Im borred. any funny poems or quotes???

Question

Im borred. any funny poems or quotes???

Answer 1

Happiness: is having a loving, caring, close knit family. In another state.

Answer 2

LOOOL! the one about the twelve guests is FUNNY!!!!

Answer 3

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.

When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way

from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for!

dinner tonight." He then

blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulp mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it

feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted.

Answer 4

Joke for the golfers

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.  Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company.

Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,

Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,

Richard Whitney,

was released from prison

to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,

Arthur Cooger,

died abroad, penniless.

5. The president

of

the Bank of International Settlement,

shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,

Cosabee Livermore,

also committed suicide

However,

in that same year 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the

most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92,

died in 1999 at the age of 95.

He was financially secure

at the time of his death.

The Moral:

F**k work.

Play golf.

Answer 5

got this from someone else:::

Why did i answer this question?

- i want some points.. hAHAHAHA

Answer 6

Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweat and so are you. but the roses are wilting the violets are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head. Of loving beauty you float with grace. if only you could hide your face. kind, intelligent, loving and hot, this describes everything you are not. i want to feel your sweet embrace so please dont take that paper bag off your face . I like your smile your face and your eyes, wow am i good at telling lies. i see your face when i am dreaming. thats why i wake up screaming. girl you take my breath away what did you step in to smell this way. my feelings for you, no words can tell. except maybe go to h**l.   yay dont tell me its not the best

Answer 7

"When you hold your f**t in,it travels up your ribs and then goes in your brain and that's how the S****y ideas come"

"An atheist is only an opposition to God"

"Women need a reason to have s*x,Men just need a place

LOL these always makes me laugh LOL

Answer 8

idk if its funny but it makes me smile...

"you make me melt like a popsicle on the fourth of july" -the little rascals

lol idk  

Answer 9

These classifieds were really put in the paper - a smile for your day.

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER..  

8 years old.   Hateful little b*****d.  Bites!  

FREE PUPPIES  

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.  

FREE PUPPIES.  

Mother, AKC German Shepherd.  

Father, Super Dog . . able to leap  tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.  

Looks like a  rat. Been out a while.

Better be a big reward.  

COWS, CALVES: NEVER  BRED.

Also 1 g*y bull  for sale.

NORDIC TRACK. $300  Hardly used, call Chubby.  

GEORGIA PEACHES. California grown - 89 cents lb.  

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!  

Must sell washer and  dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.  

Worn once by mistake.  Call  Stephanie.

And the best one:  

FOR SALE BY  OWNER.

Complete set of Encyclopedia  Britannica, 45 volumes.  Excellent condition.

$1,000 or best offer..  No longer needed, Got married  last month.

Wife knows everything.