If your 16 year old daughter.?

Question

Came up to you and said "mom, dad, i have a boyfriend, and i want to have s*x with him".

How would you react? Boyfriend is 16 too, so no stat rape.

TBH i'd wanna meet him first, because i'm the protective daddy like that, but i'd just give her a few condoms, and let mom explain about birth control.

Answer 1

IDK...I sure didnt even consider talking with the folks about that one.

I really doubt my daughter will tell me either.

Answer 2

I don't have kids, but I would be very glad that she felt she could be so open with you. Just make sure she knows how to play safe.

Answer 3

Take her to get on the pill. Tell them to use condoms. And I agree with you meeting the guy. You should definitely tell her to have him come over to meet you two.

Answer 4

I agree with Loren is just plain Borin'. In addition to what most of the other posters have answered, I think it's a good idea to discuss why she wants to have s*x - and let her explore her reasons, her expectations, and think about what things might be like afterwards. It seems your daughter already has a good head on her shoulders for even coming to you and being open and honest about wanting to have s*x. You just want to make sure that she's being open and honest with herself as well.

Without knowing the real situation or the people involved, it just seems to me that if you have not met her boyfriend yet, that she mustn't have been with him long. It is possible that she is feeling pressured to have s*x, without her realizing it - peer pressure, pressure from him, from the media, even pressure from herself. Does she just want to have s*x to experience it, or does she want to have s*x because she really cares for the boy she's with, or for some other reason?

I don't know why, because I don't think the idea ever came from my parents (I don't recall my parents ever discussing s*x with me), but as a teen I got it into my own head that I only wanted to have s*x when I was with someone I truly cared about - and when I was able to deal with any consequence on my own (pregnancy, emotions related, etc.) I didn't want s*x to be something I regretted because I rushed into it or picked to have it with someone who wasn't going to be in my life. I also thought that if I had a strong relationship with a boy in school, and it really was the kind of relationship I thought it was, if I waited until I was older (and not a minor) he would still be there.

I know I'm the very rare exception - having found a boyfriend at age 13, was still with him at 16, with him through-out college, got married, and we're still together in our 30's.  We actually waited for marriage - not for religious reasons, or any concrete reason, we're not really sure why we waited - it just seemed right for us and it's what we both wanted. We don't regret waiting at all.  It may not be right for everyone. But I strongly feel that people should wait until it's really "right" for them with the "right" person (whatever age that may turn out to be - whether they end up married to that person or not). And that means really delving into the "why" and figuring out what you want and what you expect from it and what you need from your partner and what you hope to give and what you hope to get, etc.

Most people I know who had s*x young (before college and even during) have regretted it. So, I would want my daughter to really think through things before deciding to have s*x. And make sure she's not going to regret it later, especially if things don't turn out like she imagines.

I always tell people, when they ask my advice on relationships and such, that you really have to listen to yourself. You can think things through logically, weigh pros and cons and come up with a course of action, but sometimes your gut will still twist and warn you that things just aren't quite right.  Sometimes your gut reaction seems right, but your head thinks of tons of reasons against what the gut says. And then you also have to listen to you heart, which sometimes give you different answers from your head and your gut.

It's when all three (head, heart, and gut) are truly in accord that you are most likely making the right decision for yourself.

Answer 5

I have an 18-year-old daughter and I guess I shouldn't be too worried. She has male friends but never has had a serious boyfriend. Apparently, she's seen by them as "being one of the guys". I'm not too sure as how to take that.

Answer 6

I would also want to meet him, just to make sure he wasn't totally creepy or scary. But I agree, you cannot stop teenagers having s*x. Lord knows parents try, but you really can't. All you can do is make sure she is sufficiently informed, and then do your best not to think about it.

Although I would probably leave the talk about birth control options to mom, I'd advise you as the dad to talk to her about STDs. Be graphic. That way, when they try to have s*x, she will be forced to remember things her dad said. Thinking about her dad and s*x in the same breath ought to be enough to put her off doing it for at least a few years. Nothing kills the mood like accidentally thinking about your parents!

Answer 7

I'll beat her if she ever says that. No, seriously, I would tell her I appreciate her honesty and feel honored that she is that comfortable around me to say that, and then say NO!!!!!

Answer 8

I would try to talk her out of it.  I would tell her every horror story I could think of and I would also tell his parents so they could do the same.  But if I thought she was going to do it anyway I would take her and get her on the pill...or I might lock her in the closet.  Not really sure...I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Answer 9

I would say 'no'.  I like teen girls as much as the next guy, but I must admit that may be too young depending on her maturity level.

