If you place a newborn for adoption, and then regret your decision...?

Question

Even if you signed away your parental rights, are you ever legally allowed to get your child back? I am considering adoption, at 30 weeks pregnant. Very unsettled, and I was just wondering if anyone knew the answer to my question. Thank you

Answer 1

Most states have a "window" of time until your termination of parental rights are irrevocable with newborn adoptions.  Some states it may be 24 hours, some are 72 hours.  However, once the window has expired, it is just that - irrevocable.  

Open adoption may be something you would want to consider.  Open adoption is a way that you can stay in contact with the biological family over the years.  Some adoptive parents will allow you to be a part of the child's life, others will prefer to send pictures/letters, etc.  You and the adoptive parents can come to an agreement.  I would suggest contacting a local adoption agency that specializes in open adoptions to gather all the facts before you make a decision.  They also can offer you the proper counseling if you decide to make an adoption plan for your child.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Listen its sounds like if your questioning the fact u might want your child back down the road you shouldnt even give your kid away you will regret it what if they child doesnt want to leave thier new parents for you or they wont give your child back adoption isnt a temporary baby sitting service you need to think more about this

Answer 3

Legally, it depends on the state, some states have a small window of time that you can change your mind.  If you are not certain though, you should not do it.  Changing your mind affects more people than just yourself.  Families waiting to adopt often wait many years.  When they adopt your child, it becomes their child.  To then turn around and change your mind is heartbreaking to them.  Even worse though, if you put your child up and then change your mind, you will be tearing him/her out of the only home he/she has ever known and away from the only parents that he/she has ever known.  That is a terribly cruel thing to do to anyone, especially a baby or young child who can not understand what is happening.

Adoption is a wonderful option, consider contacting an adoption agency, they will provide free counseling to help you decide, and if you decide to do an adoption, you can even choose the parents if you like.

Answer 4

I agree with the poster who said to consult an adoption lawyer...one who specializes with open adoptions, should you choose that route.  He or she could provide you with a wealth of information and answer all of your questions.

Adoption is the hardest, and most courageous, decision you will ever make.  If you are choosing this option, be 100% sure...not 98%...or even 50%....it sounds like you are having doubts....yet, I know you want what's best for the baby...I understand that.

My best friend since childhood is adopted and I thank God everytime I think about how she was given the chance she was and that we were able to meet in 4th grade...and be so close through our young and adult lives.  If she ever wanted to find her parents, I'd want the chance to personally thank them for making the bravest decision they could make....they were both fifteen years old.  This is one positive outcome to adoption...

I did have a friend in high school become pregnant and went through with an open adoption.  She (my friend) would cling onto the few pictures the parents sent her of her son and eventually, they stopped sending anything.  I saw her years after graduation at a gas station and she still hadn't received much through the years and fought with the parents for communication.  Things were awkward and I could tell it put a strain on my friend emotionally.  Legally, I'm not sure what could have been done....but should you choose open adoption, make sure there's something stated about communication...constant communication (pictures, visits, etc.).  This is YOUR baby...you make the rules with your lawyer.  

Since I feel like I know you and have answered a lot of your questions, I wanted to share those stories with you....I really hope you find the decision you're looking for.  You are very genuine and honest and I only hope for the best for you and the baby.  Take care.

Answer 5

IF YOU ARE GOING TO PUT YOUR BABY UP FOR ADOPTION THEN LET THEM BABY GO! ITS VERY UNFAIR FOR A CHILD TO BE SHIFTED FROM HOME TO HOME BECAUSE THE MOTHER COULDNT MAKE UP HER MIND!!

Answer 6

Listen up. This is going to be the hardest decision of your life.  You have 40 weeks to decide what you want to do.  That's about 10 months, you cant just give your baby away then want it back, it doesn't work out that way.  Babies are so innocent very precious and you should want the best for your baby. If you feel you could give it a better life, do your baby a favor and give it to a happy family that can afford,raise,and Cherish it.  If your not financially,emotional stable you can always get help.  Once you see your baby its going to be hard to give it away. But you do need to find a family that is willing to adopt, and you just cant brake up there hope.  

