If your family had been poor at the time of your birth, or if your parents were not married?

Question

Would YOU have preferred being permanently separated from them and adopted by a wealthier couple who perhaps could not have their own children but wanted children very much?

What are your thoughts on this?

(Note: I am not asking about abusive, drug-addicted parents, I'm talking about your own personal family)

Answer 1

My parents weren't exactly poor, but they didn't have a load of money.

Money doesn't make a parent, love does!!

I couldn't be happier being raised by poor parents. They gave me morals, kindness, love & raised me right. Better than being raised by a nanny in some rich girls world.

Answer 2

I grew up poor and would not have wanted different parents. Wealth doesn't automatically make good people or moral people.

Answer 3

My mother was pregnant when my parents got married.  They lived with my father's parents for 3 years while they saved money to build a house.  I have six brothers and sisters and oodles of cousins.  We did not have very much but shared everything that we had.  We all had summer jobs from the time we were 12 years old and were expected by buy our own shoes and clothes.  We all went to college or professional trade schools and are financially successful.  My parents will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary next year.

I shudder to think what I would have lost - my parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a rich family history that goes back to the early years of the US and Canada.  I was at risk to be "adopted out".  I thank God for my mother's and father's families who kept my parents together.

I am very much like my father, strong willed and relentless on pursuing our goals.  He helped me to channel that energy.  He also supported my interests in "non-girl" things.  Had I been adopted (back in the 50's), I am afraid that I would have been stuck with Ward and June Cleaver who would have tried to remake me into a nice compliant "lady".  I would have been lost without my dad who understands me so well.

Answer 4

It depends on how poor. There is nothing wrong with having humble beginnings. Some of the most motivated people have come from humble beginnings. If your talking about 3rd world poor, no food, no form of medical attention, then maybe adoption would be the best thing.

But on the flip side of that there are children who have been adopted by filthy rich families that have grown up to be usless to society in general. I often think they need a trip home for a good dose of humble pie.

Being married has nothing to do with it. Being a good, responsible parent is the key.

Answer 5

h**l no. <EOM>

Answer 6

Of course I'd rather stay with my family.  Money's nice, but we're talking about your PARENTS here.  Plenty of kids are raised by parents who don't have much when they start out.  How often I have heard couples talk about how rough it was in the beginning for them and their children because there wasn't much money. But, they speak of how happy they were as a family nonetheless.  

Many children grow up with parents who aren't married.  Some have parents who were married and divorce shortly after.  My stepchildren, for instance, have no recollection of their parents being together, as my husband and his ex-wife divorced when the kids were very, very young.  

People have money and people lose money.  People get married, people get divorced.  These are variables.  But the only constant is that your parents are your parents, richer or poorer, married or not.

Answer 7

my story is heavily laden with addiction and poor choices. money was a minor issue when they gave me up. i dont think that money is enough of an issue, unless it is a dire situation. usually they blame finances, but there is much more behind the story.

would i choose to be placed for only financial reasons? i would have to say no, there is more to life. i may have been a jerk because i couldnt have the name brands, like most teens, but i think i could see beyond all that. unfortunately my story doesnt begin or end with something as simple as money.

Answer 8

I think any child would want to be with their real parents rich or poor.   However if the parents are so poor they would be unable to care properly for the child then giving the child to the richer family would probably be safer and better for the childs physical well being.  

However, if i was the poor parents i would arrange it with the rich family that your still allowed to be part of the child's life.  That way the child knows you and as he grows up he would know you didn't just give him away and left.  he would see you gave him to someone who would also love him but could provide for him better.

if the rich parents feel like you being around all the time would be a bad idea then i would find a different family.  Kids are always gonna love thier real parents weather their poor or not..  So if your thinking about giving your child to a family who can finacially take care of him better then make sure your able to be a part of his life.  even if your just called auntie or uncle

Answer 9

No, if my birth mother had just been poor or unmarried I would of course had been happy to stay with her.

While she was neither drug addicted or abusive, she was, and still is, unable to parent a child, for myriad reasons.

Answer 10

My mother put me up for adoprion before I was born,  She forgot and when they came to get me she said no.... I often wonder what would have become of me had she let me go.  I know my life is worth a bit of c**p now....

Answer 11

I would want to stay with my family, of course!  In a cold water flat, on the streets, home is where Mommy is to a baby

Separating mother and child should not be undertaken as lightly as it is in the adoption business

Answer 12

actually my adoptive parent's were poor!.not when i was adopted but several years after.my dad was a social worker and my mother a teacher.they decided to move out of the "rat race" and become self sufficient in the middle of no where.after that we never had money,and struggled financially from then onwards,we ended up 9 kids in the family!. but despite having no money,we had a lot of fun and my mother was always at home for us,baking,playing games etc. when i met my birth parent's in 1999,i was envious of my half siblings for being raised with a reasonable amount of money,and able to do the things i had not as a kid.however,as time has gone by my birth mother has told me things that have made me realise how lucky i actually was!. allt he time my half brother/sister were growing up my birth mother was asleep all day,as worked 11pm-7am,and has no recollection of them as babies,when they first walked/talked etc. she didn't even take pictures of her son,so has only a few of him as a baby!.she was always tired and crabby(her words not mine),and the 2 kids really raised themselves.they are envious of ME that i had family dinners round the table,reading out loud together,sitting with popcorn and telling stories etc,going for family walks and picnics.at the end of the day it's not the material things a child remembers,it is the memories of childhood,and time spend with family.i didn't understand that at the time,but i do now.i can't imagine being raised with a mother who sleeps all day,and i feel sad for my bio siblings that they missed the experience!.

