If your partner earns more, should he do less around the house??

Question

My partner justifies not doing any cooking or cleaning or laundry by saying that he's earning a lot more money and working a lot harder than me. I work the same hours (but I earn less than half of his salary). In other words, as I benefit from his wages, I owe him the housework in exchange.

What do you think of this rationale? Do other guys think this way too?

Answer 1

its not what they earn, i think, but how demading the job is.. if your man is a construction worker who needs to come home and shower, then i think you could cut him some slack.. but, if he's like, a computer programmer, he could lift a finger or 2... both parties should be able to compromise this,  i dont understand how ppl could not have figured out what this person would be like before marrying them

Answer 2

ok well i dont think soo.....cuz u guys work the same amount of hours at work so u guys should distribute housework evenly as well....

Answer 3

I believe that some guys DO think this way, too.. it's kind of part of there men rule instinct, ya know? That since he makes more, supports you better than you could do for yourself, that in a way you 'owe' him. I don't think it's very healthy to have this kind of opinion towards your wife. A relationship is NOT a competition, is it? It's something you both work at, sweat for, bleed for, ache for, need for. He should think of you as his equal, not his lesser, and should treat you that way as well. I think that this issue comes about in several different way with people, and some take it very seriously. It really depends on what you feel. Do you feel that you DO need to repay him for bringing in more money? Is it something that you submit to because he his your husband, and think that you owe him for taking care of you? Or do you feel he should take his bigger paycheck, shove it, and do the d**n dishes? (Just kidding!) No... but do you feel like it's not right? If you think it's unfair that he makes you feel that you owe him things for bringing in more money, then that is gonna be an issue you need to resolve. You're gonna have to take that head on, sit him down and explain that he makes you feel like you're less than him because of the size of his paycheck, and that it's not fair he thinks you owe him things. This is something that, if not resolved, could cause serious problems in your relationship later down the road. It's not something that will go away unless you do something about it, and it will start to eat away at you and more than likely you'll begin to resent him. Good luck with everything, I hope you can work it out.

Answer 4

Jobs that pay less for the same hours are often harder, at least physically.  You tend to be on your feet more, have to deal with the general public, that kind of thing, although without knowing exactly what you do that's a generalization.  I would say that if he feels that way I would either stop doing his laundry, washing his dishes, cooking for him, that kind of thing, or I would send him a monthly bill, since you apparently don't work hard enough as it is and he can afford it.  My husband does not think this way.

Also just needed to add-women still only make 72 cents for every dollar a man makes, so he really only makes 22% more than you do.

Answer 5

i think he should help out some, unless you're sitting on your butt in an air conditioned office and he's doing manual labor all day, which doesn't sound like thats the case

Answer 6

My husband did.  He's now my ex.

Answer 7

No, it should be whoever works the least amount of hours should do more at home because obviously they are home more and can.  the amount of money earned has nothing to do with it!

Answer 8

Man hatin isn't going to help this girl...

I see his way of thinking, but disagree.

It shouldn't be about the amount you bring home, but the hours you work. If you work the same exact hours you should split the chores evenly. Take into count any time he or you have to spend working at home or outside of those regular hours.

It would help if I knew what kind of work you both do. If you sit at a desk answering the occasional call & making a few copies all day while he's doing hard physical work, then yeah, maybe you should do more of the chores. However if you have a very busy job that stresses you alot even though your sitting at a desk, that mental stress can be just as exhausting as physical labor, and he needs to understand that.

Try to talk to him calmly & kindly about it, express your understanding of his side. If you give him an attitude (or omg be a naggin wife) about it you won't get anywhere.

Good luck & hang in there.

Answer 9

What happens outside of the home does not make up for who does what within the home! I have met many, many guys with the same attitude and honestly, the word 'pig' always pops into my head when they have this attitude (and feel it is justified because they say so)!

I would be willing to bet you that if you made more money then he did he would still try to convince you that he 'works' harder than you do!

