Im a 13 year old girl and im pregnant my parents want me to give the baby up for adoption,What should i do?

Question

Im a 13 year old who is 5 months pregnant and my parents want me to give the baby up for adoption but i dont want to so i have no idea wat to do.

Answer 1

hi dear... i had a comment, but i read autumn's and threw up a little bit in my mouth. how horrible to tell someone not to hold the baby they carried in their body for 9-months..

i'll send you an email..

ETA: ok, since you don't allow email (which is actually a good thing---people would be emailing you like crazy trolling for your baby) i'll give you my answer.

this baby is yours.  nobody has the right to tell you what you should do.  furthermore, nobody should judge you about having s*x, or being pregnant..

if you do not want to place your baby, you will NOT be able to move on with your life and "get over it."  only people who have no second thoughts about placing their babies, make money off of adoption, are uneducated about adoption or have never been pregnant, believe that c**p.

depending on where you live, there should be parenting program for teen moms.  call the local department of human services to find out about them.

also, talk to your parents.  let them know how you feel. sometimes parents suggest adoption in hope that things will "go back to normal" yet, that rarely happens.

do you have family members that can support you?  maybe an aunt that will let you live with them and be your advocate?  

finally, many young women have had children and do well. don't let someone tell you that you will automatically be a bad mother just because you are young. many people who are older are bad parents.

Answer 2

Keep that baby....you had s*x now deal with what comes along with it.That lil bundle will make you so happy....Don;t make your life harder then it already is....You may regret it and be upset for the rest of your life. Don't let your parents make you feel like you have no help. There is tons of help!!!!

Answer 3

you have 2 options.

1. have the baby and put it up for adoption. find a good family before you give birth BUT i would recommend not seeing/holding that baby after you give birth to it. doing this often cause an attachemtn and can cause you to change your mind in the adoption, which will hurt the adoptive family, and cause severe problems in the future.

2. sine you are only 13, which is far to young, you parents did not have you that long ago. if they are able/ prepared to care for a child i would do that. this would be your blood son, but your parents would raise him/her therefore it would actually be your brother.

3. what in the h**l were you thinking having s*x at 13! what are you in 8th grade? thats middle school where i live!

Answer 4

Your parents can’t force you but I think your parents are right your only 13, you’re a child yourself.  How do you plan to provide for this baby? It’s not your parent’s baby thus they should not have to pay fully financial for the baby. Probably the only job you can get at your age is odd jobs and babysitting.  You can’t even drive at this age so if your child became ill or had an accident  you would have to depended on someone else to get you somewhere, that is time that could be wasted depending on where they have to come from to get you and the child.



If you want to keep the baby then you need to plan out how you intent to provide and pay for the child. Suggest to your parents to work out some sort of payment plan where you will pay them back the minute you are able to get a regular job.  If you keep the baby you best not complain to your parents about being tired, not wanting to wake up at 2am etc to feed your child, not wanting to be up all night with a sick baby. This is not game, if you keep this baby it’s your baby and your responsibility.  Not your parents and the baby needs to be with you anytime you’re not in school or working. You can forget about going to parties or hanging out with friends. It’s even likely that some of your friends will drift away from you since they will want to go out on weekends, party during high school, have a good time as teenagers are meant too but you will no longer be able to do these things. That is a harsh reality of teen parenthood.  

I would also encourage you to speak to some teen parents more specifically those in your age bracket 13 and 14. Because I feel being 16, 17,18,19  that has a baby is slightly different then a 13 or 14 year old who has one. At the most that age bracket can get a job so they can be providing for their baby financial and not have to be completely dependent on someone else.

Where is the father in this? He needs to help out financial as well. He would also have to agree to adoption if that’s what you decided.

Answer 5

I don't know enough about your situation to tell you what to do, but just for your information, no one, not even your parents, can make you give your baby up for adoption. There are programs in most any school district that help girls in your situation to finish high school, talk to a counselor or social worker in your area if you decide to keep your baby, which I hope you do.

Also, your parents are legally responsible to support you until the age of eighteen, which means that they cannot kick you and the baby out of their house until then.  You are still their child, and when THEY decided to have YOU, they made the decision to take the responsibility to raise and support you until the age of eighteen no matter what you did.  Just because you are now pregnant does not not relieve them of that responsibility.

If, once you turn eighteen, they decide you and the baby must leave, there are government programs that can help you with aid through college.  There are many young woman who do it, it's difficult but not impossible.

Answer 6

I agree with most of the other answers.  Give the baby up for adoption.  There are so many people who would cherish, adore and love your baby so much. People who are ready and able to give him/her the life he/she deserves.  I think that if you keep the baby, at your age, you are not only hurting yourself but the baby as well.  I am sorry that you have to go through this and I wish I could make it easier for you but ultimately it is your decision, you are the one who has to live with it.

