Im 21 and feel like my grandparents are suffocating me?

Question

i am 21 year old i have a 10 month old daughter, i have my own home but my problem are my grandparents!

i feel like they are suffocating my they come most days and visit my daughter, the only day they dont come is a monday when my daughter gos with her dad so i get peace and quiet get tided up and have a soke in the bath etc

today they have just called to say they r coming along, ive explained the im busy and trying to get on with my house work etc but they are still coming!

i want to scream!!!!!!!!

i am i being totally unresonable and what can i do??

Answer 1

no way if you have told them that you are busy thats really rude of them to come round still.

i know like as you get older you get a bit lonely or what not but every one knows what manners are and im sure its the older generation that go on about it all the time.

when they come round tell them you need you space as much as you love seeing them.

maybe there scared if they dont come round you wont invite them??

talk them its really all you can do.

Answer 2

Tricky one. I guess they live close by, are retired and have nothing much else to do. I'm sure they dote on their great grand-daughter (and on you). Whatever you say to them - even if you put it as nicely and kindly as possible (which of course you should) is going to offend them to a certain degree. But either it gets said - and the sooner the better - or you just focus on their good qualities and develop sympathy for the fact that they're old and leave well alone. Up to you. There's no wrong and right. But there's no point in seething over it either. Either tell them, or have a word with yourself.

Answer 3

You need to sit down and talk with them and let them know you need more space.  Do it nicely, you don't want to hurt them, but I can see how it is just to much!

Answer 4

you'll have to be honest and tell them that they cant visit every day.  be nice about it, but make it clear that you need time for yourself, and time alone with your baby.  if you dont tell them they will just continue to turn up every day.  why not set aside a day a week for them?  like a sunday - then they can come for lunch, see the baby, and then go home till the next sunday.  you have every right to want time to yourself.

Answer 5

You're not being unreasonable.  They just want to be with you and your daughter because she's a very young person and they want to feel young.  I understand how you feel.  That's how I feel with my parents sometimes.  I feel that they try to run my life.  

Well, I thin you should have a conversation with your Granparents and tell them how you feel.  They will listen, trust me they will.  I said about sometimes I feel that way with my parents and I told them about it one time, and now they don't always "breathe down my neck."  

Good luck!

Answer 6

No you aren't being unreasonable.  Have you got a mum and dad you could talk to about this who could intercede with their parents on your behalf?  If not, you will just have to demonstrate to your grandparents that you have a life of your own.  I don't think talking to them is going to work without upsetting them so you have to show them without words. You don't want to fall out with them after all.  I suggest that when they phone to say they are coming over (not every time, but often) - tell them you are going out right now and aren't sure when you'll be back. (visiting friends or something)  Lock up as if the house is empty and go upstairs with the baby and hide until they've gone - or visit a neighbour/friend.  As far as your g/ps are concerned, you are OUT.  Another time, take the baby over to them.  I know it's a pain but over time this behaviour shows them that you aren't always in when they want to visit and that you do do other things with your time such as visiting them, visiting your friends etc.....having a normal life in fact.  It'll be hard at first and nerveracking if you are hiding upstairs and they are on the front doorstep - but be firm and eventually they'll get the message.  Another thing.  If they are insistent in coming over, say 'Oh good.  You can look after the baby while I get on with the housework'.  Make sure that is what you do that day.  Don't be at their beck and call with cups of tea and conversation.  Leave them with the baby and go and change the beds, cut the grass, clean your windows - even nip up the shops.  Use them to your own advantage and remember to be VERY grateful to them afterwards.  Maybe between you, you could arrange for this to be a once a week date.  Them babysitting and you getting on with your work.  Be all smiles about it.  If they don't like it, they won't come over!!

Answer 7

So they don’t understand the meaning of the word NO, huh? I’d be going nuts too!

Do you have caller ID on your home phone? If so, I wouldn’t answer if they call. If you’re not home, they can’t come visit now can they?

If you only use your cell phone, when they call, you’re not home (even if you really are). “Sorry, I’m out running errands. Another time, ok?”

You know what, though? If they’re already on their way, I’d let them hang out with the baby and keep doing your housework. At least you won’t have to tend to her while they’re there.

