Im 19 and have a 4 1/2 month old....?

Question

i love him to death and honestly i would be absolutely DEVISTATED if anything happened to him. but he wasnt a planned pregnancy and i find myself being miserable sometimes because i've completely lost my freedom and youth...and it depresses me sometimes. is it normal to feel that way at first? if so...will it go away?? i dont want to resent my baby i love him to death. i just feel sad about it sometimes..

Answer 1

that's completely understandable. it must be hard to be a young mother. i can't imagine.  

Answer 2

Go speak with your doctor. You could have some sort of post-partum depression, although I'm not sure how long it should last. I do hate when people say "I had a baby so I have no freedom, blah, blah, blah" It's not that you don't have any freedom, you just don't have as much. We still do pretty much everything we use to but our baby is just included now.

Babies do tend to make you grow up faster, especially if you were not ready for them. But you just have to roll with the punches. Maybe you've learned a lesson.

Answer 3

its normal to feel sad about it but if you continue to love him it will go away, youll be happy in like 4 or 5 years for sure. if you have the $$ to take care of him and yourself.

Answer 4

i had my son when i was 19, I'm 21 now and you will get used to it, it took me a long time i still miss my freedom but its my sons life i worry about more now cause I'm the only one here for him. just try and get out and see your friends still like ask your mom or close family member to babysit every other weekend so u can still have some time for you.

Answer 5

You are completely normal AND you are a good mom. But seriously, you are only 19. You have to understand, everything happens for a reason. But, what kinds of things are you looking to do? You can still be youthful and have a baby. Find a baby sitter or a family member to watch him sometimes. Think about those girls even younger than you that have to become like a second mom to their siblings, ( I was one of those :p) Because their mom has so much going on. Try to make friends that are in your similar situation. Also, where is the baby's dad? You should not have to do all the work.  

Answer 6

Yes it's normal to feel that way. I was 16 and had twins, by 19, I had another baby, by 20, I had my last child. None of them were planned. I felt the same way you did, like life was passing me by and I had no life.

The up side of all this is, you are raising a child, and he needs you. The truth is, you aren't really missing out on anything. You still have your youth and you still have your freedom. He will grow up so fast and he needs YOU to teach him what he'll need to know to grow up and be a respectable man. And that's a job only his mother can do. Trust me, these feelings will pass.

Answer 7

You are super young, but old enough to make adult choices. Maybe you could have something called post partum depression. Thats common about after the first 5 months of birth. Consider the child a gift and a blessing. I think it should pass after awhile. If it doesnt maybe you should talk to your Dr about it.

Answer 8

Yeah it is normal and nothing to be ashamed about. This wee baby has come along and turned your life upside down, as well as that your hormones are all over the place right now!

When you begin to get yourself into a routine with him you will feel better. Plus he will get bigger and people will maybe look after him for you to let you get out and be YOU again.

It will pass, take care.  

Answer 9

im 19 and have a ten month old .like you I get my ups and downs but I try and not to think of it much and just concentrate on raising my daughter .We can still do all the things we done before getting pregnant but now when we go out we will always think ill have to get up in the morning with the baby .if you want to talk privately just IM me..but I assume we will stop feeling this over time .Its just all new to us and we still have to adjust  

Answer 10

How wonderful, what a blessing to have this little boy in your life, to keep you so busy, as he depends on you for all his care. What you could use is some time out for yourself. Can you have a baby sitter to care for him while you go out to shop or go out with a friend. Love him to life, is much better, they grow so fast, and look forward to the time when he will be able to go out with you, and you will have your freedom back before you know it. Plan your outings, to the Park or to visit Grandparents, and so on. Seek help if you feel post par tum depression, it gets better if taken care of.  

Answer 11

All parents have feelings like that at times. Being a parent is a full time job. Get some help or support so you can have a break. The feelings do go away. But you need support. I am glad you had him even if he wasn't planned. Hang in there. Children are a blessing.

Answer 12

You're 19... your youth was already behind you.  Just because you're a Mom doesn't mean you can't have fun anymore.  It just has to be different fun and it has to work around the baby's needs.  He's still young, it'll be different in a year when he is mobile and interactive.