Answer 7

Legally they can't make you do anything you don't want to. But practically if you live with them and they are supporting you, they should have some say in it.  I know the situation really sucks, but you are pretty young to have a baby.  I know you could love it etc. but when it comes to school and having friends, going out having fun etc.  All of that would be gone.  

If you do adoption, make sure you do open adoption. You will be able to visit the baby, get pics, and basically know the child as it is growing up.  I adopted my son 3 years ago and did open adoption. I think it is great.

Answer 8

O Hun what a terrible time your having, you need to know u cannot be forced to adopt your baby, however if you don't how will you cope? is there any possibility your parents could raise bubs? i ask this only because i am an adopted child and i have always felt a sense of loss where my bio mum is concerned.... i think at your age it is really the only option you have =( but perhaps your adoption could be open and you will receive updates and pics of bubs and realise the joy you have given to his adoptive family...god luck babes Xx

Answer 9

When i was in Jr.high one of my friends got pregnant at the same age as you.We are in our 30's now and her son is going on 18 or nineteen now he is a wonderfull boy even though she was only 13 she turned out to be a great mom,And the best part she kept her baby and watched him grow up into a great youngman.You could do the same.Dont let people discourage you keep your baby and if your parents wont support you i will.You will always be able to count on someone.I got pregnant at 16 and my son is graduating highschool on may 30th i am very proud.My mother wanted me to give my baby up or to have an abortion i did not listen to her or anyone else because i wanted my baby and it was the best decicion i ever made.Growing up in a mexican family it was very hard because my parents were very strict and also beat the you know what out of me but i kept my baby no matter what.You could be a very proud mother just like i am 18 years later.Do what your heart tells you and if your parents love you they have to support you and your decicion no matter what it is.I have a 13 year old daughter and i would never even suggest abortion or giving her baby in adoption i love my child and i would support her and help her raise her baby if it were to happen.I wish you the best of luck sweety and if you need help please keep in mind that i will gladly help you if i have too o.k .You are not alone dont forget.take care and keep your baby dont let anyone tell you other wise he is yours love him no matter what fight to keep him if not you might regret it the rest of your life.

Answer 10

well im 13 and pregnant too

my parents want me to do the same thing

but im not gonna give my baby up for adoption

♥

Answer 11

HI,My name is Annette, I am 48yrs old...I became pregnant when I was a teenager as well..I could not have an abortion...and I knew I was to young to raise a child on my own, I still had my whole life ahead of me. I chose to give my baby up for adoption.I had support from my family and knew I was doing the right thing for that child and myself.There are so many new ways that adoption can be done, where you are able to actually choose the parents and get up dates from time to time.

You have your whole life ahead of you. I ended up having two other children.I was 25 when I had Nick and 29 when I had Jesse.Even being a parent at that age was challanging.

Many times people your age feel that this will give you something to love. It is the most wonderful experience in the world when you love someone that deeply...but, I tell you, with that comes sooooo very much responsiblity and obligation. This child could have colic or be very difficult at times...So many unexpected occurances happen you have no idea...When you want to go out, will you just expect your family to watch your child. Do you really think your friends are going to want to still hang out with someone that needs to change diapers or feed the baby...?(At first maybe, they will think it is "so cool"...but then what comes after the newness wears off?)  You have to think of that child first at all times...and right now this is the best time to put that child first and think about thier well being.

You will have plenty of time to raise a family when you are older. Live life...be a kid...be happy...You do not even know what you are in for at this age. There is so much ahead for you...Please consider adoption as an option. How will you support yourself. Don't you want to become a strong and independent woman on your own first? When will you have time to grow and experience so much more of life??? There is a family out there that is ready for a child and are unable to do so...They could provide for that child far better then you could.You would be giving them the most precious gift a mother could give. Make sure you tell them that you want that child to know all about you and that you did not give them up because you did  not love them...you gave them up because you loved them soooo much.

I still wonder about my daughter, and have prayed for the day to come when I can finally meet her...I think of her all the time and send love to her daily. Yes I wonder "what if I kept her?" Yes, her birthday is a somber day for me...yet it is a day of celebration because I now I did the right thing. There are times when I am so sad that she is not a part of my life, but I am willing to accept that because her well being was my focus, not my own needs being filled.

My two sons are 19 and 23 now and on thier own...we have had many years of laughter and learning and wonderful times...we have also been challenged and it has not always been easy, and that is so much easier to deal with as an adult then I could have ever dealt with it as a teen.