If you have to think about giving up your own flesh and blood then you don't deserve it.  I was adopted neglected, and glad i was because i was raised by a good family. I just had my own baby 2 weeks ago, and i don't know how in gods name anyone could give there baby away. My baby is the most precious,sweet thing in the world.

Answer 7

No honey no. dont give away that child. He's your responsibilty. it was your fault for becoming  preganent. that child is going to grow up healthy and beautiful and if you give him your going to regret it horrably years from now. so dont do it

Answer 8

I think some laws allow this within a certain time period. it might vary from state to state. Please think of how the adopted parents would feel if you were able to change your mind. Is it right to let them fall in love with the baby they think is theirs and then have her ripped out of their arms? I think this  would be like having your baby die. to me thats just wrong. Before making a final decision seek counseling and be prepared to stick with your decision permenantly. giving up a baby for adoption is giving another couple a gift of parenthood. I know this won't be easy for you but I have friends who were adopted. they have wonderful loving homes.

Answer 9

Adoption is a complete, permanent transference of parental rights to the adoptive parents. Some states allow a revocation period, a few days to a few weeks, and some have none at all. You an contest a finalized adoption on grounds of fraud or coercion, but you would need evidence of such and it's difficult to prove, and after time has passed most judges will not think it in the child's best interests to be removed from the adoptive family. You would have to pay for your own attorney.

If you are unsure, do not relinquish. Call your state's department of human services, get a caseworker, and discuss temporary voluntarily foster care instead of adoption.

Answer 10

after you sign your rights away, no.  But you can have an open adoption where you might see the child from time to time or get pictures and updates on the child

Answer 11

Don't listen to the people who are saying "don't give up your child".  I am a adoption worker, and adoption can be a wonderful thing!  We do open adoptions and the birthparents can still be part of the child's life.  Adoption is a wonderful option!  Laws are different in each state, but after you sign the papers terminating your rights you can't go back.  Make sure you have some counseling to help you make your decision. Good Luck!

Answer 12

Seriously look at everything and go for open adoption which allows you to know your child and know he/she is safe if you do go for the adoption.  You do have a little time to change your mind but it is so rough on the babies being tossed around so it is always better on the child and the adoptive parents if you are 100% sure it is what you want to do.  I would say though if you are having doubts you should do open adoption if you do it.  Don't make a decision until you hold your baby in your arms.  That is when you will know and if you do decide to keep your baby and later decide it is best to give him/her up you can be more sure.

Answer 13

If you decide to put your newborn for adoption, it is best if you consult an attorney who specializes in this area. Your attorney can tell you everything you needed to know about the legal boundaries regarding this matter. Moreover, he/she can discuss with you regarding adoption laws in your state [e.g. if you change your mind, retrieval of your newborn after papers have been signed].

Answer 14

my husbands x girlfriend gave their son up for adoption because at the time they were both so young. he has never been allowed to see his son or get him back im afraid. once the papers were signed that was it. im not sure if the laws have changed now though it was 12 years ago and i know every day hubbys heart breaks thinking about his son

Answer 15

In florida, you have up to the first 6 months to try to get baby back. It's very hard though.

Answer 16

You need to talk to a family attorney to answer all your questions and ease your mind.

I believe you have like two weeks to change your mind, something like that. Thats very heartbreaking for the adoptive family, so please don't do it, if you think you might change your mind....however, I know that open adoptions are very beneficial for the biological mother.....they'll send you pictures, let you know how the baby's doing, etc.

Call an attorney, there is no obligation just for talking.

Answer 17

It depends on where you live. In some states, a mother signs over her rights within days of the baby's birth, and it's permanent from that moment on. In other states, a mother has to wait months to actually sign her rights over. And still in other states, once the rights are signed over, a mother has 6 months to change her mind. I suggest talking to an adoption agency in your area and asking any questions you might have. They are there to help, and can't push you into something. But they will have the answers you are looking for. Also, maybe look into an adoption lawyer, if you're sure you want to go through with an adoption. At 30 weeks, you have a couple more months to think about it. I would think very carefully... it would be awful for some poor family to get a baby and then have it taken away, and would be awful for a baby to grow to love a new family, then be taken away. This much be an awfully hard decision for you to make... I bet if you call Planned Parenthood or Birthright, they might have some information about adoption counseling, something to help you make your decision, or a support group for mothers going through the same thing. Good luck!

