If your giving your babies up for open adoption, how is the hospital stay? Do they get to stay with you?

Question

I hear people telling me that you cant stay with them while your in the hospital, i hear people telling me they can. Its Open adoption, and i want to at least stay with them in the hospital. The adoptive parents can come too, all they want.

Answer 1

Discuss it with your OB and they will develop a plan for you.  

In my case, they took all the mirrors out of the room.  I was in regular labor and delivery but did my recovery in the oncology unit so i wouldn't be around all of the happy moms and babies.  I was however, allowed to go to the nursery and see her whenever i wanted to.

talk to your OB -- they've worked with women in your position before and they will be very compassionate about your needs and wants during this process.

Good luck.

Answer 2

We had an open adoption with our son's first mom. Actually, in the hospital, the first mom is in charge of everything. Our son's first mom dictated EVERYTHING that went on in the hospital. I mean think about it. You just gave birth and it is your baby. You haven't signed anything saying it's not your baby, so nobody in the hospital or the adoption agency can tell you what to do with YOUR baby.

Our son's first mom wanted me and my husband to do everything after the baby was born, but she had to tell the nurses, doctors etc... that we had a right to do that. There were a few times she wanted alone time with our son. After she had alone time, she had to give the nurse permission to let us take him back to our room again.

You should have complete say in what goes on in the hospital at least up until you have terminated your parental rights. You shouldn't be terminating your rights until several days later anyways. That depends on what your state requires. Any adoption agency or adoption attorney that tells you any different is lying to you. I wouldn't work with anybody that tries to take control away from you in the hospital.

Answer 3

I was able to have as much interaction as I wanted you have that right I'm sure the family will understand after all you've carried this little kicking spinning thing for a while and would only want to see it and let it know that you love it too. I think it's good because if you don't you may question yourself later for not interacting with your baby. It's a hard time emotionally and on top of it your hormone level will have you so emotional on top of everything. It is still your birthing plan so make it with your OB, the baby isn't officially theirs until the judge says so and your sign the paper but I am sure they would understand.

Answer 4

I think the state takes the baby and gives it to the adoptive parents right after birth. You may get a few minutes to say goodbye but then there are some states that don't let the birth mother see her kid if she places it up for adoption.  Check with your state.

Answer 5

During my adoption process in 2000, I stayed with my baby girl in the hospital for three days.  The adoptive parents flew into town, but while we were in the hospital, they just visited.  You can choose however you would like.  Feel free to mail me if you have any other questions, good luck~

Answer 6

They took me directly from the labor room to the surgical ward so I wouldn't be around the happy moms cooing with their babies. It was all very traumatic.

Answer 7

Open adoption.... sure sure.... I hope your part of the 5% that agreement is honored with..

Answer 8

Our son "roomed in" with his mom while she was in the hospital.  

she was able to keep him with her, and breastfeed him, and we were allowed to visit. (We kept visits to a minimum, though... this was her time with him)

The adoption agency required her to physically abandon him (leave hospital without him) overnight, before she signed papers legally abandoning him so that we could adopt.

Answer 9

I work maternity and have seen many mothers having their babies stay with them after they give birth.  Your baby is yours until you sign papers relinquishing your rights.  So, you can do whatever you want with your baby.  

I know that in some places they still have the antiquated notion that you must be separated from your baby if you're giving it up for adoption.  If anyone tries to take your baby away (like for example the nursing staff) they are dead wrong and you DO have the right to have your baby with you every minute if you want and to even breastfeed him or her.   I've seen mothers doing this for the first few days, and I think it's really nice.  

You also have no obligation to have the adopting parents in the room during the birth or at any point afterwards if you don't want them to be there.  You are the mother of your baby and you run the show.  Don't ever forget that.

ETA:  Took the mirrors out of the room?!  Jeez!  Where is that I wonder?  As I said, I know that practices are still very old-fashioned some places, so be very clear that you have the right to do whatever you want.  In my area, we only move mothers to another floor for recovery if their baby has DIED...not for moms giving their baby for adoption.  That is so sad.

Answer 10

YES YOU CAN. When we adopted our daughter, we did this. Our daughter was born eight weeks early and stayed in the NICU but we were able to see her and so did the  birth mom. Go and talk to the hospital and your obgyn and tell them what is going on. Be honset. Our birth mom was up front and so that made it alot easier. So, ask and it should be ok. Like I said we did this with our daughter and NOONE had a problem with it.  I think they were more willing to do this since they saw that everyone was wanting to be involve.Good luck. If you need to know more you can email me.  [e-mail]

Answer 11

Why do you care if you are giving the child away anyway. I never understood these question. And YOURr baby til you sign them away? The child is never YOUR baby if you given them away

Answer 12

With me, I made it clear I didnt want to see the baby and I wanted to be separted from other birthing moms.  They let me do that.  However, after a few hours of having the baby, I decided to hold him.  I kept him in my room for a few hours then back to the nursery.  The next day I brought him in my room to say good bye.  The adoptive parents came after that to pick him up.  This was all MY wishes.  If you choose for them to be there the whole time, then do so.  You need to remember:  That is YOUR baby until you sign away your rights.  You should do whats best for you when it comes to seeing the baby etc...

