Im a bit jealsous of my sons new step-mum?

Question

Its all very new, I am still married to my ex and he is now with his girlfriend who is 5 months pregnant although they have only known each other 5 months. They have just moved in together and every weekend for the past month my son, who is 4, has been staying over from sat afternoon to sun afternoon. Things is my son keeps telling me how much he likes her, how he loves her. He even didnt want me to brush his hair because apparantly she does it so much better than me. I dont want to be jealous, i just feel he really prefers spending time with her than me. He even got upset when he saw his dad during the week and she wasnt around. I worry she is overtaking my family, she has my husband and now wants my son. I obviously dont want my son to know i feel like this but why do i and what can i do about it. She seems to have a lot of control over my husband which is the opposite to what out relationship was.

Answer 1

Trust me, your son knows who his mother is!  He would want you if he fell down and scraped his knee, he would want you if he was sick and throwing up!  It just so happens that step parents don't have to do the day to day parenting like bio parents do, like the discipline, etc.  It is fun and games with her, so it sounds.  I know it is easy to feel that way but trust me, you gave birth to him and nothing will ever change that fact.  He is 4 and seems to be handeling this split pretty well.  Try to focus on that!  As long as he is happy and well taken care of.  

I have a son who is 19, his dad and I split when he was 15.  He stayed living with his dad who moved in a woman very quickly and married her a year later.  My son STILL calls ME when he is sick, needs to go to the dr or dentist!  He calls ME when he needs to go clothes shopping or has problems with his girlfriend or advice about friends.  Trust me, little boys, and even big boys always need their mommies!!  : )

Answer 2

Don't let him know you feel like this, he is four years old and he won't understand, focus on the relief you should feel as you now know when he is in their company he is safe and cared for, that must offer you some peace of mind, and remember great relationships are built on time spent together so when he's with you spend some quality time and have fun in his company, children respond to that.

Answer 3

This is very common, so you're not alone! I get a little jealous now and then when my daughter talks about her dad's partner (who is also pregnant) but I know that when it all boils down to it, I am her mum and no one can replace me.

He's only 4, and she's a new person (relatively new anyway) so it's like when they get a new toy.  They love it for a while and then once it's become a familiar fixture the novelty wears off.  He'll settle - she's probably just trying extra hard because she wants him to like her.

You know what it's like when a kid stays with the parent they don't reside with - they get a bit spoilt and get away with a lot more than they would at home.  Doesn't mean that they love the other parent (or their partner) more than you.

As he gets older he'll see who is really there for him, who truly loves him and the one he can always rely on - and that's you, his mum!

Good luck :)

Answer 4

you are his mother and no one can take that from you

if your son had to spend a week away from you i am sure he would really miss you too its just so happens that he doesn't see this other woman so often

you should be glad that she is soo nice to him as many step parents are not so nice to their step children  

Answer 5

I know you won't believe me but I would give anything to have your problem.  My 3 children despise their step mom.  She is bitter and nasty to them.  Nothing to the point of abuse so I can't terminate visits but enough to make them miserable when they go over.  So, trust me, your son loving his soon to be step mom is a really, really good thing.  Something to remember.  Right now she is like a new toy that you only get to play with every now and then to your son.  Once the newness wears off, hopefully he will still like this "toy" but he will probably go back to preferring his "old faithful" (you!)  Hang in there, I know it is tough.  My ex left for his secretary.  It will get better but new problems will come in to play when your son starts school and extra curricular activities.  It sounds like you are doing a good job putting your son's needs first and this will be easy at times and other times it will be the most challenging thing you will encounter.  If I have/am making it through and still putting my kids feelings first then I know you can too.  Good luck.

Answer 6

theres no need to b jealous...you should feel good that this woman is taking such good care of your son...it means that hes in good hands when hes at your ex's house...

shes not trying to take over your family...shes just a good person...

it will take some time but you will see that even though your son likes her its not gonna stop him from loving his mother...

Answer 7

just bribe hi,  buy your son thing . and bad mouth the new girlfriend.

Answer 8

First things first.  He's your ex-husband or at least he will be shortly.  So you better start getting  used to that and stop referring to him as your husband.  What his relationship is with her is really none of your business as long as it doesn't affect your child negatively.  

On the normal side, it's perfectly normal to feel jealous of her.  Specially given the circumstances.  But simply exposing how you feel to either one of them would help.  I would watch that movie Step mom with Julia Roberts.  It's, of course, just a movie but I think it addresses normal problems divorced and remarried couples experience.

Good luck!