If your husband adopts your kids, what about divorce later?

Question

I see a lot of moms asking how their husband can adopt their children. I'm sure in some ways this helps a family, but I wonder what happens if you later divorce. Would the child always go to the mother, even if the father would be a better parent? I think if I were in that situation I would want to be the sole legal parent just in case the marriage didn't work. I am happily married, but at the same time I know about half of all marriages end in divorce.

Answer 1

The husband would be the legal father of the child rather than just a step-parent so would probably be entitled to at least joint custody.  Also if it was in the child's best interests they could get sole custody.  In most cases the mother would still retain custody for the majority of the time though.  I think the advantages outway this risk as long as the birth father is dead or happy to relinquish their rights for some reason (not ideal but happens).  It allows the father to have the same rights over the child as the mother and would help them to feel they were a "real" father.  Also any subsequent children born would be full siblings rather than half siblings.  My friend'd dad adopted her older brother who was his stepson from her mother's first marriage.  The first husband ran off when her brother was a baby and he never came back.  So he is biologically her half-brother but legally her full brother.  

Answer 2

Why get married to be divorced if you do you will?

Surely if what you focus upon you tend to get, wasnt what you meant but subconciously felt was, do I loose my own children when we divorce do I really like this man more than him caring for my kids if I die?

Sometimes I wonder about attitude, its not good or bad but rather focus I talk on?

The world is uncertain and we gamble whatever we do, there is a limit to how protective how certain how definite anything can actually be in life, I remember the words of a movie once, it said:

"It is easier to learn the highways and byeways of nine differenct countries than to ever get to know entirely one person?"

Give we dont know what values does this husband espouse? ie what critieria does he base judgements, ie what does he do in decision making and are you searching into a man fatherly figure hood or love in what you desired from a man who once chemistry wore off you would be left wanting doubting another man, or fear of rejection fear of losing him? Life is full of fears, its better to be moved in change not as reactory fear but curiosity?

for example, the man on the clapman omnibus was so frought with fear that upon his negligence claim of what a reasonable person would do it was found in a court of law his whole life was so frought with fear there was no rhyme or reason in the logic for why he should behave the way he did?

When we consider hope, surely, the questions we ask are not, what if I am not married, what if I become widowed but what happens whilst I am living with the man and does he either abuse, encourage the kids to achieve their potential attain the best they can be and be a great role model, is he a good provider?

You know, I truly believe it is rubbish that a man be a good provider just as much as it is rubbish women are gold diggers its neither and either or situation, every child has the right to achieve their potential to the best of any parents capacity to do it. We all talk affordability and in fact the whole economic market is floundering world wide as we teater on whether its recession or not?

Most families in statistical research overestimate their budget by 20% ie we all dont live with in our means, rather than telling kids we cant afford this or that I see parents saying, is this or that the best investment for you pocket money you earnt? I think family responsibilities are mutual and cooperative but not exclussive or ellusive but engaging and inclussive. Sometimes wives telling their husband they are independant makes it abuse, when the wife turns up on pay day and dirty washing days only?

I have hopes, that if the kids are not a guys own, the fact he cares compassionately for you first and foremost and secondly for your kids, and if you become blended with kids of your own and you take time away from work, that he provide what you cant as a team effort by rights over time would legally give him the same legal rights by precendent to care, unless excluded by anti men decision makers.

I think it honourable that you cared enough to worry about your kids first and man second, the fact you do shows dignity respect and decency to all and I commend you on it. But worry is a fear, a fear of not knowing, a fear of the unknown and a fear of lack of control, create a prenupt to include your control of your own kids as a practical reality for convenience and give him visiting rights should you separate, being more inclusive and engaging is definately the way to go but as far as way of advice to do with how you decide its really up to you, being accepting is the greatest mark of love you can give a partner but be aware we may not know those whom we think are closest to us?

Bye way of example my first regular date leading towards an engagement at age twenty one included a half sister where she had married the father of her husband with kids to each and ended up having sibblings legally drag out multi millions for years, with heaps of angst, just as the parable of the sower says, beware of what you become.

Caution is a good thing and I commend you for it, great question, but you be the one to decide and find out his why, what reason or reasons, and why do you think he is motivated by this to want to look after them, is it a life insurance policy? I would run scared! If not, no worries.

Answer 3

if your husband adoptd a child that was biologically yours he would still have visitation and pay child support because he leagally adopted them and said he would be their father.

if he was the better parent im sure he would have a fair chance at getting full custody of the kids. but you would know your spouse well enought to know that your children are well taken care of .

take a look at mine and tell me what you think plz:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

if you're already thinking of divorce.........

Answer 5

Don't let him adopt them if you think you might divorce him.

