If your live-in boyfriend didn't know whether or not you were The One?

Question

My boyfriend and I live together, but we are pretty young (20 and 21) I know, we're crazy. Up until the past week or so, I've been very tra-la-la we're in looove, we're going to get married in a few years, have babies-- the whole deal.

I get very attached to parts of my life, and he has been something I've been VERY attached to for the past year or two. Then, he went on an 11 day trip- I've never been apart from him for that long. But, by the middle of the trip, I realized I was okay. I was fine.

And I think that's when I started to question everything. And I asked him if he felt like I was The One, and he is the most genuine, honest guy I know- he said he doesn't know. He said he can't possibly know that. That amazed me, and up until a couple weeks ago I would have been furious. But I admire his honesty, and to be honest, I'm not sure either!

How would you react if your live-in, long term significant other didn't know whether you were their One or not? Is it normal?

Thoughts....

Thanks~

Answer 1

Well, if the feeling is mutual your arrangement seems okay, but if you want something more serious then it is not okay. Be careful with men. Men will enjoy a non committing relationship forever. If you want a real guy, a real partner in life with all the trimmings-security, children and commitment look elsewhere.

Answer 2

That's right (above answer).  He's using you.

If you've been together that long and neither of you knows whether you're right together for the long term, the handwriting's on the wall (the message is clear).

Answer 3

some ppl just like to live one day at a time and take it as it comes all that fairy tale dreaming turns most guys off honestly, you're living together ok live in the moment further your career and focus on your life together right now stop planning the future unless he's already popped the question and you're planning your wedding date, guys don't want to hear about imaginary kids that just makes them think of how hard they're going to have to work to take care of them, right now life is good enjoy it

Answer 4

At least you know that you can live witout each other. That's a good start.

Answer 5

All guys might answer this question the same way because of the age that you guys are... This does not mean that you are not the one just that he might of thought that you were asking him when can we get married??  He is prob not ready for this at this point in life and that is fine just let if flow for a few months years etc and see what happens in this time... You might grow together and or he or you might get a job in different states and have to move and whatever... Its so hard to predict the future that he and you with being the age you guys are its too hard to commit.

Answer 6

You guys are still young...I mean I don't know your reasons for moving in together but just because you worked then and are working now doesn't mean it's forever.

It also doesn't mean it's not.

I'm 22 and I couldn't imagine knowing right now if my boyfriend of 2 and a half years is who I'll marry.  But we work right now...

Just keep it simple.  Don't overthink your relationship...just see what happens.  It's good that you're okay without him...regardless of how much in love you are or if he is "the one" you still need to be able to be you...that's only healthy.

It's also really great that you guys can be that honest with each other.

It sounds like your relationship is strong and you guys are both just growing up together.

Good luck. :)

Answer 7

If you live with him and he doesn't know if you're the one- Hmm? I would seriously tell him to move out...Why are you playing house if this isn't the real deal?

Answer 8

It is normal that we grow through questioning. We also grow by listening to the answers we get. Adults should not invest more than one year of their lives in any relationship that is not moving ahead towards one's goals. Maybe he cannot possibly know given your current arrangement. You DO need to know at some point. If some changes need to happen so that you can know, then do them now. Otherwise, you are just spending part of your life in a holding pattern that is going nowhere.