Im afraid of having a baby, but want one more than anything...what should i do?

Question

im 20, in a stable relationship...living with my partner. We are both in full time employment and have worked since we were able to. Never claimed benefits and very much in love. I want to stay with him forever and he says the same with me. he is 22. i am taking the pill at the moment but am thinking abt stopping, what ur oppinions? i know i will be a fabulouse mum. any help will be great! x*x

Answer 1

So many women give birth everyday. There are painkillers and things to make it much easier. Besides, once you have your baby in your arms, you'll have forgotten about the pain.

Answer 2

Having children is a gift

If you are lucky enough to be able to have one

You should be afraid there is no parenting manual and it is all hit and miss as far as getting it right

Birth... Too many options.. natural or painless NO BIGGIE

Its after they are born is when the real challenge comes into play

It doesn't matter if you think you will be the best mother in the world (we all do)

It is a very different story once they are born and everybody is different

It will test your patience, mental state of mind and your life will really just start

What you have now is time for you once you have a baby time for you is pretty much gone

Money is another area you have to look at (start saving if you haven't already)

Answer 3

I am sure you would be a great mom, however, that is not the only thing to think about!  I also think that you should be married before you have a child.  Not the moral part or anything like that, but right now, your other half could just walk out when things start getting tough with no strings attached.  I am not saying he would, but it happens all the time!  So, first I would discuss with him about his thoughts on being married and make that your first step so you are not raising a child alone which is SO hard to do!!

Then I would say to make sure you are ready in EVERY way to take care of another person!  If you are afraid, maybe you should wait.  If you are afraid physically, that should be the least of your worries!  They have great pain medication for that!  If you are worried about taking care of a human being, then wait until you are 100% sure!!!  Have you watched the new reality show called "The Baby Borrowers?"  If not, I highly recommend that you watch it because some of the girls on there are about your age and sure they wanted a child, until they watched someone elses for 3 days and nights and were soley responsible!!  I would also recommend if anyone you know has a baby, see if you can watch them overnight for a few nights!  

Sorry, I am not trying to be a downer, I just think it is sad how many kids are in broken homes these days because there is no thought about consequences or no solid commitments between the parents and the kids are the ones who are hurt!

I do wish you the best!

Answer 4

Women have been having babies for millions of years - and without hospitals, epidurals, or planned c-sections.  You stand a very high chance of survival.  What part of having a baby scares you?  You should go and research all about pregnancy, the birth process, infant care, etc.

The most powerful weapon to use against fear is knowledge.  When you become more familiar with something it becomes less scary.

Answer 5

I think you should go for it :) Start reading and learning about pregnancy and motherhood.  Not only will it ease those fears but you'll be educated and comfortable when you do get pregnant.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Millions of women survive childbirth, have at it!

Answer 7

Maybe that fear is trying to tell you something.

Alot of women get that baby itch. It comes and goes.

I think you should wait until you are no longer afraid and think about whether you are REALLY  ready. 20 is still so young. I know you are an adult , and in a stable relationship. But no relationship is perfect, and you want to know this person very well before you have kids with him. Take my word for it!

I was a young mother, and i think all the time about how i wish i would have been a little older when i had them. I wish i had chosen them a better father, finished college, had more me time out in the big world and out from under mom and dads roof, more life experience .

Not that I feel I am a bad mom, but i think i could have been better mom If I'd had  a little more life experience under my belt before having them.

So please dont think i am trying to burst your bubble, just giving you some real life advice from a mother .

Answer 8

As long as you both agree on having a child then i do not see why not. but do not go and stop the pill without talking to him first. It is not easy being a mom- expecially a young mom... but if you both feel stongly about it then go for it.... but i do not see why you are afraid of having a baby????

Answer 9

I completely understand your fear since I just had a baby myself in May.  But it’s about more than just the pain/fear of childbirth.  Honestly I am 29 now and have been married for 2 years plus we have a great support system locally to help when needed.  Having the baby is easy compared to the stress of being up all night, financial costs of having a child, and the emotional maturity of making sure they come first ALWAYS.  Not to say you wouldn't be able to do that.  I just never realized how much goes into have a baby until I had one and I wouldn’t have had a child in my early 20’s since I was still only thinking about me (which is perfectly natural).  Only you know what is right for you but you also need to be sure that he is going to support you and your child since there will be times when you need to walk away and take a break with out being judged.  I wish you the best either way.  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

I would never do it--not when you are not married. Being married offers both you and your child more protection than you have if you are not married--in fact, depending on where you live, there is NO protection for you if you are not married.. You may feel that you are stable now, but having a child may change all that. Having a child is a life-long committment--and is very difficult. It is expensive and very trying--both on your patience and on your relationships. It is normal to get frustrated when you are tired and hungry normally--but add a child to that when neither of you are getting a full nights sleep and it could spell disaster. I highly recommend you be married for such a venture--raising a child on your own is very, very difficult. One hopes your relationship is solid enough to make it through having a baby--but I find it interesting you haven't mentioned if he is ready for a baby. I suggest you find that bit of information out first--and don't push it if he's not ready. Make sure you have some sort of benefits or insurance in place if you do plan on having a baby soon. Usually having a baby goes smoothly--but occasionally things go wrong. (My brother has had 2 children due to complications at birth that were million dollar babies--he's lucky he had insurance, and my sister is lucky her baby is alive. Her baby had a rare infection of the blood when she was born--without insurance they would have been sunk...)  Good luck to you--I hope you get what you want.