If you received an anonymous letter...?

Question

That said that your teenage son was heavily involved in marijuana use

what would you do?

Answer 1

Talk to him first and see if he owns up to it. Tell him you can purchase a test to see for yourself and see if that pulls the truth out of him. If he still says he's not, then he won't mind taking the test. You need to know either way and if he knows someone is watching him maybe he'll think twice about trying something the next time it's offered to him.

Answer 2

Before you test him, figure out what you're going to do with the results. Yes, it's bad- but ALL of his friends are doing it. It's very hard to compete with them. Is he doing well in school? Are you missing money, valuables? Is he generally responsible? Take all of these into consideration when making your decision. I'm a 38 yr old mother of two teens. Good luck to you.

P.S- It's very hard to be a teen these days!

Answer 3

consider actually having a conversation with your child.  most people have forgotten how to do this.  the first step is listening.

Answer 4

You should already have had some clues. If your son truely is heavily involved and you had no idea, it's because you were not paying enough attention. Get a drug test. Find out who he is hanging out with and make him more of a priority. Make sure you always know where he is. Do not allow him to choose to hang out with kids who are no good. Spend more quality time with him. Let him know how much he means to you everyday. You will have to take him away from his friends and he will not be happy about it, but you can replace the bad things that he is hanging onto with good and wholesome things that will keep him closer to good people and activities. Look for various opportunities to share good times with him.

Answer 5

I'm not sure.  It might depend on the situation.   I might schedule a regular checkup with the doctor and quietly ask the doctor to include bloodwork checking for drugs including marijuana.   I might show the letter to my son and ask if it was true.    If I confirmed that he was using marijuana, I would talk to him frankly about it and ask him to hand over his "stash".  I might consult with my doctor about how to get him into treatment for chemical dependency.   I might assess his activities and try to determine what activities, times of day and what friends were related to the drug use and focus on making some changes to his schedules.  In particular, I might increase the number of supervised activities, like a job, or classes, where it would be more difficult to smoke.    I might try to determine which kids were involved, and consider whether to inform those parents.

Meanwhile, I might wonder who sent the letter, and what their motive was.  Was it a friend who was trying to retaliate against my son?   Was it another mother who wanted me to know but didn't want her own child angry at her for doing it?

Best of luck!

Answer 6

been there.........

you can't ignore it

be prerpared for a confrontational argument........

if this happens, then you know........without the test.........

Answer 7

well I've been there and its one area I couldn't compete with.Pot is much more powerful than people believe.  changed my son into being irritable,  paranoid, stole money , and lost interest in family and school...I just couldn't stop it.  I think I would be much more proactive and take extreme measures early on if I had to do it over again...

Answer 8

I would be very appreciative that someone cared enough about my son to express the concern.  That is the key... express the concern...  If you are angry at the kid... then don't send the letter.  If your motivation is to help.. then by all means send it!!!

I would take whatever action was necessary to save my boy.

Bless you for caring...

Answer 9

I would ask him about it immediately.  That is too serious a matter to just overlook.

Answer 10

I would talk to my son and any other children I have to find out if they know about the angers of using drugs then we would go get the test if I feel as if there was any dishonesty

Answer 11

If you're considering sending it anonymously, I'd immediately question your motive.  If you don't have enough courage to sign your name or have a face to face conversation, then don't bother.  It'll be completely transparent that you're not concerned just a cowardly busybody.

Answer 12

Drugs wreak lives. Do it. If they do not take notice then send another one. If i were a parent and recieved one -i would take steps to find out and stop my child.

Answer 13

Well, I would ask him first, and if he is a heavy marijuana user you should probably be able to tell. You know your child, so when you ask you'll know if he's lying. I would take it from there. You don't want to start accusing your son becuase you received a letter in the mail. People can be ridiculous these days.

Answer 14

I would find the best way to face him, whatever that may be and offer help.  But that is just me, a lot of parents are not that way.

It sounds like you are trying to do something nice and help someone, just make sure you are positive what you are saying is true and write carefully, very carefully, so you don't make a bad problem worse.

Good luck!!!

Answer 15

Well If I received a letter telling me my son was involved with drugs then I would be grateful that the person sent it. And that would let me know that they cared about my child and wanted them to get help and treatment . I think you should send that letter if you truly care for them

Answer 16

I would appreciate it.  You should do it, that way you can know you did the right thing.  If the parents choose to disregard, then it is on them.

Answer 17

As a parent I might start poking around to see if I can find any evidence of the allegations.  Should I not find any in my home I might possibly think that the letter was a prank from another teen.  I think you would be better off calling from a pay phone and talking to them in person.  Let them know you don't want to give your name but felt strongly that they should know what was going on with their son.  They are more likely to trust someone who they speak to personally verses an anonymous letter.

