If you lie to protect your kids, is that manipulation?

Question

If you lie on someone to protect your children, should the person you lied on feel manipulated? To make a long story short, I am a single father and I have custody of my two kids. I was deployed a few months ago and my ex tried to sue for custody during this time. I lied and told her that a friend of mine was the kids trustee. My friend found out about this and she said she felt manipulated and has not tlaked to me in over a month, despite my apologizing and letting her know I did this to protect my kids.

I have sent flowers and a letter of apology. I have sent emails and no response from her. I leave in a week and a half, to move back overseas, and I do not want to leave things the way they are. I do not want her back, I just want to make amends and I do not know how to get her to forgive me anymore. Should I keep trying or just leave it the way it is?

Answer 1

If your friend is upset because she felt you expected her to take custody of your kids while you were deployed, then you did manipulate her.

Answer 2

What you did was pure mean. You use that person for your own gain and then expect them to talk to you. I don't blame her for not talking to you.

Sending flowers etc. What that tell you? pure guilt and you should feel it.

P.S let hope she doesn't tell your ex what you did to get back at you!

Answer 3

You've apologized the amends have been offered.  It is up to her to accept it, or not to accept it.  There's nothing more for you to do but move on and don't do it again.  Best wishes.

Answer 4

I think manipulated is the wrong word, but I don't blame her for feeling used and put in the middle of what could be a serious legal matter. I think you should just leave her alone and maybe give her a call when you get back home. Maybe she'll have had time to cool off a little.

Answer 5

You can't 'MAKE" her forgive you.  You have made that bed and will have to sleep in it.  In the same situation, I would have felt wronged by what you did and probably would have used stronger words.  

Answer 6

Your tried. Let it go.

Answer 7

lying is lying is lying.

understand right and wrong are just words.

if your lying prevented your children from being in the custody of your ex wife. maybe not fair to the friend. but just.

I am a any means necessary kind of guy.

sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two evils.

explain why you did what you did, and that you are NOT sorry because it was to protect your children.

even if i was in her situation i would understand that.

good luck