If your parents are paying for 90% of your wedding?

Question

are you expecting your guests to give you a gift that "covers the cost of their plate" and then some?

And do you in turn give your parents 90% of your cash gift, but NOT the "and then some?"

Or do you pocket all of the money and gifts and feel justified that you turned a 90% profit?

If you pay for none of your wedding, do you never even consider how much the gift cost, because you didn't have to recoup costs?

Answer 1

I assume your parents are paying because they love you and it's their gift to you. People are giving you money as a gift to buy things for your home, use on your honeymoon etc. It is not a refund for their meals. Keep it.

Answer 2

Wedding gifts are, technically, optional. In the end, gifts are gifts and cannot be counted as "income". I have read about several brides who got much more than they ever expected, and even one bride who only got 2 gifts in total- and she had over 200 people at her wedding! Whether you pay for your wedding or not, you cannot "count" on getting gifts. And no one should EVER consider their value- it is the thought behind the gift and not its dollar amount that is important. A wedding is not a transaction. You cannot say it cost you $150 per person and expect cash or gifts of $150 or more per person in return. Just like it is your choice on how much you spend on your wedding, it is your guest's choice on how much they can or will spend on your gift.

Your parents, I assume, were not begged into paying for your wedding but did it out of the kindness of their hearts. It is just one of those many things they do for those they love. If your parent's paid for 90% of your college tuition, would you pay them half your income for the rest of your life in "repayment"? Have you started paying your parents back for the food, clothing, and shelter they used to raise you? Of course not. You will, in time, "pay it forward" by giving everything you can to your children.  

If you feel a certain amount of guilt in receiving such a generous gift, you should talk to your parents about it. Perhaps they just want you to have "the wedding of your dreams" and don't want to see you start your marriage in debt because of it. Knowing why they are doing it might make you feel better. And if you and your future husband feel that you WANT to give a cash gift to your parents as a thank you, then you need to decide that between the two of you how much. As a married couple, you should make ALL financial decisions together.

However, if your parents are "loaning" you the money, then I would most certainly give them 100% of all cash gifts you receive. And I would skip the honeymoon (give them the cash you would have spent on that), and pay off the rest in installments every single month. If your parents are going into debt to pay for your wedding, I would also give them 100% of any cash gift you receive. In both the above cases, I would also take great pains in making and sticking to a careful budget, not doing the "over the top extras" (like a photobooth or fireworks display), and doing most things diy to save costs. Even if your parents say it is ok, it is NOT ok for ANYONE to go into debt for your wedding.

Answer 3

My parents chose to pay for my wedding, I did not ask, did not assume. Usually it is done by the parents who want to, not out of obligation.

No I don't expect gifts at all. They are nice but not necessary and anything anyone decides to give will be graciously accepted. If I wanted to recoup money for my parents or turn a profit, well and myself, I wouldn't invite anyone. I would send out ticket admissions and see who wanted to pay! THat is just ridiculous. My mother wanted to give me a wedding as I would have taken off and gotten married and had a honeymoon all at one time.  There is no recouping money or turning profit on a wedding.

I want people there to share in our day and be happy for us, that is all. If they choose to give a gift well then that is exactly that, a gift. It sounds like you are making a stereotypical judgement against those whose parents are paying. I'll let you know I grew up dirt frikkin poor but also never wanted for necessities. My mom made many sacrifices in her life to take care of her children and I would never expect her to pay for anything. Giving me a beautiful wedding is something she wanted to do as she knew her children grew up with much less. She always said when times got better, as they have for her now, she would give her daughters a wedding. I am having a beautiful wedding, more than I could ask for and would be just as happy with much less, including people just being there to support us and have a good time. Yes I will keep all my gifts that I receive for my wedding.

My shower was last weekend and my mom bought more gifts than anyone after many times asking her not to do anymore. Giving me a wedding is gift enough. Please don't make assumptions about brides to be. We are not all greedy money grubbers looking for a way to make a profit on someone else's dime.

Answer 4

Profit?! What is this world coming to when people are looking to make a profit at their wedding and talking about recouping costs.  How tacky and greedy and mercenary.  These people are GUESTS.  You do not charge guests an admission price to attend.  You do not expect them to pay back what you spent a head.  You do not expect anything but their gracious presence and if they bring you a GIFT, it will be something of their choosing that fits what they can afford.   Ewwww I am so happy not to be invited to this grab the money fest and I would not attend if invited.  This is an insult to your friends and family.  Shame on you.

Answer 5

Im quite surprised to read your question. Usually, when parents pay for any part of a wedding, its a gift, not a loan. A gift is just that-- they dont expect anything in return.

Perhaps you should talk to your parents and see what their intentions are. If they are considering this a loan, you need to know that so that you dont spend more than you can pay back.

You should think of each gift separately, and wedding expenses separately. This is not a t*t-for-tat situation. Dont keep score, and dont expect your guests to cover the cost of their plates.

Answer 6

Weddings are not the place for settling scores, nor keeping score.  The whole purpose of a wedding is  to see two people  who love each other make a  lifetime commitment to each other. If my parents wanted   a return on their "investment " I would  return their money to them and get a second job until I could afford the wedding that I wanted.  I got a huge range of gifts  at my wedding from a $15.00 garlic press to a  $700 gift certificate  to a local homewares store and I accepted each and every  gift gratefully and with thanks. the thought of profit never crossed my mind, nor my husbands.

Answer 7

Ummm... no though it's tradition that most of the time you gift about what your meal would cost I for one never think in terms of oh they paid $35 or whatever that's what I am going to give them. If I did give them the gift and they turned around and gave it to their parents I'd be a little ticked if I found out. If the parents don't want to pay for the wedding then don't. I don't think most parents that pay for a wedding expect to be paid back. You're not making  a profit you're receiving a gift from people who graciously give it to you.