If your spouse relinqueshed a child for adoption would you support a reuinion?

Question

cp.. understood. thanks :-)

Answer 1

I would support it - the decision to put a child up for adoption has got to be one of the worst ones people sometimes have to make and it's never in the best of circumstances either. If it were me I'd always be wondering where the child was or what they were like or how they turned out. So yeah, a reunion instigated by the child would definitely be a good thing (after all, they'll most likely be as curious about the parent, and no doubt will have unresolved issues they need to deal with).

Answer 2

I would not be apprehensive about my wife reuniting with a child she gave up for adoption. I would be more concerned with it reawaking her thoughts and feelings about the child's father, but not the mother/child realtionship. I think any husband may not like his wife remembering past sexual encounters with another man, which seeing an offspring may encourage. I would also want the "new" child to be included in our family activities and not have my wife be pulled from her current family to spend time with him/her.

Supportive, yes, but not blind to possible problems that could occur (which I would try to curtail before they happened).

Answer 3

Yes... I would. Back in those days.. adoptions were used to help cover the shames of teenage or unwed pregnacies. Those people never had a choice and many were forced by their own parents to give their children up so save face..

Which is just disturbing in it's self.. See but it didn't end there..

After it became acceptable to be young and unwed adoptions drioped drasticly.. So these corporations had to adapt or go out of business. So they did they started to feed on the poor who did not have the cash to hire a lawyer.. now they have a booming business and people think that if CPS is in your life you deserved it.. How imatrue and sensless.

Answer 4

Definitely!  The child should have the right to know their origins, if they so choose, and the father might not have wanted to give up the child, or might have been forced to do it.  Even if it was his decision, he may have been young and regretted it.

I would definitely support that decision, and would encourage it if I ever found out, whether my spouse brought it up or not.

Answer 5

I would very much support it!  My soon to be ex husband and his first wife put a child up for adoption many years ago.  He is on the birth cert but doesn't think he was the father.

I gave a child up for adoption and he sd he was supportive also.  

That is a prerequisite for any serious relationship I'm in.

Answer 6

Yes.  Not sure why anyone wouldn't support reunion.

ETA:  I am aware that not everyone is supportive of reunion.  I just haven't heard of a good reason not to, that wasn't self serving or based on insecurities. That's my point.

Answer 7

Oh without a doubt. He'd probably get pushed aside while I did all the leg work. I'm like that. (personality flaw)

Answer 8

I think I would, yes.  After all, the adoptee already has been raised by his or her adoptive parents, so it's not like they would have to be "raised" again.  I think there could be a potential for a very wonderful friendship.

Answer 9

absolutely! if he wanted to see his child i would do all i could.

i understand what you mean about your friends husband not being too keen on the idea. when i found my biofather my husband acted so weird about the whole thing. at one point he told me he thought it was a bad idea to meet him. i was furious, and hurt. after i calmed down and we were able to talk about it i asked him how he could say that. it meant so much to me and he was resistent to it. he explained that he was afraid it wouldnt turn out well and he would have to help me pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

he didnt know if he was strong enough to watch that happen to me. he was trying to protect me, but his words and attitude came out all wrong. i took offense, thinking he thought it was a bad idea. what he actually meant was it could turn out bad and i needed to be prepared for it.

i understand. i would not want to have someone enter his life and break his heart. that would kill me to see. but ultimately the choice was mine, luck for us it turned out really well. all that worry for nothing.

Answer 10

Absolutely.  I couldn't imagine keeping my husband and his child separated from each other.  I was trying to think of any possible circumstances that would prevent me from supporting it . . . I guess only if it could be unsafe somehow.  I would also myself really want to meet the child of my husband.  He's my husband, I love him, and I myself would want to meet a child who is part of him.

Answer 11

I myself am adopted.  I would FULLY support the reunion.  Besides the obvious emotional attachment, there are health issues that could be solved or helped by knowing a fuller genetic history.  I would take the chance to meet my birth parents in a heartbeat, and I would like to think that their spouses would be as supportive as I would be if I were in their shoes.

Answer 12

Of course I would!  I wouldn't want a spouse of mine to undergo any unneccesary emotional suffering--like wondering, year after year, what happened to his child.  I don't understand how anyone could feel otherwise.

Answer 13

YES. An adoptee's desire to meet birth family is strong. www.adoptive-parenting.com

Answer 14

Yes I would. My husband's family is my family, just as my adopted kids' parents and siblings are part of our family.  Besides, no matter what I feel about it,  the child has a right to have a relationship with his/her parents.

Answer 15

Yes most definitely!  This happened in my family.  My father has a son with another woman (relationship he had long before my mother) and she put the child up for adoption.  Years later, his son at 32 wanted to get in touch with his biological parents.  My father arranged to meet with him and it was a great outcome.  He has been a part of our family ever since and we love him dearly.

Answer 16

Yes.  I would not only support it, but encourage it.  People are so much wiser and tolerant as they get older.  And they are better able to understand their own decisions from their younger days.  They shouldn't feel guilty about the decision, but be prepared to explain it in an objective and caring way to the child.  If the child is angry, the parent needs to understand their feelings and tell them so, but explain they made the best decision they could for both of them at the time.  Offer to remain in contact if the that is what the child wishes.  Let the child move the relationship along at their pace and be patient and understanding.  And don't beat yourself up if the child disappears again.  Just be happy you know they are alive and well out there and go on with your life.

My husband has a lost child out there.  He didn't know he existed until he was 8 yrs old.  He met him at 9 yrs old and shortly after he turned 10 yrs old, his mother disappeared with him and we have never been able to find him since.  Her family closed ranks and refused to give up any info.  I think she was afraid he may choose his Dad over her and took off.  Who knows?  All I know is that my husband thinks about him and would be happy to reunite with him.

Answer 17

Mine would in a heartbeat. He also is supporting and doing the planning to attend the Adoption Rally being held in New Orleans in July. He's only doing this for me. He's taking vacation time off work, which he had planned for something HE had planned and wanted to do. We are really struggling at this time, but he's taking the money he saved for himself and is spending it on me and this trip. He is about as interested in this as I am about how to build a fire from 2 sticks of wood, but he's doing it.

Answer 18

100%!  How could I not?  This is the flesh and blood of my spouse and I would want my husband to be in reunion with his son or daughter.  I know I'm not alone in this.  My first father's wife did a lot to help him search for me.  She immediately put her arms around me when we first met.

I remember, too, about 20 years ago I knew a man who was not aware that he had a son.  An ex-girlfriend contacted him when their son was an adult, and told him about the situation.  She had placed their son for adoption.  At this point the man had been  married for many years and raised a family with his wife.  He immediately told his wife about this son, and they searched for him.  Upon reunion, I recall how this man just beamed and could hardly speak of anything else!

Recently, my husband's ex-wife's current husband went through the very same thing.  They are all in reunion now, too.

I can't imagine not welcoming a child of my husband.

Answer 19

Absolutely.

And I am terribly grateful that my stepfather did as well.

He and I did not have an easy relationship, not that we fought, or didn't get along, just that we were never easy with each other, but he supported my first mom's decision to search, and if she hadn't searched, I never would have found her.

Answer 20

ABSOLUTELY!

Answer 21

I have only recently began dating again after the split from my husband a year ago.  While the relationship is not a real serious one, I was up front about Baby Z.  Basically, if they cannot accept there is a child out there somewhere who will one day look for me, then I have no need for them in my life.  And if they go on about how supportive they are but balk once true contact has been made, I suppose I would be filing for divorce again.  If you cannot accept me for who I am or my children for who they are, I have no need of you.