Im dependant on my mum but she makes me feel worse rather than better?

Question

i have asthma and i have good days and bad days. On good days im happy ect and on bad days i must admit im a stroppy moody nitemare esp when my friends are all away in a club and im stuck watching the tv. My mum acts as my carer when im real bad and does everthing for me, BUT at the same time she says things like "other people have asthma why cant you get rid of yours?" and "why didnt i have a normal child?" and it makes me feel awful. She gets too dramatic when i have attcks too like shes run about panicking bafor taking me to AandE so i feel guilty that i get her in such a state to the point where ive hidden my condition. I mean im in college now and she insists on walking me to get my train and collecting me as i get off ive told her i need space but she goes off on one.

Now, after a bad week of asthma, i was feeling down so i took out a temper on not being able to go out and my mum went mental, threw things at me . She keeps saying i need to pull myself together but i cant obviously because i cant get a job and college is stressing me and making my condition worse. So i feel dependant on her but at the same time i resent her. I i were well id pack my bags and leave. It like she wants to control my life and uses my poor health as an excuse. She banned me from seeing my boyfriend cos she didnt like the look of him, she wouldnt let me go on holiday with my friends, she contrantly says i need to do something with the way i look but ive explained to her that why you can hardly breathe everyday being fashionable doesnt really matter. She keeps going on about how ima disappointment, i mean ive never done drugs, never done anything real bad i just dont know what she wants to wave a magic wand and be the healthy child she wants? ah i got to get away from her!!!!

Answer 1

If i was you i would sit down and say to her mum i need to talk to you. Then i would say why are you always treating me as if i am a burden to your life, as if caring for me isn't a choice and that your stuck with me. Why cant you appreciate me for who i am and not say things like  other people have asthma why cant you get rid of your's - do you now how terrible that makes me feel. I love you and all mum and i know you have to take care of me but could you please give me a little freedom so i can explore the world on my own. And another thing if you feel that i need to change the way i look then maybe you dont love me for who i am. And then walk away it always takes effect__ hahaha lol.

Thanks, hope i helped.  

Answer 2

It sounds like your mum is a bit of a contradiction, she loves you and wants you to be okay, but I think she is scared of your condition and is finding it stressful, and is therefore resentful of this.

You need to go to your doctor and ask if there is any support groups for asthma sufferers in your area, and get the support you need to deal with asthma.  Then you need to try and talk with your mum and explain as best you can how you feel, you can always write her a letter and leave it for her to read when you are out.  Don't write anything bad to her, but try to explain how you feel.

Hopefully then you can both come to some agreement on how best to move forward.

Remember its not your fault that you have the asthma, and your mum is wrong to say things like she wished she had a normal child etc, but she is struggling to deal with it, and does not have the emotional tools at her disposal to do better.  She should also try and get some support.

Answer 3

Think of ways that you can break free from her. You DON'T have to be dependent on her, it's your choice. What good is it that she insist on taking care of you, yet play the victim role of the poor mother every time? This is not helping you, but crippling you. You need to get out. You have your medication, you're old enough to take care of yourself. Maybe you can go out with friends, and they can assist you when something happens. Friends are there to help you, she's not the only person who can. She's right about one thing though. If even your mother says that you need to change your look, you probably should. Being sick doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel beautiful about yourself. That's a bad excuse you have there, sorry. I think you should really go out and have fun, go shopping and stuff, just be as normal as you can. Life expires too fast, you don't want to regret not living it.