It's a matter of how you wish to deal with this between the two of you. If you are more than happy to cater to him in this way and he can make up for household chores by doing other 'manlier' duties then I say fine...lol...but I would be finding manly chores that he would have to deal with! - Trash, car maintenance, lawn work, gutter cleaning, whatever was 'outside'...if that made him feel better...but then I bet you that he would still have an excuse why he shouldn't be responsible for these things as well...or at least try to share them with you!

I think some men just use this 'housework' c**p as an excuse to be lazy! I wouldn't try to say they are stupid to work - because they aren't! Some men hoenstly still have the mental attitude that they should just come home and literally be catered to by their happy little 'June Cleaver' wife who should be happy and proud to do this service for their husband.....they forget, sometimes that women today are in the workforce and are just as tired as they are when they get home from work! Maybe you should tell him you would be happy to be a housewife and let him do the manly duties of being responsible for paying all of the bills on his own....I don't think he would be happy about that either!

And then there are some who just don't listen to us...we can spell it out and draw them a diagram with bright colors and simple words...and they still don't get it....until it is too late...

I wish I actually had some good advise for you....I have been in the same situation countless times - I even became a housewife just for arguments sake - he still wasn't satisfied....I suppose women should have more energy then men and like the energizer bunny, we should just keep going and going and going....work outside the home, come home and work some more....our work is sometimes never done and almost impossible to complete (or even get caught up on some days if you have children...lol)!

Don't get me wrong...if the guy is doing construction work all day then I will sympathize that he may indeed be exhausted...but this is usually not the case...

Answer 10

my man is the only one who works. he works as a stress reliver for big plants like bp shell exxon and so forth he goes in and wrapes the pipes with a bunch of stuff and than has to heat it to a certian temp. and let it stay there for so long and than bring it back down and unwrape it. now there are times when he goes out of town so if i do not take care of the house and our son who will. now when he has a few days off he does help out but sometime i just let him do his thing. it works for us

Answer 11

No matter how much he makes the duties should still be equal.

Answer 12

I don't think so, I think it is directly related to how many HOURS a person works.  If you worked part-time and he worked full-time, I'd say this makes sense.  But it does not since you both work the same hours.  Tell him that if he doesn't realize that you work just as hard as he does and doesn't pitch in with the housework, you are not going to put in any effort into your relationship.

Answer 13

My husband only works and he helps a lot around the house. You guys are just as equally out there and not at home.

He just needs to help. No excuses.  

Answer 14

This does not give him the right to not do any. Working more hours would but not making more. I would be telling him this is not going to work and he needs to pull his share. If he wants a hired maid tell him to get one.  

Answer 15

ditto to the first answer, my husband was this way with me as well, hes been my ex for many years now. found me a man that loves me and helps me around the house and actually gets mad at me for not giving him the laundry to do..lol..  

Answer 16

What a lazy A hole he is...  Matters not who makes what..  You work the same hours and you do the same chores...  Hey if this guy wants to be so macho...  Tell him ok, I will do all  the work...  But I am going to quit my job...  you see, if they paid a house wife for what she's worth a man could not afford her.....   i.e. doctor, nurse, bus driver, baby sitter, cook, bottle washer just to name a few...  Let him mull on that for a while...  Good luck...  Grant M in Pennsylvania

Answer 17

I agree with it, as cave man as it sounds.

Honey, he makes one dollar, you make two quarters.

Pick up the slack, this is NOT 1950!  

Answer 18

I don't.  If l live with you I have an equal responsibility to make it a place of comfort by handling as much housework as possible.  Money is irrelevant.

Answer 19

he's lazy and trying to justify it.  tell him he has to cook his own meals and do his own laundry.

Answer 20

Not unless he pays for a maid.

Answer 21

that is an excuse to cover for the fact that he feels you should work, have kids. cook, clean,laundry, and maybe wash the car, be charming in bed never tired just like his mom, honey June Cleaver even got tired of Ward, tell him that since he makes more money and does not want to help out you will see if hazel is available, making more money does not give him the right not to help where he lives, and you don't owe him.  

Answer 22

my fella sure as h**l doesn't.  he does his own laundry and puts his own dishes in the dishwasher.  If I cook, he cleans, and vise versa.  we even trade off every other week mowing the lawn.

I may only make a third of what he does, but he does his fair share of cleaning.