Answer 6

If the child was adopted by the co-parent, in the eyes of the legal system it would be the same as if the child was born to those two parents.

The custody procedures would be the same as for a biological child of the two people, and how the custody arrangement worked out would depend on the circumstances and the desires of those involved. Though custody arrangements generally do favour the mother, it wouldn't have to do with which parent was biological and which was adoptive.

If you want to remain the sole legal parent, the child can't be adopted by your spouse. The whole point of spousal adoption is for both to be the legal parents. Your husband can still treat your child as his own and love the child just as much, but from a legal standpoint, you should pursue adoption only if you're willing for your child to have a second legal parent-- because that would be the definition of this type of adoption.

Answer 7

I had friends of mine who were married and the oldest child was from a previous marriage of the mothers.  Although, the father never adopted the oldest child, he was awarded custody of him in their divorce as he was the primary care giver in all aspects and it was better for the child to live with his step father rather than his actual mother.  When asked in court who he wanted to live with and why - he simply stated that he wanted to live with his dad and gave the reasons why.

Answer 8

If a husband adopts kids, he has the same legal right to them that a biological father would after a divorce. I know someone who actually has full custody of his wife's kids (he adopted them).

Answer 9

If the husband legally adopts his wife's children then he would have the same rights as a biological father. Often in divorce cases, either the mother gets custody and the father gets visitation, or there is joint custody, however an adoptive father wouldn't have less rights then the mother just because he isn't a biological parent and she is.

Answer 10

If a husband adopts his wife's child it becomes a normal custody thing.   The none custodial parent has to pay support and everything.  

Answer 11

My husband and I adopted our son five years ago. We are now divorced and our son lives with me, but his father visits regularly (we live in different states). If I was to ever remarry, my new husband wouldn't be able to adopt my son because his father wouldn't give up his rights. I'm glad of that. My son would have a stepfather that he would call "Bill" or "Jim" or whatever, but not Daddy. That is reserved for the man who is his legal father. (We know nothing about his first father. The man named on my son's original birth certificate was later proven to not be his biological father.)

I think that even if my ex-husband did not have a relationship with our son or if (God forbid), he was to die, I wouldn't want my second husband to adopt my son simply because of the possibility of a divorce. My son already has four parents: his first parents, me, and my ex-husband. He doesn't need any more parents. Love? Sure. He'll take all he can get. But more parents? He has plenty.

Answer 12

The husband would become a legal custodial parent.  In the event of divorce, he would have every legal right to seek custody.  I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 4.  My parents never divorced, but he became my daddy.  The child would be put with whomever the judged deemed the better parent.

Answer 13

If someone spouse adopts their child then it is no different then if the child had been born to them. That child is now legally the spouse child too.  If that couple ever divorces it is no different then if they had natural children in their union and divorced. Custody would have to be decided, visitations, whoever did not have primary custody would have to pay child support. If the parents wanted to fight each other for custody then the judge would place the child with the parent that he felt was best. Unless the child was old enough to decide where he or she wanted to live primarily.

If you would be reluctant then you just wouldn't have your spouse legally adopt your child, that simple.  

Answer 14

It really depends on the divorce and the family.  Sometimes, if it is amincable, the parents can agree on the children and the rights they have to them.  Otherwise, you are right, the parents (adoptive or not) have equal rights and it is possible for things to get messy.  I would not have a second husband (or a first if I had a child before I was married) adopt my child.

Answer 15

If a man or woman adopts their spouse's child, they have the same responsibilities to that child that a biological parent would have.

Answer 16

My step father legally adopted me and to me he is my father in all respects, if my mother and him divorced i would still see him just as that.

It would be like any other case of divorce where the child is the biological of the husband. And so it should be, if my parents got a divorce i would not start to suddenly see my step-father as not my father..if that makes sense.  

Answer 17

Well they would have to decide on what custody is best for the children, its not always with the mother. If the children are adopted, then they are legally both of their children.Well, half of marriages may end in marriage, but i highly doubt that people marry and adopt the children with the thought in mind that the marriage will fail. Every marriage is different, and just because half fails, doesn't mean you should compare your marriage to anyone elses, failed or successfull.

Answer 18

I would just look at the divorce rates in the US and go with that. If you want to chance losing custody based on who has the best attorney or the attorney that a judge owes a favor to...I would suggest not allowing the new husband to adopt. Its not necessary and doesn't change anything.   The legal system isn't as ethical as we hope it to be. Nothing could be worse than losing your child to a closet pedophile or child abuser that you married. Look at the statistics on molestation and who the top perps are.  Step daddy.

Answer 19

The child would go to the more suited parent.

But in many cases, it is partial custody.

However, most custody does go for the mom.

Because the mother can provide a suitable living for the child,

and the father provides child support.