If you rarely/never leave your child (for example: full SAHM), will he/she also develop separation anxiety?

Question

I work in a relatively flexible schedule and places, and whenever possible, I bring him to mingle with people there.

Answer 1

i don't know.... probably not, i think separation anxiety is a normal development and most babies experience it, regardless of whether their moms work or not.  It doesn't happen only when  you leave a baby with a babysitter or family member (for example) --- it manifests itself any time babies can't see their moms (at night in their crib, when they're playing on the floor and you've darted out of sight for a minute, etc).  

I'm a SAHM of a 7 1/2 month old baby and I haven't seen any separation anxiety yet. she's still friendly & happy-as-can-be with strangers. We go to the gym almost every day where I drop her off at the on-site child care center and she is happy as a clam. She doesn't seem to notice or care when I leave.  I think separation anxiety is strongest when they're around 12-15 months.  

Answer 2

Just because you're a SAHM doesn't mean your kids will have S.A. How old is he?

First thing to remember is, don't do everything yourself. Have your husband help (a lot) with feeding, baths, changing diapers, etc. Go out on a date with your husband at least once a week-- it doesn't have to be expensive. Go hiking (free), take a picnic (cheap), go out to dinner (moderate), or just go for a long drive and talk. Do NOT take your son with you. Hire a babysitter to watch him. This will help him learn to handle being around other people when you're not there. Have playdates with other families. If he's old enough, get him involved with T-ball or something.

I give credit to stay at home moms-- it's hard sometimes. You're sacrificing extra income to do what is best for your child. There is nothing wrong with it whatsoever. I do have a problem with women who do not let their kids out of their sight-- they don't trust babysitters, don't trust other moms, think all other kids are evil or something, etc. In that situation, it's the mother's own fault if her kid has problems, and she should feel absolutely ashamed for it. There was an episode of Nanny 911 the other day and this woman had 4 kids, the oldest was 8, the youngest was 2 and she had her husband had NEVER used a babysitter-- not once. Everyday when her older kids left for school, she cried, which made them feel insecure. I thought it was sick.... As long as you're not that extreme with it (just being a normal mom), you're ok.

Answer 3

No, I don't think so - although it depends on how sociable you are.  If you stay in and rarely mix and the child relies on you for nearly all his social life - then maybe.  However, if he is simply there when you have friends round, you take him with you to the shops, he's up at dinner parties, your parents etc - then I'd say it's pretty normal.  In fact, he's probably more likely to be the reverse of what you might expect.  If he's had the security of growing up in a stable and loving environment it'll give him a firm background from which to explore when he's older.

Answer 4

Separation anxiety has little to do with how much time the primary care giver spends with the child, and more to do witht he fact that the child is starting to realise that s/he's a separate individual, a concept which is quite scary. This is why they become quite clingy.

My son is 9 and a half months and has never been massively clingy/affectionate/cuddly, but he's suddenly started wanted more and more hugs from me. He's just about ok with strangers still, but I can see that changing.

Spearation anxiety should peak at about 18 months at the latest.

Answer 5

Well, I think some has to do with the personality of the child. They are born with one all their own. Some does have to do with you getting him used to being around other people. You may have to deal with some tears when you leave him, but I would start leaving him with people you trust now. He will have to understand that mommy will leave but will always come back, it will start to give him the confidence to step out on his own. You don't want the first time that he's ever away from you to be kindergarten...you and he both, will be basket cases. I was all teary eyed putting my 7 yr old on the bus 2 years ago. Good luck, and do what you believe to be best for you and your family.

Answer 6

I am a SAHM and my daughter developed separation anxiety and stranger anxiety early. She started showing signs at around 4 months and it peaked at around 8 months. She's 11 months now and is finally getting better with it. Before she'd only go to me, my husband, and my parents. Now she loves my grandma and my aunt and just the other day she was playing peekaboo with the lady behind me in line at the grocery store-which is something she would NEVER do. If anyone looked at her too long, she'd cry. So it's definitely getting better.  

Answer 7

I'm no expert but it seems to me that at the age of 5, if a child was separated from their mother for the 1st time, they would still go through separation anxiety.  (I know I did on my 1st day of Kindergarten and I even stayed w/ my grandparents on occasion.)  



I don't think they skip the separation anxiety stage but how much separation anxiety probably depends on the individual child.  

Answer 8

So far, so good for me. I'm a full-time mommy and my son just turned a year. I honestly, think it just depends on their personality. My son is very laid-back, doesn't upset very easily, quite content, and plays alone very well. On the other hand, my niece (who's mother is also a SAHM) is the complete opposite. She won't go to anyone and won't stay w/ anyone. I try to make a habit of running errands w/o my son once in a great while, w/ a handful of different people (mom, mom-in-law, grandma, sis, etc.). That way he has a little variety in his life and will get to know other family members better. I would definitely recommend the same.  