Answer 18

I would go to a drugstore and get a test to see. Also you can ask him.

Answer 19

What I would do is sit down and talk to him about it before I went out and had him tested.  If he said he wasn't doing it, I would monitor his behavior and actions closely, where he goes, what he does, and if then you become suspicious bring the drug test out.

Answer 20

Honestly,what is so bad about marijuana?

I've been smoking since 8th grade, and i'm in all honor classes, and two clubs... (i am about to be a senior...)

It doesnt do half the stuff the media says it does. It was used as asprin, and as a relaxer, after all...

I'd ask them about it, tell them that i respect the truth, no questions asked, and that if they did, i wouldnt care, as long as it didnt lead to other drug use.

besides, if it's not your son, why would you break up a family like that? To get some sick thrill?

Answer 21

As a concerned parent, I would be proactive in helping my child. I didn't know there were at-home tests until now, but I would one or get an official one done at surprise to my son. Then if it shows positive for drug use then I would try to get insight as to how much it is happening and if it seems like a real problem, I would get him help.

Immediate punishment will not help anything. But there will be consequences.

Answer 22

Depends on the parents.Some would drug test her and all you know what would break loose.Some parents however, and sadly, would fire one up and have her take a hit.

Answer 23

I would absolutely take it seriously. Either someone is trying to help him, or someone is trying to get him into trouble for retaliation's sake for some reason.

Either way, you should get him tested. I'm assuming he is still living at home - he is too young to be experimenting in my opinion, but if what the letter says is true, he's beyond the "experimentation" phase and is smoking a lot.

I'd be worried. Not because I think it's extremely dangerous,  but I know it can cause you to lose a lot of motivation and become lazy and apathetic. I'd be less concerned if he was an adult, but someone young enough to be living at home might not know how to counteract those effects enough to maintain good grades, hold down a job, etc.

Answer 24

I would casually bring up the topic of drug use and see how he reacts.  Don't be all "nobody should do drugs ever its bad blah blah blah" because he will turn off and shut you out.

Just try to keep it light, ask if any of his friends do it, this may not all be able to happen in one sitting it may be that you have to speak to him a few times about it until he feels comfortable about it.  Once he does and you feel he is speaking truthfully to you, I would just say (casually) "Have you ever tried it?"

There are plenty of websites that can give you hundreds of things to look for if you think your child is using any kind of drugs.  I would search for some that are relevant to you and read up a little first, a little bit of knowledge can go a long way.

I'm really not in a position to give you any advice on what to do if he is indeed smoking pot.  I would imagine speaking to a drug counsellor could give you more information.

Hope this helps :o) Good Luck

Answer 25

I would NOT send it unless you know for sure..But If I were to do that I might include the statements.."there is a cheap at home test at the drug store" and..maybe..."if you dont do something I may be forced to do something with the law"

Answer 26

Yep...just go buy a test at the drug store.  I'm not sure if you should say anything about the letter.  Has he given you any reason to suggest that he would be into drugs?  Has his attitude or interests changed?  If he hasn't, I would say something about the letter, because that would give him the reason as to why you are concerned, not simply because you don't trust him.  Kids can be cruel as well, just sending a letter to get him in trouble if he is having a problem with one of his friends.  On the other hand, if he HAS given you some reasons for you to suspect that he would be doing drugs, maybe you don't need to mention the letter.

Answer 27

buy a test. depends on how the letter looked. was it stamped with a government seal, or a peice of paper with your sone does drugs.

Answer 28

i would not do this. his parents, no doubt, are going to freak out and make sure that there is absolutely no chance he can use marijuana. if the kid is a serious pot smoker, he is not going to take a change like this well. this could lead to him trying other drugs that are stronger and much more dangerous, such as cocaine. he may even mix prescription medications as a substitute, which has proven to be fatal on a number of occurences. the fact is, he is going to do whatever it takes to get high if he can't have weed. and many people do not want to acknowledge this, but marijuana really is not that bad of a drug. people don't overdose on marijuana. have you ever even heard of anyone dying from smoking pot? no. this is because they don't. i say just let him be, and if you really think that this is a problem, talk to him personally about your concern. he will listen. it would go much better than an anonymous letter, which would cause all h**l to break loose in his family's household.

Answer 29

Why would you do that. That is so ignorant and cowardly. If you are going to make such allegations at least confront the person face to face and you better be sure you have all your facts or you may be in for some real Karmic h**l.

Answer 30

I would ask my son about it. Depending on his reaction, I would decide whether or not I needed to get a test. If I was not sure that I can trust my son, or if I had reason to believe the anonymous letter, I would definitely get the test and make him pee in front of me!

Good luck!

Answer 31

As a parent yes I would want someone to tell me . So I can help my child.And you should just send it you care about children so do it and let the parents take over.