change because they are married? Do I get involved? Do I still mention something to her husband? Do I believe her (even though I probably shouldn't...)?

p.s. My boyfriend knows they do not have an open relationship so this is a very unfortunate event.

Answer 1

well she is probably lying and it is probably not the first time she has cheated on him if she can do it in a bathroom stall with a stranger. your boyfriend should tell him because that is his friend and friends are supposed to be loyal to each other. now out of consideration for jake you should tell him because if it was happening to you you would want someone to tell you. the rules do change when marriage occurs and that rule is to be faithful to each other. if you tell him you will be caught in the middle if he decides to confront her and says you told her, but who is she to you anyway? besides i believe deceit is very evil as it misleads a person, making them go down a different path. never know the truth makes a person unaware of the right path in there life to take. how would you feel if someone knew this about your significant other and never told you? besides that girl sounds like a tramp, only a certain type of woman would be doing it in a public place in a bathroom stall with someone she just met. believe me it's not the first time she's cheated on him. tell him and who cares if she gets angry, she needs to learn a thing or two about loyalty, faithfulness, and consideration. all of those things help a relationship be successful. also if she's doing that, what makes you think she won't try to hit on your boyfriend some day?

Answer 2

OMG  you don't even know them well enough SO stay out of their business. You'r not even a friend  MYOB!!!!!

Answer 3

A marriage is usually not an open relationship anyway.  But you don't get away with anything in life, so I wouldn't tell your husbands friend... Especially since your husband knows, Sara's just due will catch up to her, I just wouldn't hang with them until she's found out.

Answer 4

Wow, big time. Well first of all I wouldn't hang out with a person like her. Maybe you and your boyfriend can find some other couple friends. If you do find yourself in the same space as this girl, I wouldn't mention it. Leave it to your boyfriend to tell his friend.  If she was this free and easy in the restroom you can bet this isn't her first time. Hopefully they steer clear of parenthood. I would have to say their married life doesn't sound too promising.

Answer 5

Regardless of what you saw or heard, there is absolutely no reason to say anything to anyone (including your boyfriend, but you did - so too late for that).

Nevertheless, if you wish to be mature about this situation, do not say anything. Keep it to yourself. It is not going to change this woman's  behavior, it's certainly not going to make you a hero to let her husband know (let him find out for himself and deal with it - it's HIS wife), you don't know her well, so threatening to tell her husband if she doesn't will only create animosity and possibly make the situation worse.

I recommend that you forget about this ordeal and find different friends. This couple has a lot on their plate and wouldn't be a healthy friendship to enter into.