If you read this part of my story would you want to read the rest of it? (BE HONEST!) thanks?

Question

Greta had a nice weekend.

She ran home from school Friday afternoon, changed into casual clothes, ate a piece of toast, then walked alone down to the park and swung on the swing for half an hour or so until her friend Peter showed up.

I only know all this about how Greta spent her Friday afternoon-well, about how Greta spends most her days-because I’m Greta’s old friend. Yeah, you could say that we’re old friends. Well, technically I suppose we’ve never actually met. Technically I’ve never met anyone. I guess it’s complicated. I’ll try to explain:

I was brought up in an isolated community in the middle of what today you’d call the Soviet Union. It was a town of 250 people and we all appreciated our traditions very much. I’ll skip the details because I can’t stay too long, but basically here’s what happened: our town died off quickly when blight struck our crops and there was no longer any way of sustaining ourselves. But our traditions and our religion lived.

Answer 1

Yeah totally! =)

Answer 2

Well, it is a little boring and well, people like detailz. Sorry

Answer 3

it seems a bit confusing.

edit it down or just re-order things to make it easier to read & understand.

Answer 4

Yeah, totally!!! You should write a book, unless this is part of your book...

Answer 5

You could have put it at the very beginning of your story, and to be truthfully honest, I thought it was a good story, I like to be able to read the rest when you finish it.Its fantastic about your traditions & religions, I wish everyone in the world no matter what they think they've lost, they too, should still have their traditions & religion, thank you for a very moving story. Good Luck with the ending of your story!I'll be praying   for you!

Answer 6

ignore the people about adding details.

wow, i just love the stream of consciousness,

i love hearing whats really on your mind,

it adds to the character, in this case the spirit thing,

this is how i write my stories, i guess you could say im pretty good, so are you.

when i write i always have this one point i try to get to, like a  single scene, mood or glance. they are my good story triggers.

what do you do to trigger a great story?

at first i thought the person talking was a corn stalk.

haha,

yes i want to read the end.

Answer 7

yeah

u should develope it more though

and u should give the details

Answer 8

Okay, I'll be completely honest and say I read the first two paragraphs and thought "Oh God No...This is going to be some dumb fifth grade level story." It changed a little, but it's a little slow and not a very good opening. Also, it sounds more like a short story or fanfiction rather than a novel or anything of the sort.

A few suggestions:

-Start out with action, it ties people in immediately, you can explain details through dialogue and through actions rather than telling it all right in the beginning. Because it grips people when they don't know the whole story, it makes them want to read more, and that's your goal.

-The one thing that I loved is the 'I can't stay too long', it gets people going "What does she mean?" the only thing is, it sounds like she CAN stay, just cut things short. Or at least the narrator's part short.

-To REALLY make it feel parallel, I could recommend switching between Greta's point of view, just a normal life for a bit, and the narrator's point of view, I'd start with wherever you can insert action, and not just running home, something big. And then there could be an intersection.

But really, this is your story, you can do as you want with it. Those are just a couple ideas. It sounds like it's just a start and that there'll probably be multiple versions, but it's an interesting idea. Keep working. Good Luck.

---Linzz.

Answer 9

Awesome! I like it - truthfully. I am 13 and I write stories like that sometimes.

Answer 10

"I’ll skip the details because I can’t stay too long"

You should explain the details because its confusing if you rush through it all ...

Answer 11

Don't skip the details, because people are curious to hear them!  But I like it so far, and I would keep reading the story.

Answer 12

Yes, the beginning is catching and intereted readers like to be motivated as the story unfolds

Answer 13

well i like romance-dramas

Answer 14

no. it sounds confusing!