If you put your child up for adoption, did you still tell...?

Question

I'm just curious, I was thinking about this and wanted to know if any of you women had done this, or what your guys' thoughts are on this one.

If you put your child up for adoption and opted for an open-adoption and still are a part of your little one's life, did you still tell family and friends that you had the baby, or that you were pregnant at all, or that you have a child you put up for adoption? What were some of their reactions? Do you think it's best to still tell everyone or keep it more on a need-to-know basis? Just curious.

Answer 1

my ex had me served with a lawsuit to terminate 6 days before our daughter was born from 2600 miles away in another state. she told her mom who is against it. I am almost 2 yrs into stopping this adoption. she has no shame and does tell people about giving her up. she also opted for an open adoption and recieves pictures and what not.

Answer 2

The close everyday family in my life, yes we told them.  We didn't tell my husband/then boyfriend's family though and when we finally did it really put a hardship on that existing relationship.

Not telling anyone sucks a lot.  It's a huge secret and the pregnancy, birth and relinquishment is a huge impact on self worth, self esteem, and it then skews all existing relationships as the grief process takes over afterward.  To not tell those who are supposed to love and care for you during the hard times, well it's just really tough.

That being said, being an open book with one's hurt is also just as tough.

Answer 3

everyone is different and has different needs and desires, if you are planning an open adoption and are going to be known as a aunt to your child, your family may get suspicious and figure it out, and they probably will when your tummy gets larger and you have to go to the hospital to deliver the baby, i would tell your family and use their support to help you through it.

Answer 4

My friend had twins and choise an open adoption, she see's them all the time actually and calls them her sons, and feel they still are hers in a way, but accepts that other people are taking good care of them and knows that they get the best, she feels she made the right decision and will always be in there life, she's not really afraid to tell anyone she had an open adoption and tells everyone about her sons, she posts all her visits on her myspace page

Answer 5

Our son's mom and I were shopping one day, and I was surprised, when she told some friends of hers, "this is Julie who is going to be the baby's new mom".    In one way, I felt sorry for her, and at the same time, I'm glad she felt that comfortable.  For each person, situation, and for each extended family member, etc., things will be different. It is even different if you live in a big city, or a small rural town.  In our Walmart, I bought paint for the baby's nursery, fabrics to make the quilt, and clothes, diapers, etc.  Now, it's like the entire store has adopted him, and the clerks come and make him smile every time we go in.  The guy at the front door says, "there's our little guy".  It's almost as if they've adopted him too.

In closed adoption, I know a woman who gave birth, and then announced to her family that the baby had died.  For years, she went without emotional support, and when the child turned 18, they were reunited, which took some explaining, and made a few of the family members really mad.  I believe in telling the truth all the time, because if you lie about something, it takes 5 more lies to keep up the story, which expands from there, and by the time the truth comes out, it's too late.

Answer 6

Mine was closed, my mom, my sister, my boyfriends parents and a couple of friends new. For 29 years years i lived a lie and kept the secret. Now the world knows. But even now, when people ask "how many children do you have" I am often hesitant to say 2. I hate to explain.  I think if you have a open adoption, then it would be better to tell people.