Answer 10

I have a 16 year old daughter? Wow I gave birth when I was a year old...

No but seriously that sounds like the reasonable thing to do, what you said.

Answer 11

Good on you if only all parents were like you the world would be a better place

Answer 12

Well, if I had kids: PRIOR to meeting the boyfriend, I would sit her down at the kitchen table and first thank her for telling us.  Then I would tell her that although we think she is too young and perhaps she should rethink having s*x with him so soon, ultimately we have no control over what she is going to do, so we would just like to explain birth control to her (even though she has already probably learned about it in school).  Either myself or my husband would then quickly run out to the store and buy her several boxes of condoms (or probably more like TEN boxes), and we'd tell her that she must ALWAYS keep some with her at all times.  Then we'd explain to her that her boyfriend will probably eventually say to her "but condoms dull the sensation, lets have s*x without one this time", and that she should refuse to have s*x with him if he refuses to wear a condom.  We'd explain to her about stuff like pre-***, and how it can cause pregnancy, and that that is the reason why a condom must be worn during any sexual contact.  Then we'd make an appointment with a gyno and put her on the pill, and we'd then explain that even though she is on the pill, that they must keep using condoms in case of STDs.  

Answer 13

I would tell her that she had to be on the Pill AND use a condom. Otherwise it's too risky. I'd also highly suggest she not do it.

To begin with, if I had a daughter I wouldn't let her date under she graduated from High School.

Answer 14

Eventhough I am 18 I would fly off the wall and kick his ***.

Answer 15

I would say "Sweety, we definitely appreciate your honesty and welcome it at all times but it would not be smart to do that at this time."

Answer 16

it's the hormon's talking... If you even think about letting her do it. You've have failed as a parent.

Answer 17

Never give the child your permission. It is a good thing that she is open enough to tell you, tells me that she considers what you think and will quite possibly honor your feed back. Tell her you want her to wait and to strengthen her relationship with her boyfriend. If their relationship ends nothing lost. If their relationship lasts is all the more reason for the both of them to wait even longer and make to right day for it, marriage. They may not wait that long but you' ve at least given her good reason not to right now.

Answer 18

It sounds like you already know what you are going to do.

The answers you get will depend entirely on what peoples moral standings are. I personally am against casual s*x, although I am by no means a poster child for virginity (i lost my virginity at age 17, 3 days after I met him, however I am marrying him so I think thats an exception).

If you, as the parent, are ok with her having s*x with her bf, then make sure she is educated about it. DO provide condoms, maybe see if she would be willing to go on the pill or something.

I'm sure you know that your daughter is going to have s*x with him whether you like it or not, and nothing short of locking her in her room is going to keep her from having s*x. But since you are giving her permission to have s*x, I feel that if something bad does happen and she gets pregnant that you don't have the right to be angry about it (just my opinion).

Before you give in and buy the condoms, sit her down and ask her WHY she wants to have s*x with him. Make sure she is not going to get in a position where she regrets it later.  

Answer 19

Girl you better think twice!

Answer 20

Whoaa, hey at least shes being honest with you, tell her you appreciate that and do everything you do to protect her by not getting diseases or even worse, pregnant.

Answer 21

Well, you can't stop kids from having s*x.  The fact that the girl came and told her parents means they have a good relationship.  I would take her to get on the pill and give her condoms and have a long talk and make sure she wasn't having s*x in the back of 711.

Answer 22

Thank God I don't have any daughters because that question sent my heart racing!

I don't think there is a surefire answer to this one..I think you should just tell her that you don't think its best for her at this age and to wait and then tell her if her b/f really cares for her he will understand.

Then silently pray that your little girl will take your advice.

Answer 23

Well, first, I'd give myself a HUGE pat on the back and recognize that I'd done some good parenting somewhere along the line in order for her to come and discuss it with me.  

And then, I'd have to recognize her individual right, and make sure she had all the information and safety precautions I could muster.  

Clearly....I'm not a parent - so there are no emotional indicators for me....

Answer 24

I would warn her of all the consequences and see if I can get her on a contraceptive pill and some spermacide cream or foam and some condoms. I would also see if I can get some morning after pills for her. I would strongly suggest she wait until age 18 so that I am NOT made responsible for the raising of her child if she has one.