Ignore his many calls after breakup due to ex-wife attachment?

Question

A week ago I broke up with a man that I had grown to care for over the last few months. We had a wonderful relationship... only problem: he is still waiting for his ex-wife to consider reconcilation... But since our breakup he wants to be friends and calls me frequently. I've ignored all contacts, partly to move on with my grieving and get on with my life (since I must consider this permanent), but I must admit, I also still strongly hope he will change his mind and miss me, which he clearly does... What do you think is the best way to handle this situation? What do you think the odds are of his choosing me and letting go of hopes for her? Should I send him a message telling him the only woman he should be calling/pursuing now is his ex?

Answer 1

Don't worry about who he'll chose. He'll take the one who doesn't reject him. You see, he's keeping you in reserve, but it's her he wants. Remember, he won't change his mind. He'll just take what's left over. I suspect, because you have good instincts, that you'd rather not be leftovers.  

Answer 2

Just keep ignoring him.

Don't enter into any type of communication with him at all.

He won't change his mind. And even if you did, why would you want him back after what he did to you?

Answer 3

Keep ignoring him. He'll get the hint that he screwed up and you're not playing this game with him.  

Answer 4

I do think that you need to talk to him. Let him know where you stand and give him a chance to explain where he stands. I would just tell him, that you don't like living in limbo. If he decides to reconcile with his wife than so be it, but unless he decides 100% that he wants to be with you, than you are going to move on with your life. You can't be plan B.

Answer 5

Call him once to tell him you will talk again when he is free and you wish him the best. You are a really intelligent woman to recognise that there was no future in the way things were. Don't put yourself through the pain of being this man's friend he was using you and you deserve a man who loves you. Good luck.

Answer 6

You are doing the right thing.  Even if she won't take him back.

Move on and find someone else. Why would you want to be with someone only because his ex didn't' want him?

Because if she did he would not leave her for you !  

He is only holding on to you in the event she doesn't want him.  Is that what you want?  I would not send him any messages except goodbye.  

Be strong and end it. You deserve better ..  

Answer 7

For me at least, the baggage has got to go...I leave mine and I expect my man to be done with his as well.   3 IS a crowd.  Tell him as long as he is interested in his ex, you are off limits, dating or friendship.

Answer 8

He is waiting for his ex to consider reconciliation and you are sticking around????  Let him go since he is obviously wanting her and if she gives the green light for reconciliation he will be with her.  If she doesn't get back with him and he comes back to you then you are second best.

Answer 9

wow i was in the same situation a week or so ago with a guy i had been seeing on/off for 5 yrs

and he told me very openly that his ex was coming back to town to try to work things out with him again and he was going to try again also

however, over the few months of exclusively seeing each other ( ex not here yet), we developed a lot of feelings

so a point, where we were in the same situation as u

however, as i went thru the exact same situation, just leave him alone

if he was with you and still thought of her, she meant a lot MORE to him

and the fact that hes even making the effort with her, shows that him and her share somethign that u and him never will

plz give up hope, and stop trying to be his friend because do u know WHY he wnats to be friends??

so that if somehow things dont work out with his ex, he can come back to u easily without hesitation

he just wants u  around for back up incase things dont work with her, buh he is giving her priority over u

its a really sucky feeling, trust me i know

but tell him gluck and it was fun and plz move on

u deserve better than a guy who doesnt know who he wants

and is using u for a last resort

gluck

Answer 10

He is still in love with his X, your just something on the side to have s*x with, till she comes around.  She may never come around, he may never stop loving her, you were a rebound relationship, and are the only one in love in it.  It doesn't matter what you tell him to do, but it matters what your going to do  for yourself.  Find a man who will love you for you, that you can love in return.

Answer 11

tell him to get off the pot are drop his load of c**p!!!!

Answer 12

Tell him to either S^*& or get off the pot.  You cannot have both and he needs to make a choice.

Answer 13

tease him like they women is doing me and it make me mad im always thinking of her but they way she acted like i feel u are doing.. i feel not to go to her and im waiting for her to come to me.. ego.

how i go i have a wife and she wanted me to leave her and stay with me i cnt do this to my wife she did so many things to me so its more then she needs me and i don want to take my self frm her cuz she only have me (but i like this girl which i feel love with her but helpless)who to deside i think u should ask him stright me or her

choose one and then go on or get a new bf who dont have any x

Answer 14

If you really care for this guy, then call him.  Tell him you all need to talk. Let him go 1st. and if he's not telling you that he wants you and only you, then you tell him that how it has to be. If he can't agree to it -- Then keep moving. Good for you to know you will not play 2nd to anybody. Good luck.

Answer 15

tell him to get the **** over his ex.

just act casual...play it by ear.