If you were in my situation, would you simply ' give up ' or try to fight on to achieve the life you wanted ?

Question

I feel trapped here, fenced in where i am with no escape- can anyone help me ?

i feel like people where i live are sending the message in a nice way, that this is it for me......in a council area in a one bedroom flat on disabilty is where i'll stay until i die..

people treat me as though im severeley terminally ill and im not going anywhere.....and i dont have long.....and i'll die around here.

and for a person like me, whos still very ambitious, and wants to move on.....the thought that im being trapped here by the system and people is tortorous.

im 30 years old now and have endured a miserable, unhappy life, all my life.

suffered bullying abuse, rejection, injuries other emotional trauma..

i suffer with BPD, terrible depressions, mood swings.....post traumatic stress symptoms......very bad anxiety thats turned me into an aggraphobic.

ive never formed any relationships in my life so far because of my rage , extreme low self worth...clingyness and other social problems....

im literally alone, socially isolated, except for my 58 year old mother, whos done her best to stand by me.....and 1 good internet friend ive known for 2 years....who is 3,000 miles away.

ive never been employed, never studied or gained qualifications.....have a minor criminal record.....spent all my life on disability.......been in a psyche hospital.

i feel labelled and stigmatised because ive lost it many times in public with rage, embarressing myself & publically humilating myself...causing attacks from people and being socially ostracized.

im waiting for psychotherapy and was diagnosed with bpd months before xmas...my psychiatrist also accepts i have bad PTSD symptoms..

nightmares, flashbacks, afraid to go out etc.

my only hope now, my only wish, my biggest ambition is to somehow achieve a life for myself.

my goals are to achieve a well paying job in computers and finally more

Answer 1

18 years ago today my wife was found unconscious and not breathing in her hospital room. The result was an anoxic brain injury with many of the symptoms you described.

After a month in the hospital she was released to a very strange family: she did not remember me nor our two children. In fact, she did not remember a lot of things. Her thinking was slowed; decisions were very difficult and her behavior ran from one end of the spectrum to the other. Fits of crying would be followed by fits of anger.

We began developing strategies to help her cope with daily life and improve her mental skills. Eventually she became a computer hardware analyst for a Fortune 500 company. Earlier this year she was laid off, so we're starting all over again with strategies for her second new life.

We have two websites to provide help to people in your situation and hope you will find it beneficial. She also writes a blog. All are referenced below.

Answer 2

Self terminate,cause you are a drain on working taxpayers.

Answer 3

oh, sweetie, I see LOTS of hope for you. I am sorry for the hard life you have had so far, but there is no reason your life cannot get better. It can. Mostly because you want it to. You have a dream and I think that's wonderful and you should hang onto it. The first step in making good things happen is the ability to visualize it.

Your age is a good age...you are still young and have plenty of time to work on putting your life together. You are intelligent..I can tell from the way your worded your question that you are articulate and you are a thinker. This is a great advantage to you.

As far as the stigma goes, please stop worrying about what other people think. Don't give them power over you. You will have to be your own best friend for a while and just disregard the thoughts of other people. They don't matter anyway. It is YOUR life and you will start arranging it the way you want it. It won't happen overnight, but you can do it.

As far as being on disability, that is a good thing. A steady income until you can get on your feet. That is what the money is there for, to help people who need it.

As far as your apartment goes, if it is messy you can clean it up. I too live in a small space and have done what I can to make it inviting and cozy with paint, and sewing some curtains, keeping it clean, putting a plant or two around and surrounding myself with things I love. You can to this too. Make your little apartment a safe haven that is soothing and pleasant to be in. It doesn't take a lot of money to fix up a place. Just do a little at a time.

Keep working with a therapist or doctor to help you with your flashbacks and anxieties. Maybe even get some books on how to help yourself deal with it. I am sorry life has kicked you around so badly. There is nothing we can do about the past, only the present and the future. The past is gone. Just start from today and go forward.

You will not always be in this situation. Things will get better. But until then, try to make what you have as safe and comfortable as possible for yourself as you are healing from all your injuries and hurts.

I hope you soon feel better. Take care.

And no, I would not give up. Life is precious and I will not let go of even one second of it. You have much more power over your life than you realize. Best wishes to you, dear.  

Answer 4

id stop wallowing in self-pity, stop posting the same long question all the time, get off my butt and go outside and live before i wake up one day and realise i wasted my whole life wallowing in self-pity

Answer 5

Wow, you've got your hands full with these problems. If it were me, I would never give up until I got what I needed to be happy.  You sound as if 30 is so old, and it's too late for you to do anything. That is not true, you're still relatively young.

You have got to summon the courage to make a move. Do it soon. Stop focusing on the worst of your situation and try to focus yourself on positive. It's all in your hands, nothing anybody else says matters.

Answer 6

It's called Victim Mentality.

You see yourself as a victim and blame everyone except yourself.

STOP BEING A VICTIM.

Your choices in life put YOU in this specific situation.  The only way to move forward is to realize that you are in control.  Not your mother, or someone from 10 years ago.

Take control of your life and stop letting things happen to you.

Answer 7

Fight on to achieve the life you want.

Answer 8

If you have the ability to recognize what the problems are, and explain them so well to others, you have hope. Plenty of it.

Know that it will probably be the most difficult thing you've had to do, in a life that's already been difficult. Understand that you'll have to do it on your own; there will be some people there to support you, and far more to tell you it's impossible, but in the end, you'll do it on your own. Recognize that nothing will change as long as you keep doing what you've been doing; the past does not exist and the future isn't here yet. All you have is right now. Get it done. Fear absolutely no one and nothing, especially failure, and accept that you WILL likely fail many times over. Learn from it and keep going.

