If your adoptive parents have a biological child after they get you, what special issues does that raise?

Question

I've never heard this discussed before. My sister was born a year and a half after my adoptive parents got me, and it was just the two of us growing up.

Answer 1

The lawyer who handled my adoption is a good friend of my sisters.  She has choose to go into family law, mostly adoption/custody issues, the reason, she was adopted.  Like many couples her parents could not have children, they adopted her, and two years later ended up having a little girl.  

The biggest issue she said she had growing up was jealous from her younger sister.  She was actually closer to her mom and dad and to this date still is.  Her sister said she always felt second and has and is still going through a rebel phase.

I think that we sometimes wonder how the adoptive child feels, when many times it is the biological child that feels insecure.  The parents will lavish more love on the adopted child so they do not feel "left out", but while doing this they push aside their other child.  Does that make sense?

Answer 2

My father was adopted into a family as the only child. He then ended up with two brothers who were biological children of his adoptive parents.

His parents always treated all of the boys the same and so it wasn't an isue.

A schoolmate of mine was also a member of a VERY large adopted/biological family. His parents devoted as much attention to each of the kids as can be managed with two parents and 7 children.

As long as the parents focus on how the children are unique for who they are, not how they came into the family it should work out fine.

Answer 3

I have heard different opinions on it.  Actually they say that adopting first and then having the biological child seems to work out better because when you already have a biological child at home and you adopt then the biological child might have issues with the adoption.  Does that make sense?  Anyways I have never heard of any huge problems with it.  Sometimes couples will try for years to become pregnant and then choose adoption and because they gave up on TTC they relax on it and it just seems to happen but they always seem to love the adopted child and the biological child just the same, atleast in the situations I have seen.

Answer 4

i dont exactly know what the question is you are asking but i think that would be awesome to grow up with a sibling and not alone. I grew up with a sister and i wouldnt have it any other way. I am sure your parents do not treat her any different to how they treat you and if anything you were chosen by them because they wanted you in their lives.... thats is pretty special! Well I think anyway!

Answer 5

I have three children. My oldest is nearly 20 and is my biological child. My middle child is 15 and was adopted when she was nearly 4. My youngest is 7 and is an IVF miracle. I love all of my children the same and don't really see much difference. I always say that my adopted child was my most difficult pregnancy. LOL I (and my husband) put so much time and energy into the process that it was as involved as a pregnancy. She is loved no differently than her brothers. My youngest has never known a family without his sister in it and he adores her. They are the best of friends. My oldest resented the attention she got when she first arrived in the U.S. and joined our family. He had been an only child for 8 years and would have liked to have kept it that way. Other than that, I see no difference from my own experiences. I hope this helps answer your question.

Answer 6

I don't think it really raises any.  

I actually hear of this happening so often, and I, in my own theory, think it is one of two things.  

1.) God wanted the adopted child to have a family so he held off on giving the parents a baby until they adopted a baby.

2.) When they stopped having s*x just for the purpose of getting pregnant, they were not stressed and started to enjoy the s*x again which, in turn, allows the bodies to produce correctly.  People that plan for children also seem to have more problems than people who make "mistakes"...but in the long run, it's better to plan them out and be careful :) I have had three beautiful unplanned children by mistake, my mistake, not theirs. Good luck!

Answer 7

I became a foster parent when I was 21 and we tried to have a child of our own for almost 7 years (with 3 miscarriages).  As soon as we decided to adopt the 2 children who were living with us (ages 4 & 5) then I got pregnant.  My son was born in September and the kids were adopted that February.  We call it our Insta-Family!  It was hard trying to raise a baby with 2 toddlers running around (with specialized issues to top that!) and never having ANY experience with the infant stage!  I was extrememly overwhelmed and then started having anxiety attacks (from post-partum I now beleive).  I think this had a big effect on all the kids because I didn't even want to leave my bedroom most days and would not answer the phone if it rang.  The kids are now 4, 9 & 10 now and the adopted (older) kids mention how the younger one gets more attention and able to do more.  I have to explain that they are at school all day doing art and having recess & gym with friends and can't do other things that he gets to do but they have their own things that they do.  We also try to get the little one involved in sports because he is stuck home all day and rarely even has friends to play with.  We did the same for the older kids when they were this age, but they seem to never remember.  Luckily we have the pictures to prove it...LOL!  They have so much homework at times now, that it is hard to get them involved in extra activities anymore.  I think that it isn't really the fact that the older kids are adopted as much as it is the age difference and they still want to be treated like babies sometimes.  I think it hard on the older ones not to be the babies anymore but that would also happen if they had younger siblings in a biological situation.  Every child is different and will be treated according to their likes and dislikes and shouldn't be compared to the other children in the home.  If your adoptive parents cose to adopt you then they love you and you are their child too.