Answer 9

I'm a stay at home mom (mommy 24/7) and work from home and our son still went through a stage of seperation anxiety (arount 8 or 9 months). It's lasted about 2 months or so....but it has gotten better. It started with no one but mommy could hold him..mommy couldn't use the ladies room without Ian outside of the bathroom door banging on it, screaming mama, and crying...then I tried opening the door and he'd crawl up to me and scream mama until I was done washing my hands...it's much better now (he's almost 11 months)...but he's still very clingy...I don't know that it's seperation anxiety anymore...I think it's just he's so use to seeing me 24/7 that when I'm gone for the shortest amount of time he's still learning that mommy will come back. It does get better though, I promise!

Answer 10

I think it depends on what you define as separation anxiety.  All babies go through some form of separation anxiety somewhere between 7-12 months (give or take).  Even babies who are securely attached to their parents go through this phase where they are learning about object permanence.  If you walk away from them to a different room, or some times even the same room, they will freak out, cry, scream, and become hysterical.  This happens because they are learning that you still exist while they don't see you, but they don't know when you're coming back, what you're doing while you're gone, and if you're aware of them while you're not with them.  All babies do that, some just more so than others.  So, for this, yes, all babies, even those who are always with their moms go through separation anxiety.

If you're talking about anxiety over being left with someone else, or over not being with mom for a period of time like starting school or the occasional sitter, securely attached children don't have as many problems as children who have avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized relationships.  http://www.ces.purdue.edu/providerparent...

Answer 11

All children go through a period of 'separation anxiety', and never leaving them won't prevent or delay it - and may make it worse, in my experience. I have seen kids cry until they puked.

Even a very social child, who likes visitors/strangers, goes through some of it.

Why would you want to delay a normal stage of development? I know some kids who cry if left alone in a room with their FATHER!

Suppose you have to be hospitalized [ like to have a sibling ], or go to an family emergency - do you want to think about your child crying for several days?

Not me!

Answer 12

I think it completely depends on the childs personality and their ability to accept other people.

I have 4 children. My older children did pretty well with others most of the time. One did have problem around 1.5 years old.

My almost 4 y.o has been home with me 100% until last year when she went to preschool 4.5 hours a day 4 days a week. She did fine.

There are kids who stay with their parents 100% of the time. Then are introduced to kindergarten and freak out about going. Then the others are fine.

Answer 13

I have been a sahm for 2 and a half years, and my son seems to be fine. I get the occasional tearful goodbye when I do leave him but normally he is ok after about 5 minutes and forgets I've gone! Other occasions I have to go and get a kiss from him as he is so engrossed in what he is doing to even notice that I am saying goodbye!

Answer 14

If your child is doing well you are lucky. I was a SAHM and I took my youngest with me everywhere. Well then when he started crawling the first time I left him was the nursery at the church, they came and pulled me out of services because he was crying so bad that he made himself sick. He just turned four and is finally on his own ready to start preschool, and just in the last year has finally started staying home with his dad which he never used to do without crying all the time until he puked. My oldest was in daycare as early as 6wks. and he would stay with anyone. He is ten now and still it is hard to decide which way is better for the boys, the oldest has never met a stranger which is scary and the youngest won't even stay with family.  

Answer 15

I'm a SAHM.  My 8 year old is going into 3rd grade, and my 5 year old is starting school this year.

Pretty much all kids will have seperation anxiety at some point in their life, whether the mom is at home or not.  

The thing with SAHM's is that when the have to leave their child with someone else, it's usually for a very short period, maybe a couple of hours.  Working moms generally leave their kids for about 8 hours or more...however long their shift is.

If a mom leaves their child occasionally, the SAHM's child might have an easier time because that child, although they can't tell time, can feel that it's only been a short while before Mom comes back.

Working mom's kids know that mom won't be back for a very long time.  8 hours is like an eternity to kids!

The only time I think a child of a SAHM would have worse separation anxiety is if they have never been away from mom, ever, for years, and then all of a sudden mom leaves for whatever reason.

I didn't leave my child until she was close to a year old (and even then, just for a couple hours), and I left her with Daddy (I wouldn't really trust anyone other than my husband to take care of her).  She didn't seem to mind because she was with her Daddy.  

I think separation anxiety would be worse if you were leaving the child with someone they didn't know.

Answer 16

My 11 month old has never left my side in 11 months.  Even when I go pee, she comes too.  We bath together, we eat together, we co-sleep, we do everything together.  Her seperation anxiety started at around 5 months, when she started to bcome hysterical if anyone but her father or I held her.  Now, she will happily play with others alone, smiles and waves at strangers and will babble at them, it's just the physical contact she's still not happy with.  I don't force it upon her though, I know it's hard when others want to hold her, but I just say to them that when she is ready she will go to them.  She is so sociable aside from being held, I don't see the point of forcing contact upon her, I think this will may her revert to having total seperation anxiety.  

Answer 17

I've been an SAHM to two boys for almost 9 years. They both occassionally had a few tears when I left (first day of preschool) but overall, they've done well. I think alot of it has to do w/your personality, the child's personality and how much you get them out and around other people.