If your spouse cheated, could you forgive them?

Question

Just curious, do you think you could work through infidelity in your relationship? My friend and I disagree on this topic. I believe there is no why I could work through it, all the trust would be gone for me. She says she could forgive her husband. Why are your opinions?

Answer 1

From my life experience, I have found that most people say there is no way they would stay with a cheater.  But once they find out their spouse has cheated, they weigh the good with the bad.  If the marriage had been great, they will most likely try to salvage the relationship.  If they weren't happy to begin with, they have found their way out.  It is easy to guess what you would do, but until your heart is involved, you truly do not know what action you will take.

Answer 2

If they ask for forgiveness and let me know why they cheated and what they will do in the future to prevent it from happening again!  IF they can't answer those questions and are not asking forgiveness then it would probably be over!

I will still forgive them even if the marriage ended!

Answer 3

I think if my husband could show me that he could be open and honest from now on, then I could forgive him. But if he did it a second time, I'd be gone.

Ultimately I think the healing would have to be a two-way street. It's all about CONSTANT communication - what you're not happy with, what you're happy with, what you want for the future, what you've been doing all day, etc.

i actually just wrote a piece on my blog about this topic... maybe it will help!

- cplatt

http://buzz.prevention.com/community/cpl...

Answer 4

Only after your husband felt your pain.  Paybacks are h**l.  Pay him back and see if he can live through it.  He must realize there are serious consequences to infidelity.  Strong women must demand respect from the husbands.  2 wrongs don't make a right, but I think it makes things even.    

Answer 5

At first you think you can and move on, but in the long run it usually will always stay in the back of your mind. But if you are madly in love with that person you won't believe how many facts your mind can ignore just so that you can stay with that person.

Answer 6

i have just been cheated on, me and my partner of 12 years decided to move to another country and while i was there with our 2 kids he cheated on me. we had been talking or texting everyday and then for nearly 2 weeks there was no contact, he just disappeared, then i got a message that he would be staying with a friend and sorry for messing me about and being an a** hole but he needed to be alone. when i finally got it out of him he said he was so sorry and just disgusted with himself. it was funny because me and my friend had had this conversation a few months ago and i said it was unforgivable and she said it was, that there would have to be something wrong in the relationship to stray and the first words out of my mouth? i forgive you, go figure lol

my mother in law has the best advice, never presume what you would do in any situation because you just don't know what you would do

sorry, we were apart for 3 months and have a very active s*x life, all i can say is i didn't think pain like this existed

Answer 7

No, I couldn't forgive that person. It would always be in my head and I would be questioning everything that happens. Wondering if they are doing it again.

I kind of wonder how we as humans every got so caught up in cheating. Why is it such a big deal. We do all kinds of other things. Why isn't that just as bad. A spouse forgives their spouse for putting them in doubt. What about drug abuse, physical abuse. Why is s*x so bad. Is it because people enjoy s*x so much it makes the other spouse mad that they are not enjoying it with someone else. It does seem that the younger generation is starting to see s*x as just something you do to have fun.

Answer 8

My husband cheated. I forgave him. The forgiveness came about 1 year after the divorce was final though. And to stay with a cheater? I don't even think so!!  

Answer 9

The bible tells us we must forgive to be forgiven. However it also tells us to, do not commit adultery, too. To answer your question, yes I would be able to forgive my husband, but I could not live with a man who did not honor vows that were made before family, friends and most importantly the Lord.  

Answer 10

I was cheated on by my first husband and was so dependent on him with being a young mother and hadn't worked for awhile.  I was willing to forgive him only because I was scared and had no idea what kind of job I was going to get and how was I going to do this on my own.  He didn't want me back thank God lol.  I ended up doing it on my own finding a job and then finding a better one.  Oh I failed to mention I didn't know how to drive.  I learned how to drive at the age of 29.  If my husband now cheated on me I wouldn't go back or ask him back.  I would never trust him again.

Answer 11

No it means that they no longer have any respect for me. Plus I would never be able to trust them again. The thought of them doing this to me would always be in the back of my mind. I just couldn't deal with it I'm sorry.

Answer 12

No because she ain't having s*x with me and i offer it 2 or 3 times a day, so she d**n well not be having it with someone else.

Now I'm cheating and she would have to forgive me because i offer s*x to her all the time and she turns it down so she would be 50% at fought

Answer 13

I think alot of it would be based on if he told me, or if I found out from someone else.

Answer 14

Absolutely.  It would be way better than the sexless life my wife and I live in now.  For several reasons

1.  it would prove she isn't frigid, which i've suspected.  i'd be glad she just had s*x with anyone.  

