If you were to adopt, would you chose a baby that looked like you or your family or would you take any baby?

Question

This is NOT a racist question. I'd been thinking about it and I'd want our adopted baby to look like us a bit. I think it would be easier for him/her to adapt and feel more like a part of the family. I would love any baby inconditionally but I'm worried about what would actually be best for the baby... What do you think? Please help I want the best for our would be son/daughter. If you've adopted a baby that doesn't look like you or your spouse/partner was this a good experience? did it work or did you have dificulties because of it. Thanks!

Answer 1

I would adopt a puppy instead

Answer 2

I would pick a baby that matched our family... I think the would make the transition easier for everyone... I don't think you are wrong in wanting that...

Answer 3

well see i was adopted and my mom just took me because she loved me i guess.  she wasn't trying to match me to her family but everyone is always like OH MY GOSH U TWO LOOK SO ALIKE!!! and my mom goes AND SHE WAS ADOPTED. and they're like NO WAY!!!!

Answer 4

any

Answer 5

I understand your question.  I have put a lot of thought into it for ourselves as well.  Hoever, we have decided that it would be ok to have a child that did not look like us and we will have to be prepared to raise this chld as an equal and let them FEEL like an equal as best as we could.  We are prepared to take classes that address this issue as well.  Good luck.

Answer 6

I personally would adopt the child most in need of a home.

I know several people who have adopted without regard to race and I find that the children don't really have a problem adjusting.

Answer 7

i would adopt any baby they all deserve to be treated well and i dont care of color i love children i would be firm not strict. but u can make up ur own mind a baby is a baby they grow up by the oparent not what they look like so adopt one that looks like it needs a home

Answer 8

i'd want one same colour skin and hair so it wont feel odd one out and deffo a baby boy

Answer 9

Well Delina...I'd adopt a baby no matter what they looked like, because I was adopted and I look absolutely nothing like my new guardians...adoptive family. I'd do it, because out there ...there are at least millions of children with out parents and homes, wish I could take them all in. So do what your heart wants ya to...wether its a baby that looks like you or a baby that doesn't. Eiter way all that matters is if you love him or her, black, white or whatever...just remember to love them lots and show it.

Answer 10

I agree with you

Answer 11

i would take any baby, that God chose for me. it wouldnt matter the race. besides you cant have one that looks like you , with out the two of you making him or her.  resemble yes, but i dont think the baby would be that picky. i would chose a baby that stole my heart, and one that desprately needs a good home over skin color.

Answer 12

I would take a baby that needed love!

Answer 13

I was adopted 43 years ago to the best parents a kid could ever ask for! When the nuns from Catholic Charities called my platinum blonde, baby blue eyed mom and said, "we have a baby girl for you mrs...", "but she has dark hair and dark eyes...", my mom said,"I dont care if she has green hair and green eyes!!!..." You see it didnt matter and  i'm eternally grateful for that!

Answer 14

First of all you need to think of what would be best for the whole family. Would you, your spouse or family members be "bothered" by adopting a baby of a different race or simply one who looks different? Of course adopting a chid who looks nothing like you will raise questions not only from friends, family, strangers but from the child. Are you planning on explaining to the child that you adopted him/her? If you dont care i dont think it really matters as long as the child is loved. Some think it would be hard to raise a child who is a different race but i think as long as you love and are honest with that child the turn out will be great.

Ps. if you do adopt a child of a different race please be sure to read up on culture/history to share in that with your child. Good luck!

Answer 15

I don't hear your question as racist at all and it's really too bad that you have to preface it with that. Most people who want a baby assume that they will get pregnant when they want to and will have a biological child. Most people who adopt a baby do so because they can not get pregnant and they want a baby. Adoption is a wonderful way to form a family. Many people feel that it would be "easier" if the child resembled them in some way and I think, in our society today, they are often right in that assumption. It isn't necessarily related to race either, but it could be just easier for the child if not everyone automatically knows that he/she was adopted. My own story involving adoption is actually pretty unusual. My husband and I decided to adopt a baby and assumed it made sense to ask for a Caucasian child since that's what we are. We met the birth parents and we took home our beautiful baby. We feel in love and were very happy. When the social worker came for a routine visit a few months later, she told us our child was multi-racial and asked "if we still wanted to keep him." You can only imagine how that question made us feel. It turns out that the birthfather was a different man than the one we had met, and we had been lied to. None of this mattered to us except it did make the adoption finalization more tricky and less sure because we needed to get a release from the REAL birth father before our child could become legally ours. Our son is nearly 12 years old now and everyone always knows that he was adopted just by looking at our family. It is not at all difficult but, it does present him and us with different issues than we anticipated when we first looked into adoption. We are sensitive to being sure he has role models that look like him and that we live in an area where he isn't singled out for his race. I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and him and our world and I wouldn't have it any other way and I certainly wouldn't want any other child! Good luck!

