If you were not married, would you give your baby your boyfriend`s last name, or yours?

Question

I am really having a hard time with the baby naming thing. My boyfriend insists that I use his last name for our baby, but I really do not want to! I feel that he can choose one name, I can choose one name, and then we should use a double barrel last name. That way it will be fair and square! But he is getting really nasty about this, and I am very strong willed, but also really scared that he will be mad at me for the rest of my life if I dont do as he requests. I am willing to change the last name the day that I marry, but that could still be a few years.

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

It came out of you right?

If it doesnt work out and u dont end up getting married...

I would just have it keep yr name.

Answer 2

if you nd your boyfriend r gonna get married or if he's was there for you name him with his last name but be careful cause if he has his fathers last name he could easly get custidy of your child....so do what you think is right for you and your childs future

Answer 3

It is traditional for un-married mothers to give the child their last name, hiwever in practice most give the child their partner's last name as they plan to take it if they marry and then they won't have to also change the child's name.  I think legally it is your decision not his.  You could go for a double barrelled last name.  If I got pregnant I think I would give it my boyfriend's last name but that is simply because I hate my last name.  

Answer 4

If u are intending on marrying this guy then it's a little bit unfair on your baby swapping his/her name after a few years as they prob won't understand why. So if u intend on using his surname eventually then it's a bit pointless putting up a fight and maybe u are just doing it so that u can have ur way. If it is that u don't want to marry him then it makes things more difficult. My son has his dad's surname and we have now split up ut he is still his dad and i cannot change that no matter how much we don't get on. It's just a matter of thinking what is better for ur kid and not what makes u feel better!!!

Answer 5

Give the child your name, he can't be mad at you forever.

And plus as long as it is not the first name you can change it later or do the hyphen thing with two last names

Good Luck

Answer 6

Give the child your last name...especially as your boyfriend is being a jerk about it.  If you give in now he will figure that being a jerk is how he can get what he wants.  Fear should never be the reason why you make decisions.

Besides, most of the answers to your question are making the assumption that if you were to marry him you would take his name, but this is becoming more rare as women embrace their own identities outside of the patriarchy.  When my husband and I married we both took a joint last name, and any children we have will also have this joint name.

And if it makes you (and him) feel better give the child your name now and change it should you decide to marry and change your name(s).  This is easily done.

But under no circumstances should you bow to his will simply because he is being nasty.  Because you are not married the law supports whatever you choose to do.

Answer 7

If you're planning on getting married, use your last name and his last name.  But, if you aren't planning on getting married explain to him that the baby will get you last name.

Answer 8

I would give the baby my last name.

I agree with you, why not make a compromise? I don't think he will get mad at you for the rest of your life, but he should understand you are the one carrying the baby for 9 months!!

Maybe give the baby the same initials? Or he can choose the first? (or middle)

Good luck & Congrats!

~Julie

Answer 9

My boyfriends because he is still the father of the child and you may get married one day.

Answer 10

I don't think it matters if you and the boyfriend are together or not, he is still the childs father and he child needs to have his last name. I gave my son his fathers last name BEFORE we were married. Even if we had never got married it would have made no difference to me.  

Answer 11

Both names (double barrell)

Answer 12

I think you should probably use your boyfriend's last name for your baby. If you want to give him your surname as well, you could always use give him two middle names, the second of which being your surname. That way it will be fair- you each choose one name, and you each get to give your baby your surnames.

Hope it helps!

Answer 13

The custom in some other countries is to use the mother's name as the middle name and the father's as the last name. I am from Brazil and this was my case. My parents were not married when I was born, but that wouldn't change their decision anyway: one first name + middle name (mother's) + last name (father's). I know it's not the way it's done in the U.S., but it may work in your situation. I wouldn't combine both names because I don't like long or hyphenated names. If your partner is too difficult about this, I suggest you two bet on love and get married. You guys are a family now anyway.

Answer 14

If it were a long-standing relationship I didn't see ending anytime in the near future, I would use the boyfriend's name.  If I were with him a shorter time, like less than 2 years or something like that, I'd probably give the baby my name.

Answer 15

Ask him to marry you.

:)

Answer 16

HYPHENATE IT!!!!! My mother did that and my father isn't even around and I feel so awkward with my last name because i don't belong with the rest of my family it feels like, that is why next year i am getting my mothers last name added on when i turn 18.  Unless if you are going to get married would be an exception.

In case you don't know what i mean by hyphenate: Ex. John Smith-Jones

Answer 17

My sister had the same problem. When she had her first little boy she had decided on the name Zak but couldn't decide on our name or the father's. He wanted his, but she wanted ours. In the end she stood her ground, and named him with our surname.

It turned out that the father never intended to stick around anyway, so it was a good thing.

If he is getting angry, and you think he will be mad at you for that long, do you really want your child with that name? If he can prove he really loves you enough not to mind, then just wait until you get married to change it. I think that's perfectly fair.

Good luck with whatever you decide.  

Answer 18

If you two are going to get married eventually anyways i would say just give your baby his last name.If you give the baby your last name, Its going to be a even bigger pain changing it after you guys get married you have to go to the courthouse and pay money and everything. If your with your boyfriend then i think there should be no dought your baby his last name, i don't understand why it wouldn't.

Answer 19

Traditionally, the baby gets the mother's last name if you are not married.  You're not making this up - it's how it works.  In fact, many states will not ALLOW you to give the baby his last name if you are not married.

There are a lot of cultural and legal reasons for this, but it's not something I'd try to bunk the trend on - baby gets your last name.  If he's got an issue about it, he needs to realize that he's not your husband and he doesn't have that kind of naming right in our society.