Im 20 years old and me and my mother have not got along since i was 10 years old

Question

My mom always blamed me for everything and treated me like cramp, Every chance she got she would call my PO and get me locked up for any little thing i did, we fought alot, and never could talk to each other without yelling, when i was 17 i got pregnant with my now almost 3 year old daughter, she started being really nice to me and telling me she loved me but when i moved out when i was 18 she started acting the same way she used to yelling at me and telling me what to do, Now that i am going to have another baby in 4-5weeks she is being nice to me and wanting to see her grandson but she has been nothing but rude to me and my boyfriend for the last 3 years treating me like cramp its my mom i know that but with every thing she has done to me over the last 10 years i dont want her in my life to me she is a home wrecker and she does not respect herself, Why do moms treat there daughter like this? She only comes around when she wants something, and has not told me she loves me since i was 15 even though i say it to her if we talk, she wont allow me in her house, but she wants to come to mine? is that right she doesnt really act like a mom

Answer 1

Honestly, it's your mom. I know I don't really have a great relationship with my parents, but family always has your best interest, it is just hard to express it sometime. My mom gets on nerves this same way, but you shouldn't punish her for trying her best. We all are not perfect, and we make mistakes. I know it seems hard, but your child should be able to know her grandmother. Even if you all do not get along that way. I mean I never got to know my grandparent(they passed) and I see alot of people that are close and inspired by the grandparents, it must be a good thing. If she does things to annoy you, just tell her straight up how you feel, don't argue. If you feel its wrong tell her that. At least give her the chance to see her grandchildren. It's a chance to start over, maybe she can work on her character with them.

Answer 2

Perhaps you could learn to give her more space and leave her out of your family?  Not move house, but politely tell her you do not welcome her into your house now that you have (almost) two kids and lots of work to do.

Go to Al-Anon meetings.  It's like AA, (12 step) but for the relatives and friends of alcoholics.  I do not drink but have relatives who do and have found a great deal of solace learning how to cope with them.  Even if your mother isn't a drinker, she seems to have "alcoholic behavior".  You would learn A LOT about how to cope with difficult people.  Promise.

Answer 3

You said she hasnt said I love you since you were 15 YET you said she said it when you got pregnant at 17

Honestly she does love you, but it sounds like YOU have the problem. You had a parole officer. And youre already on kid number 2 at 20 and not even married. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to you, but it's the truth. Maybe she just wants to see you do good for yourself.

You can't make it seem like it's all her fault in the relatonship between you two. It takes two to tango.

I think you should salvage your relationship with her and maybe talk to her bout it on an aadult level. My father and I just started talking about a month ago. We hadnt been talking for 1 year. That's not normal. Wish you the best!

Answer 4

Hi and I comend you for asking for help on this situation. It takes alot to admitt that you have a bad relationship with your mom. I know somewhat as to what u are going through. Not the same senerio but my mom was a nightmare when she was alive. I see it as so impersonal for me to give you advice on such an important subject. If you do read this you can write me back and Id be happy to give you my number so we can talk.  My best advice is to just take care of you and your family and dont allow her to get to you. Theres so much more to it than that but like I said if youd like you may responde to this and Ill provide you with my number. My name is sharee and Iam 38 years old, my mom passed 6 yaers ago but I put up with her abuse for 32 years and Iam ok today.    P.S. Yes your mom does love you!!! We all dont show love in the same manner. Another subject for dissuction.