You are more then welcomed to email if you wish to chat more...there is so much to all of this...the adoption process, the need of support...the weighing of your options...I will be more then happy to help...this is something I have always wanted to do...because I know in my heart it is the right thing to do....

I wish you the VERY BEST...and know that you will be in my heart and in my thoughts...

With love and sincerity...

Annette

Ct.

Answer 12

Keep the baby.

You'll be so trendy and interesting and people will line up to become your friend.

I'm dead serious.

<3

Answer 13

Oh, Sweetie.  What a huge decision for you.  Have you really talked to them about the possibilities of keeping the baby?  What are their objections?  My heart breaks for you.  Whatever you decide your life will never be the same.  If at all possible, try to help your parents learn more about the TRUTH about adoption.  Let them read books and stories and watch videos from YouTube by REAL adoptees.  I hope and pray that they are open minded enough to at least consider the option of keeping your child.  If your child's health and safety were an issue, that would be one thing.  But if it's simply because you are 13, there are so many ways to deal with that if your family will be supportive of you.  

I'm not sure about this, but I think there would even be a way to go into foster care, if your parents kicked you out.  You and the baby could be in foster care together until you were old enough to take care of the baby legally.  Don't give up.  Try everything you can to help them see how much this means to you.  And help them learn the truth about adoption.  

Adoption is the best option only when there are no other options for keeping a baby safe and healthy.  A baby doesn't need a fancy house, or rich parents.  They just need to be loved and kept safe and healthy.  Good luck.  Let us know how things go.

BEWARE of Open Adoptions.  They are just words on paper, and the law cannot force the aoptive families to keep their side of the bargain.  

BEWARE of those who tell you about all the loving couples who could give your child so much more than what you can give your child.  Can you give your child love?  Can you keep your child safe--with a little help and support from family or relatives?  And, once more, I'm pretty sure there are foster homes who would keep you and your baby until you were old enough to be on your own. Really look into your options.  

I wish you the best, and hope you will let us know what you decide?

Answer 14

I dont care How old you are. That baby is your baby. If you want to keep your baby you will find away. Your life is going to be changed Forever either way. Its a Hard desision but the thought of being Forced into adoption makes me sick to my stumuch & bring tears to my eyes. It All Most happend to me. I never wanted to come back to even this section of Yahoo Answers. Im not Leting it Happen & you Dont Have To. its ganna be so HARD but Worth It. people who want u to do adoption just want u to sweep it under the rug & pretend like it never happend, Move on with life. That makes me sick & its not even humanly possable. No madder wat happends from now on-- Your Life is Changed forever. u are a Mother who loves Your Child & you need HELP && LOVING Support. Go find It!!!!!!!! Good Luck God Bless Your Heart <3 {and email me}

Answer 15

Legally it is your baby and your parents can not force you to give the baby up, but at 13 you really have no way to provide for a child properly and the responsibility would most likely fall back on your parents. If you really want to keep your baby then you should maybe sit down and seriously talk to your parents about a way to make it work. I personally feel that at your age you are too young for that kind of responsibility. I gave birth at 18 and I thought I was too young then. It really does affect the rest of your life. If you do keep the baby then you can kiss your care-free teenage fun years goodbye. Your world will revolve around the baby. They require ALOT of time and attention. But like I said, legally you ARE the baby's mom and no matter what, NOBODY can FORCE you to give up your baby. Talk with your parents about it and give them time to discuss it amongst themselves and adjust to the idea. I hope everything works out for you. Email me if you need someone to talk to. Best of luck to you!

Answer 16

wow that sucks. you have to think about what is best for the baby.  an open adoption will allow you to see him grow up while still being able to be a kid yourself.  ultimately it is your decision, but you really need to think about what you can offer him versus what a couple who REALLY wants a baby can offer him.  good luck!

Answer 17

I know you are only 13 but i think you should keep your baby.. I was only able to have one child and then got sick and couldnt have any more i had a hystorectomy.. I feel alot better except i cant have a nother child with my husband now of over 10 years..Please keep YOUR BABY it could be your last..You just never know.. We have thought about adopting.. As long as the mother of the child is still a part of the babys life.......Good luck

Answer 18

do whatever you feel..They cannot force you to do anything...think of what is better for the baby though...since you are only 13 you are going to need your parents help..they should help if you decide to keep him/her.  Remember that you are 13 and you may decide you want to know your child when you are older and can handle the responsibility.  Personally...I have no idea what I would do..you have a hard decision ahead of you

PS = Don't let anyone influence you decision its your body and your baby....maybe talk to the father...see what he thinks...does he want to know his child?  Will he not have anything to do with him/her!