Then resolve to fix one little thing at a time. Start with the most serious and important thing, which in this case, sounds like your mental health situation. Listen to your doctors and therapists, take your medications. Then take the rest one small step at a time. Don't look at how high the mountain is, look at how short the next step is.

Also, remove the negative words from your vocabulary. Words like: can't, won't, suffer, horrific, etc. Banish them. I'm not kidding. Also, CROWD yourself with the people who can help you achieve your goals and BANISH those who will drag you down. Do it.

At 30, you are in no rush. Tomorrow can be a little better or a little worse; it's your choice. You're lucky to have that choice. Believe that.

And, so you know where I'm coming from, I came into this world with a severe birth defect and was born into a psychologically and emotionally dysfunctional family. I've been bullied, pitied, and discriminated against since day one, and I am prone to rage and depression myself. Have been all my life. Today I have a college degree, a wonderful wife, a good job, and a beautiful home.

You can get whatever you want. Just refuse to believe that you "can't." I see hope, and so do you. You just don't know it yet.

Good luck. Now get busy.  : )

Answer 9

Dear Foxy Wanderer. Fight on of course. You seem a very determined person.

You have a great way with words so I was wondering if you fancy a game of internet Scrabble. I have been playing people all over the world and have made lots of new friends. It is easy to set up if you want to send me your email address. Our turns can be taken at any time-so games can be as short or long as you like.  

Answer 10

dont give up if u wanna do computer then go to school

and work out get strong and go find those bullying and kick there candy@sses get even show em ur better and dat nothing and brownMan mean nothin can bring u down

and get a hobby while ur in skool like sports to get ur mind off of everything

Answer 11

if i were you I would sign up at the community college near you and take some classes to better my life. there you could meet new people and build a future. anybody can go there with anykind of disability. there are government grants you should qualify for so it shouldn't cost you a thing. you need to put your past behind you and live for the future.

good luck

Answer 12

It sure does sound like you're stuck, dude, but remember, the only REAL thing that's holding your back is your mindset.

There's no doubt you're depressed, and that will have you without energy or motivation. The only thing you can do to get energy is move, DO something. My first suggestion to you would be to clean your apartment. Rearrange the furniture, make that flat SPOTLESS and beautiful, a place that you WANT to be. The most therapeutic thing about this process will be the actual cleaning, let yourself be enveloped by the simple motivation to make the space around you the way you want it to be.

Just remember to be tender on your ankle and not to try anything too heavy. Frustration is a normal feeling when you can't quite hack what you're trying to do because of an injury, perhaps ask your mother to come and offer moral support.

Another suggestion would be to stop focusing on your overall circumstance and frame of mind and start considering your emotions of the moment. There must be SOMEthing in your life that you enjoy, be it eating a nice meal or reading a good book or watching a movie or whatever.

Finally, it sounds like you need to be around people. If you're bad at making friends or socializing in general, a good idea would be to volunteer in a social environment (but not a position that would hurt your ankle). Maybe go to a local soup kitchen and serve the needy? You could even sit down at that job, and it might give you some perspective.

You've got family, shelter, and a system that recognizes your need and sends you money for food and healthcare. Things are far from hopeless for you and you are far from alone.

Answer 13

Yes, I have fought the fight and WON!!!

At one time, I was diagnosed with TWO severe mental illnesses.

Talk about being stigmatized....not only was I stigmatized, but brutalized by police (because at the time, I was confused and said I thought they were demons), almost killed I don't know how many times by allergic reactios to psychiatric medicines, treated like a prisoner in hospitals, had my son commit suicide, had cars catch on fire while drivine, had my house burn down, attracted abusive relationships, which I stayed in until the last one almost killed me 9 times, was robbed, had my car stolen....let's see...that's just for starters....even now, I have to go see a neurosurgeon next week because they found something on a brain scan.

But I strongly believe in God, and knew there had to be some reason for all this. I kept persisting, learning to solve one problem after another. And that's how it was for a long time...I'd get one problem or tragedy solved, only to have another take it's place, My own mom told me if she'd had my life, she would have killed herself. (And she's a mainstream Christian).

But luckily I was born stubborn. I eventually saw all these things as "opportunities" to develop. In learning to solve all those problems, I have learned SO much in life that I wouldn't have learned if I had not had to overcome so many difficulties. So the first step is not to get overwhelmed by the problems, or focus on them, but to realize that in order to learn, just like in school, you have to learn to find a solution for what is bothering you. Nobody can tell you the best way to do that, as we are all different. But you might want to start on what is bugging you the most first. Focus on one thing at a time.

Once you "master" that problem, life might bring you another one. Focus on mastering that one. Once you have learned to solve enough problems, you'll start to have confidence you can handle anything....and you will see yourself as a strong individual, able to overcome anything.

I am finally living out my dreams, no longer plagued with problems. Yet, if I had the choice between an easy life handed to me, and the life I have had to overcome, I'd choose the harder path. Why? Because I've become more compassionate, am the strongest person in my family, have found peace on the inside, where nothing can destroy it, not even the thought of a possible brain tumor, and more and more, I find when I encounter another person, I have a lot of empathy and insight because I have been in their shoes.

Just like someone who gets paralyzed and learns to walk again, despirt the odds, is a great inspiration to us, so are others who overcome what life throws at them.

So basically, you're asking: If I were parazlyzed, should I try to find a way to start walking again, or just sit in a wheelchair for the rest of my life becuase somebody told me I'd never walk again?

You WILL find a way if you keep at it, get determined to find one, and you'll be surprised that once you decide to overcome, the answers will come from all srots of amazing places!

Hope, Joy, and Love to you,

Peggy