If you were going to adopt....?

Question

Set the scene, you've just adopted a child and one day you're sat in the lounge with them and they tell you that their blood grandparents said that you're not their real mother and never will be. How would you react to this?

Answer 1

I would tell the child that no matter what, you would be their mother and  it doesn't matter whether you're blood or not.

Answer 2

Wouldn´t bother me as the process has been implemented and the kids have been adopted to you ( period ) all other things are secondary and life is tyraumatic anyway and it´s a lot less trumatic than having to deal with for example a disability or a trauma.

Answer 3

I would not let them have any contact with the child

By the way, my brother has an adopted child, and she is as much my niece as my sister biological children.  I never call my sister Biological children

If some one ask, how many nieces, I say 4, not 3 biological and 1 adopted.  I have four

If anybody does not see your child that way, then keep you child away from them

Answer 4

So busy ...I'd go with her answer she said exactly what I was thinking as I read your question.

Answer 5

Firstly I would explain to my child that sometimes people use the term "real" to mean first or biological family.  I would say that in that sense they are right - I am not their biological mother.  I would then go onto explain that actually, their their first mother and I are both "real" mommies (after all neither of us are plastic) just in different ways.  

Later I would talk to their grandparents and politely explain my veiw and see if we could agree on some better terminology.  Hopefully they would respect my wishes and we could keep things happy for all involved.

Answer 6

just explain to the child that you may not be their blood mother, but that you love them like they were your own and that nothing changes how you two should love each other. I'd then talk to the grandparents and ask why they made a comment without an explanation, it was very unfair of them to do this with out some warning to you.

Answer 7

I think it's better to bring them up knowing the truth from the beginning - rather than to just drop that kind of information on them out of the blue when they are older. That way it never becomes an issue. The longer you wait to tell them the more difficult it becomes. Because they will find out eventually. What happens if they decide to research their own family tree in the future and discover that you've always been lying to them? That would really hurt. Tell them while they are still young enough to easily accept it. :-)

Answer 8

Ask them how they feel about this. Tell them that you love them, and to you, they will always be their one and only.

Answer 9

I would tell the child that their blood grandparents do not love them enough to take care of them and that I do.

Answer 10

I'd be furious with the grandparents for telling the child.  It's not their place.  Tell the child that you chose it because you loved it and wanted to give it a better life than it had with it's natural family, and don't allow the blood relatives any access until the child is 18 and can make it's own mind up.

Answer 11

If i were in that situation i would be very sympathetic and kinda angry..but then i'll say that is true, but i'm as real as you could get and my love for you was never different for you...but more!

I however wouldnt be in that situation because i would make sure the child knows earlier on so we can move on in life.

peace inshallah (if God wills)

x

Answer 12

I think every adoptee has said this at one time or another to their adoptive parents.  Acknowledge the truth that biologically you are not mother but in every other sense of the word you are.  Tell them that you love them and support them fully. Don't say anything even remotely derogatory against your child's natural parents.

Answer 13

I'd say, "Well, technically grandma/grandpa is correct.  I didn't give birth to you, so I'm not your biological mother.  However, out of all the babies in all the world, I chose YOU.  I loved you from the minute that I saw you, and no one can change that.  Not even grandma and grandpa."  That's what I would say to my child.

As for the grandparents.... if that's the way they feel, nothing I say to them could change their minds about the issue.  People like that are very stubborn and eternally stuck in their ways.  Like I said, technically, they are right, so there's no need to get TOO worked up about it.  I would confront them about the issue though.  Although its perfectly acceptable to talk about the fact that the child is adopted, its not acceptable to dismiss the fact that I am his adoptive mother.  I'd assure them that I love the child as my own.  That's the point of adopting.  I can't promise that I wouldn't get nasty about it though.  I have the tendency of blowing up.  If they were to push my buttons for too long, I may end up saying something I'd regret.

Answer 14

ask them if they know what a "real" mom and dad are. A real mom and dad are the ones taking care of you.  After a talk with the child, I would have a private, polite conversation with the blood grandparents on this subject.