Answer 16

I’d have no problem having a child that doesn’t look like me. A child doesn’t always have to resemble their adoptive parents. In a sense many that want it, it’s like their trying to pretend that this child is biological theirs. Or they don’t want people to know they adopted because  they are ashamed that they could conceive a child naturally.  I’m adopted bi-racial and my family is white, though I was teased as a child, I was never teased over me being bi-racial and both my parents being white.  You even see this is egg and sperm donation couples who go this route seek a donor who resembles their partner who cant use their egg or sperm.

Answer 17

I have an adopted son, I also have two birth children. My son is mixed black/Samoan.  I am heintz57 & sorta carmel colored, my husband is 1/2 Polish-jewish & 1/2 Irish. My kids are 1 Irish white, 1 golden & 1 brown. A friend of mine thought my very white daughter was the one who didn't belong when he first met us- LOL! My son says he feels just fine about his family though we always wondered at people who would ask us when we were going to tell my son he was "different"-  

Follow your heart & just know that if you adopt a child of color, racism (your own & everyone elses) will need to be addressed.

Answer 18

I have never adopted but I don't think you have to have a child that looks like you for it to feel loved. No one looks exactly like their family and that doesn't matter, as long as you provide a loving home.

My youngest sisters father is African American and our mother is caucasian. She doesn't look exactly like the rest of my siblings, but that doesn't make her feel like she doesn't fit in.  Families are SO much different now than they were just 20 years ago. Most people don't think of "Leave it to Beaver" families as normal any more.

I know the adoption process is a long and hard one, if you and your husband really want a child, don't specify what kind. The baby will grow up to be the kind of person you raise it to be, and that's all that matters.

Good luck with everything, and enjoy your future baby!

Answer 19

I think that it really doesn't matter. Of course like you said you would love the baby inconditionally. Now a days there is a lot of interacial marriages, just like mine, so I know my kids are going to look different than one of us.

Answer 20

i would take any but thats just me

Answer 21

I wouldnt care...in fact I saw a baby girl today and she was very very red headed...she was soo cute but her Mother was the most awful thing you ever saw! Really rough and swearing and scruffy...and I thought...if she were to give that baby to me I would give her a better life.....I have black hair and so does my husband....I know I shouldnt say these things...but I couldnt help it...this innocent baby with that awful woman!

Answer 22

I would adopt a baby that needed a good home and the oppurtunity for a good family.

Answer 23

I think I'd personally have one that looked like us, same skin colour and that, Not racist but for the same reason as you. I'd need it to feel like a real part of us, and i wouldnt really want to be reminded every timee i look at it that its not really.

Answer 24

Well, I started the process of adopting a boy almost a year ago and we took him home a few weeks ago. He's an angel. It wasn't a question of looks, as we didn't know what he looked like when we started the process. We just knew his mother. We felt drawn to him...well, I mean his mother. He was adopted as a newborn. I know it sounds cheezy, but I think it was meant to be. If you look at one question I posted, my two daughters both have strawberry-blonde hair and violet eyes. My son has blonde hair and blue eyes. He looks like the rest of us in all honesty. He has the same face as Teagan and Tessa (my daughters). Teagan was recently born and looks like Tessa looked when Tessa was a baby. But, like I said, we were drawn to John's mother, somehow. I don't think that if he looked different, he'd feel "out-of-place"...What's best for the baby isn't always what the rest of the family looks like, but that the child is going to a loving home.

xXo

Answer 25

Probably any baby if it were healthy and cute!  But do what will make you the happiest.

Answer 26

all depends on what you think is best for the child you're going to adopt

Answer 27

well i have two of my own, ages of 12 and 10. me and my husband have been together 10 years and we have been trying for 6 to have another baby and cant. so my opinion is it wouldn't matter cause no matter what,  in the future that child is going to love you even more just because you chose that baby, so it shouldn't matter.

Answer 28

I agree with you. I would love any baby brought into my home, but if I had the choice I would pick one (as best as you can predict from knowing about the parents) that would have the best chance of looking like the rest of the family. Kids notice the differences and it is another hurdle for them to overcome—and they can..

Answer 29

Delina this is very serious issue. But i agree on adopting someone with similar characteristics of your heritage. IT would be hard to adopt a baby that is totally different from you. It would be best for the baby and for his future family to have much things in common.

Answer 30

I would take any baby of any ethnicity.

My husband is hispanic, and is adamant against adopting a baby of another race.  

I am caucasian of European descent, and I think that people of other races (black, asian) are absolutely beautiful,

but my husband can't get past a baby having markedly different features than us.  (white with brown hair)

Answer 31

I would take any baby. If it turned out looking like our "natural" child might then that would just be iceing on the cake...but I would be thrilled to have any child. That is just a matter of personal opinion though, I don't nessecarily think it is "wrong" to want a child that looks like you and your spouse...it might even be a bit easier on the child growing up.