Answer 8

i honestly dont see anything wrong with it. i say youre lucky that your grandparents are still alive. when i was 16, i only have 1 grandparent left and cant even visit her cz she is is in a different country. i wanna see her really bad before its too late.

....and to answer what you asked.. maybe you can talk to your grandparents about it.

Answer 9

don't answer the door they will get the hint.

Answer 10

Why don't you let your  daughter go over to there house that way you will have more time alone and after a day or two they will be ready for her to come home bc she needs so much care and attention:)

Answer 11

You're not being unreasonable at all.

If you only get one day a week to be yourself, have some quiet and get some stuff done then of course you're going to be annoyed if someone takes that away from you.

You need to explain to your grandparents that you really look forward to some 'me-time' on a Monday and that you appreciate them visiting but you need some time to yourself sometimes.

They probably think they helping you out by visiting so frequently.  If you don't tell them how you really feel, then they won't know.

Explain you need to stand on your own two-feet sometimes  :-)

Answer 12

Try to remember that it is your house with your rules.  It's important to set boundries.  But it's also important to set thouse boundries politely as you are very very lucky to have family that has taken such an interest.  Perhaps suggest that they limit their visits to specific days or specific times to allow you to fulfill your other obligations.  

Also, when they come over, to you play 'hostess' to them non-stop?  Perhaps instead, you could utilize them to watch the baby while you are doing other things.  Laundry, housecleaning, etc.  It's like having a babysitter while your still there.

Communication is so important here.  You don't want to let them railroad you, but at the same time you don't want to alienate them either.  Try to talk to them.  Let them know you really appreciate their interest but have other obligations.  You have things that need done.  Maybe they could take the baby to the park a couple of times a week to give you time alone.  Or maybe you could drop the baby off with them for an hour a day.  or maybe you can just let them know what days would be good for you and they can come over at those pre-determined times.   Regardless on what you decide, you really do need to communicate with them.  I'm sure there intentions aren't to make your life harder so let them know how they can help.

Answer 13

No youre not being unreasonable at all, but you will just have to be a bit more forceful, if they insist on coming, just say theyll have a wasted journey because youre going out, or youll have to sit them down and tell them because youre very busy etc, you need to have days to yourself so you can get things done, so can they just visit on --- whatever day? Good luck!!

Answer 14

you need to sit these 2 people down & tell them exactly how you want your schedule to be. and for all 3 of you to keep a monthly diary to get together & only then. unless it's a real serious sickness, then that's different. if they refuse then move & don't tell them where you live & give them a postbox address.

Answer 15

When you are feeling calm and rational then explain it to them gently and with respect for their understanding.

Season your words with salt.

Answer 16

just treasure that you really even still have your grandparents D: i lost mine when i was 9 years old so that pretty sucks, so just treasure their lives while it still lasts =)

Answer 17

Not unreasnoble at all hun.

you have your own life to lead and are leading it around your grandparents at teh mment.

The only way you are going to sort this out is to chat with them,say u love them 2 bits and want them to see you and you baby as much as tey can but you have your own life to lead xxxx

lots of luck hun x*x

Answer 18

just tell them straight, and ask them to babysit over there house, i would go nuts if my grandparents visted once a week

Answer 19

no not totally. i would sit down and tell them hey you know i want you in my daughters life, but is there any way we can work something out so you come like 3 days a week instead of everyday of the week? let them know you have housework that you need to get done. Just be honest with them. But not rude because you dont want to hurt their feelings. Maybe they get lonely and want to spend time with someone else other than each other. I notice old people are always lonely.

Answer 20

They obviously feel they are helping you by coming along and adding their 10 penn'th to everything, you don't want to hurt their feelings but you have to be firm about having some time to yourself. Instead of making as excuse about the house being untidy when they come, ring them first and tell them you have decided to have a day on your own/out/see friends etc and you will ring them in the week when they can come and visit. Take the bull by the horns and do it or this will continue forever.

I wish you luck

Answer 21

Yes, you are totally being unreasonable! Obviously you're not married, and caring for children is difficult enough for married people, so whether or not you admit it we know it's difficult for a single parent.What may seem to be suffocating may not be what you're actually presenting to us. With them there most days, your child is safe and well cared for, without their presence others may want to "hang out", under the pretense that they like your child only looking for a place absent of any reasonable voices stopping them from convincing you to do this or that once the baby's asleep!