Answer 19

What do you want? When you give up your baby, you'll feel the pain not them. You need to decide it for yourself. Being a parent, it's hard for me suggest to you that your parents have no right, but they don't. Pray, have faith, find support, and don't jump into anything too quickly. Getting your baby adopted is going to be a walk in the park. You have a good couple of weeks to decide if that;s what YOU want. Find support within your state. There are programs to help young mothers raise their babes on their own if need be. If you need help locating them, you may email me at [e-mail] with your needs and state and I will try to help.

Answer 20

they can't make you do it....you need to know that...if you think you won't be able to take care of the baby and give him/her what he/she needs, then adoption is the best thing to do...

Answer 21

can you raise and support this baby by yourself? or can the dad? if no then you really ought to consider listening to your folks. your baby deserves a decent life and as a child yourself it will be extremely hard for you to have a decent life as well.

Answer 22

see if your parents will do guardianship.  open adoption can not be legally enforced.  you are young, yes, but you will never "move one" or "get over it".

Answer 23

if u dont want to give ur baby up for adoption then dont.its ur baby.i was in the same situation i gave birth on friday and im 13 as well.do what ur heart tells u.i kept my baby but do what u think is best

Answer 24

Think of it this way, By keeping the child, you may have to give up a lot of things, including your own child hood, you may be thirteen, and pregnant, but you are still a child. If you really do not want to put it up for adoption, maybe  your mum could become the bub's gardin, is she willing?

Answer 25

Try to make it an open adoption, this means you can go see the baby, take the baby places, and keep in contact with it, talk to your parents about that.

Answer 26

This is hard but you have options.

1) You could live with other family members that would help you raise the baby.

2) You could place the baby with family members or friends that would talke care of it untill you are old enough to care for it on your own.(That would be like guardianship)

3) You could do an open adoption where you could play an active role in it's life.

4) Have a family member adopt the baby.

5) If you do choose to go with an adoption choose a well known adoption agency.  they will take care of you and protect your intrests.

Answer 27

well its ur baby u have the right to do anything with it i say u sholud keep him or her.

Answer 28

Taking care of and raising a child is very difficult.  I can't imagine trying to take on that responsibility at 13 years old.  As a women trying to adopt I can tell you that there are a lot of responsible married people that can offer this child a two parent family that will be able to take care of and love them forever.  You should contact an adoption agency in your area.  Most offer free and confidential counseling.  This is a huge decision and it is a really good idea to get as much advise as possible.  At some point, you must make a very important decision.  At 13 I believe adoption is a really good option for you.  Listen to your parents, they will try to help you I'm sure.  Let me know if you have any other questions.

Answer 29

Hi.... I'm 18 and my due date is today. I am putting my son up for adoption. This is your choice, not your parents. They love you & want you to have a life still... and for this baby to have the very best life possible. Whatever YOU choose, you will be very supported, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Look in your heart and ask yourself "Can I be happy raising this baby at my age?"... you're only 13, it can be done though. Adoption is really freaking hard to go through, but for me, its the best for my son & I. I hope you make the right decision. GOOD LUCK!! Feel free to write contact me if you need any advice or support.

[e-mail]

Answer 30

Sweetie you are very young.

But I think you should keep that baby with you.

Once you get older you will regret giving that baby up.

Please keep that baby with you.

Your parents can't make you give it up.

Answer 31

What do YOU want to do?

Can you find any adult that is supportive of your choices? (close relative - family friend)

You need to find someone who is supportive of your decisions which ever way you go.

Adoption isn't all sunshine and roses.

You will always wonder and want to know about this child.

The child will always wonder and want to know about you.

You will be forever linked.

If you do take the adoption path - please do think about open adoption - as this child still needs to know you and your family - it's best for them emotionally.

It will be hard either way - parenting - or relinquishing.

Don't let anyone tell you that it will be easy to just give this child up - and get on with life.

That is a lie.

I'm an adoptee from a closed adoption. I always wanted to know about my first family - and really missed growing up around the family that I shared a biological link with. No one to look the same as me - no one with the same tastes and talents.

It was hard.

Be very aware that open adoptions are NOT legally binding. This means that the adoptive parents could close up the adoption as soon as you have signed away your rights.

Once you sign - they can do whatever they please.

Think long and hard.

Write down all the pros and cons.

Please do get some help from someone who is looking after your best interests - not their own.

(Meaning - adoption agencies want your baby - so they want you to relinquish - and they'll tell you it's the right thing to do. You parents don't want the burden of helping you parent this child - they want the baby gone.)

You need to find someone that is on your side - to let you choose for the right reasons - and to help you whichever way you choose.

I wish you and your baby all the very best that life has to offer.

Take care.