Answer 13

No, not at all. Money isnt everything and neither is marriage, it doesnt stop someone from loving a child if they done have much money or they arent married. It doesnt stop you from raising a very happy child, if anything it teaches the child to be appreciative of material objects instead of taking it all for granted.

Answer 14

My mother was unmarried, which was a big deal in the early 60s when I was born.  But she was from a very wealthy family.

My father was well-off, but wasn't ready to marry her, and was sorry about this later.  But as many of us know, adoption is a permadent 'solution' to a temporary 'problem'.

My afamily was lower middle class.  Money was ALWAYS a problem.  No vacations, no extras of any kind. Plus they were bad parents.

Reverse everything, and I would pick my natural mother, flat broke, over my adopters, had they been rich.

Yes, it would have been nice to have been wealthy as a child, but what I miss most about my mother growing up had nothing to do with money.

Answer 15

Yes

The reasoning behind this is that if you have been brought up in a socially lacking family you take with it a lot of personal anguish which you would have not if you would have been brought up in another family.

Answer 16

both of my parents were poor, on drugs and separated when i was born. they ended up getting a divorce. but, they always made sure i was taken care of and when one was really down and out they knew to give me to the other one. i may not have had the best childhood but i loved my parents very much and would not have traded it for the world. my point is i think that every child learns to cope with their situation and i believe whole heartily in loving your children. if you were to give your children to a home that was very well off and stable, but no love, it would be worse in my opinion. if a home has love it will be a prosperous situation. as in the words of the Beatles, all you need is love. happy new year!!!

Answer 17

My birth parents were "starving students" and unmarried when I was born.  They did what they thought was the right thing by giving me to a couple who was married and financially stable.

Turns out, not so much.  My arents were c**p parents.  They ended up divorced, bankrupt, and completely out of my life.  I am nothing like them and it sucked growing up.  Turns out I AM like my birth family.  In many ways.  

I try not to go there, but....  There are many times I've thought about what might've been if I'd grown up with them.  Yes, I'd have been "poor" in material things.  But I would've been rich beyond compare in love, compassion, family and understanding.

Answer 18

No I loved my parents very much and while we may not have been poor we certainly weren't wealthy.  But they loved me and I loved them in return.  Money cannot buy anyone happiness.

Answer 19

the sentiments of your blood-parents are more REAL than anything on the world.So this is my thought:poor parent+children=happiness.

Answer 20

That's a tough question.... As nice as being rich may be, I think any kid, as they grow up wants their real parents. The fact that they are poor does not mean they are not loving and providing for their child,

Answer 21

nope.

Answer 22

Actually, I was adopted by a well-off couple. My mother had a son (my older brother) from her first marriage, but she and my dad wanted a baby together, and they just couldn't have one. They got me, and everyone, including my brother, doted on me.

I am grateful to my birth parents, wherever they are, for giving me up. I have been unable to find out the reason, but I have some strong guesses based on where I was born and the time and the fact that my birth father was from a different country--I am fairly certain I know at least the why of my being given up.

The fact that my mom and dad had money matters not one whit to me--it just meant I always had what I needed when I was growing up. What does make me very happy is that they wanted me so desperately, and loved me instantly, and that I kind of cemented them as a family, as my dad decided he wanted to adopt my brother, too, when they went to court to adopt me.

This might sound silly, or hard to understand to someone who is not adopted, but I KNOW that I ended up in the family where I was supposed to be. I didn't come into it the normal way, but fate or God or whatever you want to call it made sure I ended up with the mom and dad and brother I was meant to have.

**EDIT**

And this is another thing which is hard for people to understand if they aren't adopted. I grew up with my REAL parents. The people who created me, my birth parents, aren't my real parents. My mom and dad are. They are the ones who changed diapers, who taught me to read, who sat up with me when I was sick, and who eventually watched me with tears in their eyes as I married my husband. People often ask me if I don't wish I knew my real parents. I do know them--they're the ones who raised me.

Answer 23

My parents weren't married, my dad left at a very early age in my life, and according to income standards---me and my mom lived in poverty. But from all of that, I would not change a thing. She was a great woman, raised a male child in the best way she could, and I'm grateful for it all. Sure it's easy to look back and play "what if" but there is also the oportunity for me to have my own kid/s and do things different if I want to.

Answer 24

Well, hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?

Answer 25

I love my parents and they love me.I wouldn't care about materialistic things.

Answer 26

Personally, I think my bmom would have regretted keeping me if she had and that would have screwed us both up (even more than adoption has).

But if poverty or unmarried parents were the only problem, then no, I'd rather stay with my own parents, thanks.

Answer 27

I have know many people that were what was considered dirt poor and their children really struggled to have enough to eat.  Many of them saw what could be done and made something of themselves and today live very well.  It is not so much of the wealth of the family as the belief that things can be better for the children and encourage them to achieve their goals.