If you were me, Would you find this okay? Also, Brother-inlaw problems?

Question

Okay.Well, my sister just passed away from a tragic accident. She left a 9 year old daughter, who is very close with me, and a husband. Casually, she calls me because of puberty problems [Pubic hair, here and there, Discharge]. She cannot talk to her father about this, she feels to "Awkward" talking to a man about "women" problems. I feel totally normal. Also, I have another question. Her father went alchoholic when his wife passed. He started drugs, and drinking and leaving her alone around 11pm until 6/7 am so he can go to a club. I was thinking of letting her move in with me, because we have a spare room and we'll buy her anything really. Should I myself take custody of her or should i let her go with another relative? She's very close with my boys, and myself. I do NOT want to leave her there with a drunk father on drugs knowing he can hurt her in any possible way.PLEASE help for both answers.

Answer 1

You should talk with your BiL(Brother-In Law) about caring your daughter. Your daughter needs to move to your side cuz I think that alcholic vs. unity. Ugh... I think you should talk or move i think.

Answer 2

I really suggest you take her in. Shes obviously already got a great bond going with  you so thats a definent plus. Not to mention her well being is in danger with an alcoholic father whos on drugs. Its in the best interest of the child to have her move in with you. Good luck =]

Answer 3

you say your sister passed away recently, your brother inlaw is upset and killing his pain with the drugs and alcohol, tell him he needs to straighten up for the sake of his daughter otherwise you will be calling the authorities and have her taken away from him.

Answer 4

yes do it,you can't have her live in that environment but if her dad wants to visit with her then you should do that since he deserves to see his daughter and I'm very sorry to hear about your sister.

Answer 5

You should let her move in with you. If he is drunk, it can get violent in more than one way...she would feel the most comfortable with you.

Answer 6

yes please try to get her  there might be more to the drinking and druge than you think he might bring friends over that are worse than he and they  you nveer know what kind of perverts  people bring around and you dont wont anything to happen to your sisters gril  i know i wouldnt if that happen to my family  i wish you good luck and your nice needs someone now worse than ever now

Answer 7

talk to your brother in law. Tell him you are all hurting but he need to straighten up for his little girl who just lost her mom! If he is not willing to do so tell him you will call the authorities to have her legally put in your custody. if she is close w/ your kids and feels comfortable enough to ask you these questions, she trusts you and would want to live with you.

Hopefully once you talk to your BIL that he will smarten up because he wont want to lose his daughter after already losing his wife. Sorry for your loss and good luck with everything else.

Answer 8

The "girl problems" and coming to you is fine.  My best friend's mom died when she was nine and she is very close with her aunt (her dad's sister-in-law).  I think it helps her ease into the transition of losing a parent, esp. a mom when she was so young.

As for moving her in, my gut says yes.  A child's safety should always be number one.  You may, however, want to get the viewpoints of your family (such as your parents), husband, children, and possibly the fathers family.  If needed, take him to court...try to avoid this though as it may traumatize the daughter.  

P.S. Ask the girl her opinion on what she would like...that is the most important opinion you'll ever know!

Answer 9

It sounds like you are looking for reassurance that you are doing the right thing?  If that's what you are looking for, I would say that you definitely are!  I have several young nieces and cousins, and with their mother's ok have been there for them to talk to if they so want.  The difference is your sister isn't there for the ok, and from what it sounds like, even if your niece wanted to talk to her father he sounds unavailable emotionally for her.  

As for the question of the father... It would probably be best if you took custody, if you are able, before Child Services gets involved and she ends up in the system.  Or worse yet, something happens in the middle of the night while she is alone!  I think if you financially, emotionally and physically can take in another child that sounds best (she won't be exposed to his nonsense and you won't be worry so much about her and will be able to give her the love and care a young girl needs).

Answer 10

its good to talk to her about that and you should act like a mum to her since hers is gone.

i would have her move in and talk to her dad when he is sober about her moving in and maybe he will wake up to himself once he finds she is gone too.

god bless

Answer 11

Definently. I have alcoholic relatives and being around them is scary and you never know what to expect. The best thing for her is to be in a more stable living place. And whether that's with you or someone else is your decision. You have to think if you're ready. But if she's close with you and your family, why not? It's best for her. Things arent going to be all happy at first but thats considering the situation. It'll get better. Also try and see if she can live with you until her dad gets better. My best friend has lived with her sunt her whole life because her dad died of overdose and her moms unstable. She says as much as she loves her mom, she feels happier and safer with her aunt. So it's a good move if things are really bad. The only other thing I suggest is if she's moving away from her dad and not with you make sure its with people shes confortable with. Not some random family, that will just make it harder. Hope I helped.

Answer 12

i would have her move in

Answer 13

you can't just take her. There are legal issues. Talk to your BIL and let him know that you know he is having a hard time and offer to take the daughter for a while. If he does not agree then it is time to talk to childrens services if he is doing drugs and leaving her alone

Answer 14

I'm so sorry about your sister.

I'd take custody ASAP!!! You wouldn't want to take the chance of something happening. Also think of your sister. What would she want?