If you were adopted through foster care and?

Question

You knew that your biological parents were drug addicts that hit you when you were a baby... Would you still want to meet your bio parents as an adult? Do you think there would still be a feeling of loss if you were given up for adoption under those circumstances ?

Answer 1

I was never in foster care, but before I met my mirth mom I knew she had a drug problem and had abused me. My adoptive parents had a hard time with me when they first got me I had alot of fears and I wouldn't sleep at night. I also had cigarette burns on my legs and when asked where they came from I said "Jan" (BM's name) boyfriend.

I was 2 when I was adopted and had no memory of the abuse or my BM. I still wanted to meet her and I did. I have never regretted it. We have a good relationship. We have not discussed much about what happened back then and i am content to leave the past in the past and consentrate on the present.

Answer 2

We adopted our kids through foster care and while the natural parents aren't drug addicts, they are developmentally disabled and let a lot of really bad things happen to my kids.  I stay in contact with them because they have had 2 more kids since they signed over rights to my five.  I want all of my kids to know eachother.  I also don't want my kids to have a fairy tale image of what their natural parents are.  I fear they would be very disappointed to expect their birth parents to "parent" them in a way that they are unable to do.  Will my kids grieve or have a feeling of loss?  I don't know.  Right now, they are just very happy to still be together.

Answer 3

honestly yes....even though it will be hard for you i think you should still see them for closure...ask them why?....and who knows you guys may become friends:)  and if you dont become friends or if you dont like them you wont always wonder what coyuld of been you'll know

Answer 4

A loss for who? You - yes, them IDK?  Drugs dont usually have a heart, they don't feel love or even know how to.  Drugs will ruin a person,

Just be happy that you ended up with a good life (I hope that you did) because being raised in a drug home is not a good place for a child.

Answer 5

I have two children adopted through foster care and I want them to meet their biological families when they are adults. It is perfectly normal to want to meet them and I encourage it.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

I wasn't - but my daughter was and I can say - OMG YES!  There is an immense sense of loss and grief as well as anger, betrayal, love and longing.  She does want to find her birth parents - which is something we will work towards when she is a little older.  These children lost a huge part of their lives when their parents were unable to parent them safely.  It does not take away the love or grief they feel - and it is a disservice to them to think that way.

Answer 7

From my own personal experience, yes.  I grew up believing that my first parents lost custody of me due to drugs and abuse.  My adoptive parents were told this.  As an adult, I found out this wasn't true.  A social worker from the agency stated that this information was incorrect, and told me an entirely different scenario.

I had no idea what the truth was at that point.  Were they abusers?  Was a relinquished or was I taken by the state?  One thing I knew for certain was that no matter the circumstances, I wanted to meet them.  I wanted to know my origins and meet the people who brought me into the world, if I could.  

I certainly felt a loss.  Even as a child, fully believing that they were abusers who lost me to the state, I felt a loss.  I lost my first family -- good, bad or otherwise, I lost them.  Whether it was their decision, their fault or whatever, I still lost my first family.  Because of one social worker's lies, I grew up believing that if they'd have been better people (not abusive,) it would have never happened.  

I've been reunited for 7 years.  It  was a happy reunion that's led to some great relationships.  I was voluntarily relinquished by my first parents at 13 months old.  I wasn't taken due to abuse.  CPS was never a part of the equation.  Knowing my full history and knowing my first family has been good for me.

Answer 8

Yes, yes I do.... Drugs take everything away from you. The love you have for yourself, your children...everything. This doesn't mean it was okay for them to do what they did to you, if you are talking about yourself. Only that I know from experience both of my parents loved me so much but the drugs came first. They (drugs) steel and lie to you, they rob you from your life and sometimes, sadly even take your life. But I know how much my Mother loved me. It may have taken time for her to get better. And, it killed me in the process. The feeling of being abandoned and all of the pain both my parents put me through. It hurt like nothing I've ever had to go through in my whole life. It took a long time to forgive, a LONG time but I did, and I am glad I did. They are both gone now. But I've made my peace. I won't lie and say the pain is gone. Perhaps it will never be. I just know about addicts and I know that drugs steel your joy, your love, your everything. But, in my heart of hearts I know my parents really did love me. They we're fighting their own deamons. There was nothing I could've done to save them. But in the end, I will always know that YES... they loved me with all of their hearts. Drugs or not. Sometimes things happen for a reason. I know I was in a safe place when I was away from them, even though all I wanted was to be with them. It was a long process but I got through it for the most part. I still hurt like I said before. But knowing that my parents didn't use drugs because they didn't love me is what helped alot. On edit my parents also beat me.

Answer 9

I am in this situation with my son and I would hope that his mother cleans up if he decides to find her.  He knows she made some bad choices / broke the judges rules and is sick and that she needs a lot of help to get better. He knows his parents as he is in school and has been in foster care most of his life (we are trying to adopt him).

Answer 10

Yes, it would still be a loss.  The loss of my parents, the loss of the parents that they SHOULD have been, the loss of the life that I SHOULD have had if they had been good and loving parents.

I would still want to meet them.  Whether it be for closure, or to see if they've changed, or for whatever reason...losing your parents is not something that can just be dismissed and forgotten.