2.  i've been dumb and desperate enough to stay with her this long, what's more whack to my head  

3.  if she wanted to stay with me afterward, then i'd finally know she liked me.

However, it's not good to assume what you'd do in a difficult situation, until you've actually been in that situation.

Answer 15

it depends on the circumstances, if he comes to me and confesses with deep sincerity and remorse, if he tells me he wants to go to consoling and would do anything about rebuilding the trust he's lost then i would consider it. but if i have to figure this out my self and he denies it or is just cold about it then it's defiantly over.  

Answer 16

Every situation is different.  I ALWAYS believed that there was no way I could forgive.  Well, I guess that's why they say NEVER say NEVER.  My ex hubby #2 and I have been divorced for over 2 1/2 years...yes, he cheated...I was pissed, and when he told me he didn't know what he wanted...I made the decision and kicked him to the curb.  After 2 1/2 years and a lot of self-discovery...the bitterness is gone, and I've looked at my own shortcomings in our relationship, and by both of us having other relationships since then, I think there is a chance we could get back together.  I think its important that we start on a level ground, because if I were to hold it over his head and throw it in his face everytime we fight, who would that hurt...US!!!  I really think that we have discovered that we had something unique and wonderful that just doesn't come along often, and WE let someone come between us.  IF we do get another chance...I will do everything possible to not let that happen again!!!

Answer 17

I could not and would not. If they loved me as much as they claim they do then she would have kept her legs closed in the first place.

Answer 18

Baby girl, you know my situation, but sometimes I know you get impatient......LOL  Honestly, no one knows exactly what they'd do until they're put in that predicament, so it's kinda hard 2 say yes or no.  One time cheater, I could probably forgive her cuz like Pac said 4give, but don't 4get, but if it happened another time, u best believe she gotta kick rocks.  LOL

Answer 19

I dont think I could get over it if I had iron clad proof of it it would be over.

Answer 20

I have and now finding myself in a never ending cycle of cyber s*x and  telephone and video relationships that he engages in even with me in the house!!!  .  Although he knows I snoop and find out his junk, he just continues.  I have enough evidence to take him to the cleaners but there are no clothes to pick up at the cleaners if you get my  gist.  I do love him and I know there is a part of him that loves me, but I don't think I will be taking much more.  Life is too short.  

Answer 21

s*x is such a small part of the whole big picture of marriage.  Forgiving an act is such a small thing, but it's hard to regain trust.  I think I'd find the humiliation of it hard to forgive if it were made public, but if nobody else knew, I'd be more likely to forgive.  

Answer 22

It would depend entirely on the circumstances. If it was just a sexual fling - sure, I could understand and forgive. If I had a reason to believe that my husband was looking to leave me for something better - no, I could not go on.

Answer 23

That's a deal breaker

Answer 24

I'm the jealous type to begin with... my fiance is totally devoted to me but a bean brain at times.  He doesn't see a girl flirting with him,  I know he doesn't because he doesn't flirt back or when I say someone was flirting he says " Really, do you think so"

but he does look at p**n and all that and I get jealous, even though the girls look similar to me.

So, no.  If he EVER made that mistake, ever, I would NEVER ever forget.  He would be out and I'd take all his stuff (ie: our house, cars, 1/2 his union pension)  He'd be VERY sorry.

Answer 25

I think it is different for each individual and for each circumstance.  Cheating is one of those things that happens for various reasons and some times that can play a role in forgiveness.

Answer 26

Yes...I would be more upset that he didn't share than the actual act of cheating.

Answer 27

Yes i could if i was allowed to do the same with the man of my choosing, he has this one friend who is so hot and built when he got out of our pool his swimming trunks fell down and i saw his package and it was huge that was 2 years ago and i can't get him off my mind i would never leave or cheat with this man but if my husband cheated first and wanted to work it out i would suggest for it to work that i get to have my cake to it would only be fair lol and he would know the pain he had caused me and would be less likely to hurt me again cause i would tell him his friend is a phone call away.

Answer 28

The only way I could forgive my hubby cheating would be when they close my casket.  Yup, I would have to be dead to forgive that betrayal.  I think if you have it in you to do it once - then there's the possibility he'd do it again & again.  Plus, my self esteem wouldn't allow such disrespect!!

Answer 29

the matter of if he/she is willing to repent and is remorseful wld come into play. i'd make my decision based on that.

Answer 30

It depends if it was physical or emotional.  If she as with someone because she loved him, then that would be a problem.  If it was a physical attraction or need, then it would much less of a problem.

Answer 31

absolutely NOT