Answer 18

It depends on the state you live in and it's laws.  Some states have no grace periods, others 48 hours, and some even have 6 months.  

My advice to you is to wait until you have given birth and held your child before you make a firm decision.  This way you don't have the added pressure of an agency and family waiting for your child.  By all means interview agencies but don't commit to anything.  It will be easier to decide to raise your child if you don't have a social worker standing over you and the expectations of Potential Adoptive Parents weighing on you.

Open Adoptions are not legally binding.  At any time the adoptive parents can choose to stop contact.

If you have any doubts at all, you should wait until after you have the child to make any decisions.  There are plenty of social services that you can sign up for that can help you if need be, including WIC, foodstamps, and state health care.

Answer 19

I doubt you can change your mind later..and even if you could, think about what that would do to the baby!  Tearing them away from the only mom and dad they knew?  you need to be sure before you make any decisions.

Answer 20

Unfortantely if you sign your rights away, you can never get them back.  So if you are considering adoption look into open adoptions.  These are families that want you to be apart of the childs life.  They will share pictures with you and keep in constant contact with you.  If you are unsure what to do, or weither you can do it, then I would suggest not giving the baby up for adoption just yet.  I was a single mother for a long time.  I was 19 when I had my first child and I can honestly say that I was not ready to be a mother.  But if it hadnt been for my son then i never would be the person I am now.  he has taught me what unconditional love is and he has taught me patience.  But I will tell you this, if you know deep down 100% that you are going to be unable to raise this child then giving it up for adoption is the greates sacrifice of love.  you are turning your back on your child, you are just offering them the chance to have the life that you are unable to give them.  I myself am adopted and I do not hate my mother for it.  I know she did it because she was unable to take care of me the way she needed to.  Open adoptions are the best.  Look into them.  Then, even if you dont have legal custody of your child, you will still be able to see them grow and they will still know you.  Despite weither you keep the child or not you will ALWAYS be that childs mother.  You carried it for nine months and gave that child life.  That is love right there.

Answer 21

If you are questioning it now, then I know you will be sorry if you do choose adoption.  It is not fair to you, your fiancee, your baby, the adoptive parents.

If you are afraid of the responsibility, maybe your parents could help you out.

Good luck to all of you.

Answer 22

Make up your mind what you want to do.  I am AGAINST open adoptions.  This is a life you're playing with.

Not to be cruel but if you didn't want a baby why did you continue your pregnancy?  Now for the rest of this baby's life if they are adopted they are going to have to suffer from that.  Trust me I'm adopted I know.  I was adopted into an interracial family.  The one racial half my mother's treat me like c**p because I'm not white.  They invite my sibling who is my mother's biological sibling to family events but don't even tell me about them.  It's sheer h**l.  I wouldn't choose this life if I had a choice.  If my mother couldn't be a loving stable mother than I'd rather she'd have had an abortion.  You're not going to get a medal for giving your baby away & changing your mind six months down the road.

There are all kinds of messed up families.  I think most children would rather be with their birth mother than to be with a picture perfect rich adoptive family with no souls or idea how to love & raise a child.

Answer 23

I have never done this, but I think adoption is great. I have heard you have 6 months to legally get your baby back after he/she is adopted out. God bless you.

Answer 24

I think there is a grace period. You have either 30 or 90 days to change your mind after you have completed the paperwork. But, after that time, you really can't just go get the child. You can have an open adoption where you get pictures and sometimes even visits. You set it up the way you are comfortable with it. But, if your child was 8 months old, and you had a change of heart, you couldn't get her back. That would be horrible on her and the adopted family. Plus, it isn't legal. Be completely sure about your decision before you sign anything. You don't want to get some poor families hopes up.

Answer 25

Generally, you have a specified amount of time after you place the baby for adoption in which you can change your mind.  

Courtney, if you aren't sure about it you shouldn't even think about it.  People who place their babies for adoption should be absolutely certain they do not want to take care of their baby.

Of course, if someone knows for sure she cannot possibly be loving to the baby then that's another way of being sure.  Some people know they will be abusive to the baby, and putting the baby up for adoption may be a good idea in those cases.

