If you were a 34 year old single female and wanted to have a child at some point in your life?

Question

(1) do in vitro

(2) adopt

(3) wait for the right guy b/c women are having kids in their 40s these days

(4) some other option that i am unaware of

-----this is not a chat, i'm just asking a question...thanks for taking the time to answer it!

Answer 1

in vitro. Get a sperm donor. This is coming from a 31 year old who knows her options, and is planning to start having kids in the next year. I am married, but our financial situation is not the best. I can improve the money situation later... I can't improve my fertility.

There are NOT healthy babies up for adoption to single parents unless you are one of the rich and famous.

Some women get LUCKY and can have healthy babies in their 40's.

If you want a baby, you need to act now, and s***w the consequences. Don't cheap yourself out of having a baby just because you didn't get knocked up in high school. You were smart enough to control yourself and wait until you were sure you wanted a child.... let's not lose those genes from the human population!

At 34 you cannot afford to wait. If Mr. Right is out there he will accept both you AND your child. Please don't deny yourself a child just because love hasn't happened for you yet. Daycare is $125 a week and can start at 6 weeks of age. If you want a child, you can make it work. I know too many women who waited too long. 35 really is a very steep downhill slope of fertility, no matter what the preteens on here are telling you. You are not immortal, you are a deserving human being with a need to nurture. Have the kid, you can make it work, and with 34 years life experience you will be a terrific mom! And hopefully you will find Mr. Right, maybe even at the daycare center. :D

I hope you don't wait too long... I also hope I don't wait too long! Infertility is a scary thing when you want children.

Answer 2

I might get a sperm donor... either go to a sperm bank and pick someone smart and good looking, or have some one nighters (kidding, though that might work too). I wouldn't rule out finding the right guy in the next few years either, though i wouldn't want to have kids in my 40's - too many risks and then being an "older" parent and all that. Adoption is a good option too.

Answer 3

2 or 3. One thing to keep in mind if you live to 80, have a baby at 40...you're 50% finished with your life at the birth of the baby.

Answer 4

Definitely 3.  Having a child on your own is not an ideal situation - for mom or baby.

Answer 5

I would wait for the right guy and if I didn't find him in a few more years then I'd adopt.

Answer 6

I would most likely just go ahead and adopt, plenty of children out there just waiting for a loving home.

Answer 7

I would adopt.  

I think that sperm donor/surrogacy have a whole host of ethical dilemmas for the child that we haven't begun to touch on.

Waiting for the right man is also an option, but bear in mind that a woman's fertility starts decreasing at 30 and starts taking major falls by 35-40.  Yes, some women are having kids in their 40's  but there are risks associated with childbirth at that age.  My mother was in her late 40's when I was born and had no problems in pregnancy and I had no birth defects.  But on the other hand, my father died when I was a teenager.  There are those things to consider as well, when thinking of having children past 40.

ETA: Single women can adopt.  Some agencies do put a preference on married couples, but foster care adoption does not.  Some international adoption programs allow single women to adopt, others do not.

Answer 8

I was thinking of this, because I am not seeing marriage in my future due to men being, well men. So, I've thought about surrogacy and invitro. Adoption is an option, however, if going through an agency, they like couples to adopt, not singles.

Answer 9

I would have frozen my eggs before now like at 30 and do IUI (intrauterine insemination) via sperm donor

If you want a child 3 is not a good option because only 10% of women are successful at having a live birth at 40 years old, half of them have learning disabilities

Answer 10

Please, you are 34 going on 35. Then 5 more years until you are 40. Then at 40, you are just out of your 30s. I am fed up with people putting women over 30 in the 'OMG, she is nearly 40.' There are so many reasons why people don't have children by a certain age, if you force yourself to get together with somone who isn't right for you, then you will age very quickly and you will be miserable. Stay postive and look at all the positives. Are you healthy, do you have peace of mind? I could go on...Also, in this world today, there are so many factors that contribute to women not settling down and having children younger. There are those in their twenties now who think that they will wait for a few years, then everything changes, and suddently there is no potential for settling down. A woman of 40 could suddenly get pregnant, and everything comes together. It is a strange world that we see women in their 60s giving birth through IVF, then there are women like you who are at the prime time in their lives to have babies, but biology dictates, but you are so young in comparison. Also, bear in mind, that although men can have children forever, there are many who would love to have them earlier, maybe be the active father taking the boy out to the park to play football, but then it may not work out for them and they never had children because they never met the decent girl they could settle with. I have heard doctors say that the egg quality declines after 35, and some say 37, just harder not impossible. I have worried about whether I will have children all my life, and the realities of the biological clock. My advice to you is to LIVE each day to the full, so much can change in life when think and act in the present, suddenly you have more time. I would say start to really worry when you get to 36, then look at the options you mentioned. For now, I would think positive and make it my priority to meet a nice man (be sensible and use your intuition) then make it a priority to have children, I hope you have two. You are in a good position, you are single and just want to start your family, there are men out there just like you and you will be ideal for one of them.

Answer 11

1 and 2 are good

Answer 12

Adopt. If I haven't had children by the time I'm 35 that's what I'm doing. If you have your baby in your forties then when your child is only 20 you'll be 60, old enough to be a grandma. There are so, so many kids out there waiting for homes and families and if you think you can give someone a good life, go for it. It's hard to raise a kid on your own though, you have to see about things like - do you have a stable job? Can you support a family on your own? Things like that. If ever you do find the right guy, then you can always try for more children. Good luck :)

Answer 13

I would consider a sperm donor if i got to late 30's and still hadnt found a man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  Adoption would also be a really lovely option as there are so many children out there desperate for a loving home.  It just depends on if you want a child that is biologically yours or if you just want a child to love regardless of where he or she is from.  You could wait until you are in your 40's like so many people do now, but later on many people have trouble conceiving and it may reduce your options.  Whatever you choose to do good luck!