Answer 13

One of the factors not discussed with me prior to the birth was discussing the health of your baby factor.  I was having a healthy pregnancy, and the birth process ended up being too much on my son so much so that he needed resusitating at some point after birth.  They kept him in the nursery for 48 hours under monitoring, so no I didn't get to stay with him during the hospital stay.  In fact, because of the adoption plan in place, the hospital staff didn't even notify me of what had happened until I tried insisting that I needed to see my son.  Even then I didn't get to see him until hours after the relinquishment signing.  =o(

Answer 14

Your baby is your baby until the papers are signed after the baby is born.

You can stay with your baby as long as you like and you decide when and if to sign the papers after you and baby have met face-to-face.  Nobody else should be telling you what do to with your baby before the pen is in your hand, please let anyone else into the driving seat on this.

They will hover over you and push and push, because they are afraid you will change your mind.  Take your time, and as much time as you need - this is between you and your baby, and you don't need to be worrying about anyone elses needs and wants - just yours and your baby's

Take care.  I hope the open adoption agreement is honored.  I've heard too many heartbroken mother's stories of broken promises of open adoptions to trust in them anymore

Answer 15

Honey, babies are such a precious gift. Keep your baby. There are soo many agencies that will help you. Your question makes it sound like you aren't sure, and being a mom myself, I know the bond that is formed over those 9 months. Now, I'm not anti-adoption. My husband and I plan on adopting in the future. But, don't make a decision because you feel you have to. Do it because you want to. And if you want a few days, or a lifetime with your baby, then it's your choice! Good luck.

Answer 16

If you are so interested in staying with your baby why don't you keep it?  Why don't you do what is best for your baby and try to raise it yourself?  Babies want to be with their mothers, they want to be with the person whose heartbeat they have listened to for 9 months.  They want to hear their mothers voice, the voice they have heard for their entire lives, when they need comfort.

Answer 17

from the adoptive parent side, when our daughter was born she was with her biological mother all she wanted.  we were just guests that were allowed to be there.  and it was the mother's choice wether or not we could see the baby.  

the rules of the hospital where our daughter was born was that the woman that gave birth had all the say and all the rights to the baby.  and you will.  they shouldn't keep you from your baby.  and even after papers were signed it was the mother that still had the right to see her baby and spend all the time she wanted with her.

the hospital was kind enough to let hubby and i have our own room though.  and it ended up with all of us hanging out for the night and bonding with one another and this beautiful child in the same room anyway, but that was the mother's choice.  i hope your open adoption works as well as ours has, we honor our end with visits and phone calls and letters.   we respected that she could decide to parent and that she have all the time she wanted with her daughter.  and the hospital was of the same thinking.  and we were glad for that.

i would call the hospital where you are to deliver and ask their policy.  legally though i believe that you are the one that has all the say in who and when they visit.

Answer 18

I think that depends on the hospital. Call them and ask how that works there.

Answer 19

I did an open adoption....I got to see her every day that I was there. I spent time with her and the adoptive parents....I said my goodbyes to her alone and it was an experience that I will never forget. To give your child a life to live happily is one of the most loving things a human soul can do. That is what you call unconditional love!!! That is a "MOTHER"!! You tell your doctor what you want this delivery and hospital stay to be like and they have to allow that...... don't take the bad remarks you get .... you have true heart....your child will love you for that!!

Answer 20

I agree with beegirl, Why don't you keep your baby. keeping your baby with you will be so much more in the best interest of the child than open adoption will ever be..

Trust me you will not regret it

Answer 21

I think it is wonderful that you are doing what you feel is in the best interest of your child. There are plenty of open adoptions that keep up their end of the bargain-its just that we don't hear about those. I would encourage to choose the adoptive parents carefully and if your not working with an adoption agency that lets you choose then find a different agency. If you feel like your being pressured to do things differently than you want-don't sign the papers until you are comfortable.

Good luck don't listen to all the negativity but do make sure you know all your rights.

Answer 22

You are still mom and can do what you want.  If you wish for your child to be in the room with you the whole time you are there then do it.

The pap's can visit, but you are MOM.  Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Answer 23

Until adoption papers are signed, the mother who gives birth makes all decisions about her child regardless of what kind of adoption it is.  Don't let anyone tell you any differently.  It is your decision how you want your birth experience to be, and you can have the baby with you as much as you want.  If you don't want other people there, tell them and your doctor well before the birth.  Ideally, you should have someone to be with you who is a family member or close friend who is not associated with the adoption at all.  That way you have someone to speak for you.

If this is to be your only time alone with your child as the child's mother, you should make the most of it.  After all, you will have alread bonded for 9 months.  Good luck and don't be afraid to speak up for what you need.