Answer 13

hi ! im 21 and married with a 3 month old little girl, olivia. yes, being a young mom has its challenges but i would never give it up for the world. you are first and for most a mother, but you are also many other things.....you have friends, interests, hobbies....so many other things then just a mom. you need to do your self a favor and get out as much as you can. even if its with the baby. and sometimes you need to get out just with you and your friends. some free time actually makes you a better mother. my husband watched our olivia last night and i went out with my girlfriend and g*y guy friend and we all had the best time! it was like those times you used to have in high school! dont keep yourself couped up at home! baby likes to get out too!

best of luck to you and stay strong! everybody has kids eventually. just think when your friends start having children, you'll be like d**n-im already a pro at this.....now their just getting started!  

Answer 14

My mom gave birth to me at 19,

she says there was always that wanting to go out and be like the other people at her age,

and yes i wasnt a planned baby either.

got past the birth pill!!!

but depression is very likely for you,

to have made the decision to make that baby was your choice

now its if you want to finish your job...

but the thing is,

my mom always found herself happy to have had me.

im not saying that your baby was a mistake,

but it is totally normal to have your feelings

Answer 15

I was 25 when I had my first child.  And yes, it is a life changing experience....it's all about them now.  No more freedom, no more friends but, that is our decision and what we have to accept when we have children.  The feeling has went away, but now my friends are starting to get married and having kids now....and NOW they are in my boat.  It was a lonely road at first, yes I had my family and my husband, but not to have many friends anymore because I couldn't go out, sucked....but, now I have my true friends...and everything seems to be getting easier.  If you are feeling any type of resentment towards your child, maybe you need to think of other alternatives.  You could always do adoption, or maybe have your parents watch him so you can get out for a bit.  We may be mothers, but we do need our alone time to get out of the house, and have fun.  Good Luck!

Answer 16

Considering most adults with real jobs and salaries have children it would seem that you would find having a baby at an age where you are supposed to be in college stressful.

Probably not if you just let it slide try making your life a little less stressful.

Answer 17

Hey Girl,

Hang in there. Things get easier as you go. Don't listen to the jerks out there telling you its to late now. First off you might have pp depression. It is very common and can come months after having your baby. Or it might not be that. You obviously love your baby. And it is ok to miss your life before your baby. And yes there are probably going to be things you miss out on being so young with a baby. But just remind yourself of all the amazing things that you get in return. That baby is going to make up for all the lame parties and awful hangovers that your going to miss out on. Hold your head up. Your going to get through this believe me.

Answer 18

I had my son a week before I turned 18. It is a big shift from doing as you please but its rewarding to be with your child and know you are the one taking care of him. As an alternative you could find a teen mothers group in your area and make friends there. Then you can do stuff with other young mothers and their kids and be social without leaving your son with anyone. but every deserves a break as well. Maybe get a sitter if you can one night a week or every other week and go out with someone to a movie or even just a walk. i have 3 kids and i'm happy to go to the store to get a break cuz i oonly have to take 1 with me

Answer 19

I think you will adjust. Having a baby is a big adjustment, especially since you're still so young. It does mean giving up your freedom and youth and it may take some time for you to accept that that part of your life is over. It isn't easy to give such things up but it is necessary. You will get used to it. Best of luck.

Answer 20

hello

i have a big sister and her friends had children at young ages too. They felt like you do but got over it, but what helped one of them alot was every now and again (like every month or so even if it's just once) just for a couple of nights on a weekend took him to her parents house for them to look after him and went out with her friends and had a good time it really cheered her up to not have to wrory and to have a good time and to be free for a couple of nights.

hoped i helped x

Answer 21

You know what... I am 30 years old with my first child and he is 10 months now, and felt exactly the same way you did.  I am much older but I do have a career, social life, etc...that I had to sacrifice ( I miss my job, spending quality time with hubby and friends)...you sacrifice a lot when you have a baby.  The first few months after I delivered...I lost 16 lbs because of my post-partum depression.

It is getting better right now.  My son is crawling around, standing up, starting to talk a little...things that make being together priceless.  It will get better.  Take care of yourself and your baby, do your best.  You will always have a chance to do what you want to do, whether it be social, academics, career, etc...

