Im depressed what can i do!!!!?

Question

I Know its alot, I'm sorry you don't have to read it if you don't want to, im used to people not understanding me and ignoring me.

I'm 14 and live in England, liverpool. I can't sleep when i go to bed my heart races and aches and i can feel my mind exploring all the bad thoughts and making me worry even though i try and block them out. In the day time I hate being outside because anything can happen!!! I don't find anything enjoyable like i used to. I'm starting to worry that ill lose my 2 friends, because i've became such a boring sod i won't go out anywere if they ask me to i just like to stay in safe from all the bad people. I missed so much of school its umberlivable. School is frightening anything could happen. I find it hard to talk to people because i wrry to much of what people think about me,, Uglyness & Boringness. I NEVER want to be outside again I NEVER want to go to school again but i know im going to have to go :'( unless i commit suicide which i've been thinking heavily of for a while, the only thing stopping me from doing that is my family and the fact that im scared of death. I'm so trapped I don't know what to do. I could go the doctors but i don't want to go outside and also he might think im lying and not see to me. Plus im scared to tell him how i really feel face to face, and also im very shy shaky person. I can't control my body language and find my self to be a complete slob. I have dark circles and i hate them, they make me stress out and i worry about them being there in the morning as im in bed i know i shouldn't do this because thats the cause (for me) of them but i can't stop these obsessive thoughts. I picture myself dying or hurting myself and i love it! but i cant live up to that although i relly really want to. I'm thinking about getting someone to shoot me. I HATE MYSELF, i cant stand being with myself !! I feel like everyone is so much better than me, and why would anyone wan't to talk to me yet alone wan't to be in the same world as me. I'm useless hopeless worthless piece of sh**!! Nothing i do is ever RIGHT! I'm soo f***ing ugly!!! I can't explain my real feelings an to be honest i don't know why im posting this because noone will take no notice of me AS USUAL! IM A NOTHING IN THIS c**p SH** OF A LIFE !!!

Answer 1

First, find a good a friend or someone to talk to.  If you can't find this then look for a counselor, as I think a few will really listen to you.

After that, see if you can get some sleep, and if not, have it checked out.  The point is to get yourself in a stable position so that you can get help for whatever the problem is.  I myself have gone through emotional problems, and I am diagnosed with disorganized schizophrenia.  Your not alone, I have been through some agonizing experiences, and sometimes it just went on.  YOU are worth it, and if you want, you can find your dreams and WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE.  Sometimes it just takes time to settle everything out.  Everyone is not so much better than you, I'm sure, and there will be people who will take an interest in you, and just kind of like you because you're who you are.  Just don't give out, and remember that you can never do it alone.