If you're not sure you should just make up your mind that you're going to do what it takes to be an excellent mother to your baby, accept financial help if you need that and accept parenting help if you need that.  Many, many, biological mothers regret having placed their babies for adoption.

Think about this too:  If you place the baby for adoption in a potential adoptive home for, say, three months; and then you decide you want to get your baby back it can be hard for everyone involved.  Adoption isn't foster care.  If you're not sure but really can't take care of your baby maybe you should ask about foster care (and if you're under 18 ask about a foster home for you and your baby ).  You could then do what you need to do to be able to keep your baby without ever signing any permanent rights away.

You would have to be careful, though, because if you don't do what you have to do and don't keep seeing the baby it could be considered abandonment.

Something else you need to ask if what the rules are for each adoption agency if you go through a private one.  Be particularly careful about private agencies.  Not all of them can be completely trusted.

Right now you're under the influence of pregnancy hormones, and after the baby is born you'll be under the influence of hormonal changes as well.   If you're feeling overwhelmed those hormones aren't helping any.  Find a professional counselor you can talk to.

P.S:  I adopted one of my children from infancy, gave birth to two others, and lost one through miscarriage.  I can tell you that adoptive mothers can love children every bit as much as biological mothers do, but I can tell you, too, that there is no way I would have/could have ever, ever, parted with any of my three kids.  Look up some sites for biological mothers who put their children up for adoption, and see how so many of them regret it or at least feel as if their is a hole in their life.

Best wishes.  I don't know if I've said anything helpful, but I know what a difficult situation you must be in and thought I'd try.

Answer 26

You cannot get your child back once you give up rights no matter what. How would that be fair to the new family to take away the child that they have been waiting so long for? Most people who are looking to adopt are on a waiting list for years and they are just waiting to be lucky enough to be next in line.

You are considering adoption for a reason and it is probably the best one if you are considering it. You have to think what is the best for the child.  I know you will always love the child and what greater love then to give the child to a loving family if you know you are not going to be able to provide for as much as they might  be able to.

You can always choose the open adoption since it is after 1990. Which will allow you to visit the child as much as the new family would like you. Some families let the birth mother be a sort of aunt. Eventually when they grow up they will understand that you are their birth mother but knows that you gave them up because you could not care for them in the way that their new Mother can. You are allowed to talk about this with potential new parents and ask them how much involvement they want to you have in the childs life.

You have to remember that they are the new parents and the child is allowed to call them Mom and Dad because it takes a Mother to raise a child though you are the Birth Mother not a "Mother" to the child.  The child will learn how to love them as their new Mother and if you are in contact they will learn that they were born from you and given to the new family because you loved them so much but couldnt care for them in the way that their new family does. I hope this helps...really consider what is best for the child.

If you have any other ?'s about being an adopted child feel free to email me at [e-mail]

Answer 27

Best bet do not choose open adoption. Once you sign over your rights the person can still take off or tell you never to come around again. The child is never yours again once it is placed in the adoptive parents custody. If you want to keep the child or think you might then just do it and then if it becomes too much for you give the child up. It is not a good idea to take a adoptive child out of a loving family's home and no judge would allow you to do so. Once you sign away your rights you are no longer that child's parent and have NO rights to that child. It wouldnt be right to say here love my child and treat it as though it was yours and in a couple months when its finally sleeping through the night and easier to handle I will take it back. That scars a child to take it in and out of a home and away from people that love them and they have grown a bond with. If you want to be a parent BE ONE dont give someone a special gift to their home only to take it back. You may get what you want but everyone else including the baby gets hurt.

Answer 28

Perhaps you could get your child back but this is not fair to the parents or the child. If you are giving your child up for adoption you should not try to get them back. It would be selfish. You cant give them away now because its not right for you and take them back later because it is. If you think you still want an active role in their life then consider and open adoption. This way they will grop up knowing you and you can still see them and be in their lives. Why are you considering adoption? Is it due to money? Unstability? I understand because it can be hard if you dont have the money you need, but I would suggest asking they agency to talk to other mothers who have done it. I can give you the number to a mom who has done it if you like.

Answer 29

You could have an open adoption. That means that you can find someone who wants to adopt your child but is willing to allow you to still be a part of that child's life. I don't think you can have your full rights back though if you sign them over.