Please consider your next child to be with someone you love, financially stable and just make the right decisions overall.

Answer 22

it's perfectly normal to feel that way, but another thing you need to take into consideration is how your baby is feeling. Are you going to be able to take care of him, or should you give him the opportunity for a better life, adoption.  However, if you are ready to take on the responsibility of a parent, things won't be so bad.

<3

Answer 23

Yes, it will go away.

You may resent your child at times when your friends are out having fun and partying, but you will come to learn that God gave you this blessing for a reason and while your friends are doing their thing, you're getting a head start at being a great mom.

It's amazing that you love him enough to feel bad about the possibility of resentment. Just don't make him resent you as he grows.

Is there a counselorr, doctor, anyone you can discuss this with? If so, you should probably do it to find ways of redirecting your worries.

Answer 24

it's normal. you have that responsibility at such a young age, but at the same time he is such a HUGE blessing!

i think that kids are great and you should enjoy him as much as you can, he won't be a baby forever. in a few years, you can go out with friends and have "mommy time".

Answer 25

If you friends are all young, free and single with no ties, you will feel you have lost your freedom.

Make some new 'mummy friend' that you can hang out with while your kids play.

Treat yourself to some nights out if you can get a babysitter...

I myself had my baby at 19 and it will get better:o)

Answer 26

IDk Im kinda in the same boat, Ive had to grow up real quick, from being all about myself..to completely selfless. Im 19 also and my son is 5 months, too bad ya dont live near me we could chill lol

If you ever wanna talk just email me.

Maybe you could find a famiy member to give you some time for yourself, are you single? Cause I am, and I know all to well how that feels.

Answer 27

This is completely normal, and you don't even have to go diagnosing it as postpartum depression.  Almost all moms, on some level, miss the freedom we had before motherhood.  I'm 26 and had an unplanned pregnancy.  Of course I love my son more than anything on earth, but of course I miss all the thousands of freedoms I no longer enjoy.  

You may just have to work hard at not resenting your son, but realizing that this is the new normal, and you can love him and enjoy your life to the fullest - it will just have to be different than how you lived it before.  

Please seek help if you ever think about harming your son, but don't beat yourself up if you pine for the old days.  You will learn a new normal - just keep loving that baby!

Answer 28

is his dad not around to maybe look after him to let you get out for a while? this is when my feminism kicks in, i hate how the men can just leave when they dont want to have a child anymore... maybe you could make friends with other young mums and go out with them and *their children?

i wish i could help you :(! good luck with everything.

Answer 29

its normal to feel that way im 19 with 2 kids i got pregnant with my first at 16 and just gave birth to my second 10 days ago. i didnt go through that with my first son but after i had my second im upset all the time and jus think my whole life is ruined when in all reality it aint i graduated high school and start college in november....... if u feel like its starting to be to much u should talk to you dr they will probably put u on anitdepressents.  

Answer 30

I am not sure if it is normal...but i would like to say that i feel the same way. it was 1 month after my 19th b-day when i found out i was preggo. nevermind looking forward to being legal age (Canada)...nevermind going out to bars and parties...i was at home, pregnant, fighting with my bf 24/7, and very sick to my tummy. i had morning sickness my whole pregnancy. i wondered how i could love this baby when the pregnancy had caused me so much problems. but i had to realize that the pregnancy was MY FAULT not the baby's. when he was born i felt an undescribable love for him.

i love my son to pieces and would never change a thing.....but sometimes i do get down because i'm at home takiing care of the baby  while my friends are out having fun....BUT...you have to remember this was YOUR choice...there is no excuse to resent your baby.....if u keep telling yourself that you made this choice i don't think u will resent him

if you are very sad or worried, go talk to a counsellor please!

Answer 31

its normal to feel that way  am 22 and i have two kids a 2 yr old and a one month old. and that feeling does come in the beginning cause we are young but it goes away. i would not change them for nothing in the world. yeah your life changes a lot but for good. soo enoy him as much as you can cause they grow fast. and just do things with him. you will be fine this feeling does go away..